Restless Heart Syndrome

When I was pregnant with Cassity, I began experiencing a feeling as if my legs were trapped.  As it turned out, I was experiencing Restless Leg Syndrome . 

The only way I can explain it is when I was a kid and taking gymnastics, there was this "pit" of foam blocks that we could jump into for fun.  Once, I got trapped.  The pit was probably 6 feet deep and filled to the rim with foam and some how my legs got trapped so far down that I couldn't move.

I can remember feeling panicked and trapped.  It really felt like the walls were beginning to cave in on me.  If I could just move my legs I would be fine!

Back then, my RLS ususally came out of nowhere-but when it came, it usually came while I was in the car.

I can remember riding home one night from Adam's parents and making him pull over so that I could get out and pace until the trapped feeling that I was experiencing was gone.

Now a days, I experience RLS when I am the most tired and lay down to go to bed. 

I know, it makes no sense.

So I get up and pace back and forth and it goes away, and back to bed I go.

In the last few years, it has felt like I have had restless heart syndrome.

God has planted this unrest in my heart and has given me very little guidance outside of it.  I am antsy to get to work.  I want to do every thing.  I want to volunteer in every thing.  I want start programs and new ministries and dream about what could be.  I do not want to be a generation that missed it's opportunity!

I am restless.

I feel trapped by my circumstances.

I try to pace.  I try to stay busy and I also try to rest.  I try to tell myself that maybe if I would just be still, that God would reveal to me what this is all about.

My heart seems steady but the direction seems blurry.

I am trying to keep my hands open with a posture of trust...I don't need to be in charge. (At least that is what I am telling myself.)

I know that God has called me to something.. I just don't see it yet.

So I wait.

Do you ever have those times in your life?  When you just don't know what God is going to do with you? 

How do you wait?  I'd love to hear from you!

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