Fear and Stuff

Preface: I am experiencing writer's block and have been encouraged to use "prompts" to get my creative juices going.


What am I afraid of?

Mice.
Drowning.
Getting pregnant.
and....people who do not like me.

If I feel like someone doesn't like me, I shut down. I just want to hide and throw myself a pitty party.

I haven't figured out why I do this.

I have always admired those folks that could express themselves and not care what people thought of them.

Me? Well, I tend to ugly cry, eat bread and lose sleep over what I could have done to make them like me. I rehearse conversations and scenarios in my mind of what I would like to say to that person.  Sometimes I charm them with my humor and win them over....other times, I lose what little filter I have and tell them exactly what I think.

Neither scenario ever makes me feel better afterword.

 The truth is I get wrapped up in those who don't like me because I don't like me.

I know who I am. Good stuff and bad stuff.  I am not proud of the bad stuff...and those who don't like me only see me for the bad stuff.

I am afraid of liking myself.

It's not about the "haters."

Its about me.


Fear paralyzes us and we have a choice!  We can look our fears straight in the face or we can hide.

What I have learned is that when we hide, we can't move forward.
We are just stuck, sittin' in our own "filth"  and nobody can rescue us but us.

I don't want my head to be so full of fear that I have no room to dream.
Dreaming is what I do-it's my thing.  When I am busy being afraid......I can't do my thing.

I need to get real good and busy being the best me I can be and have enough self awareness to know when I am being a real "toot" so that I don't miss reality. Reality is deciding that you and I are not the victim of our life circumstances.

Reality is knowing perfection is not the goal,  and restoration is. It's not a race, but a marathon.