In my, 20 year old opinion, children should never leave the house without an outfit that matched, hair not brushed, and a dirty face. To me, that was the cardinal parent rule. Children must be clean and well kept in public.
That was all there was to it. Parenting meant keeping a child clean.
Oh sure, there were plenty of other "I will never____________________" statements that I boldly proclaimed to the mountain tops! I am sure that you, too, had several "I'll never" statements before you became a parent and yet, here we are-you and me...
eating crow.
Another phase of parenting is the nostalgic phase. At one point or another, early on in my rookie season of parenting, I began to believe that my children must relive my childhood to a T. A panic came across my heart when I thought that my children would never know the joy of living in the same little town with all their relatives, walking to school, sleigh riding, cheerleading, and living in Kentucky.
That was all there was to it. Parenting meant recreating the past.
Now that I am in my "Sophmore" season of parenting, and my kids are all in Elementary School, I have learned that though my childhood shaped who I am and perhaps how I parent, my children are not carbon copies of me. They are three individuals with three unique personalitites that will have their own identities and do not have any preconceived notions of how they should be raised. All they know is the life they live. Their life is what we as parents make it.
I can celebrate my past by sharing stories with our kids- showing them pictures of where we have come from and celebrating traditions that have been passed down over time, but also celebrate who they are becoming because of the childhood they are experiencing, TODAY.
That is all there is to it. Parenting is about honoring the past and celebrating what is now-ish.
Next year, a new season of parenting will begin, as our oldest child will start Junior High. I know enough now to know to never say never. I know that what I think I won't do, I will end up doing and that without question I will mess something up.
It baffles me that a box of Poptarts come with instructions, but as soon as they hand you that child and send you home, there is no instruction manual and no one kid is the same. What worked for one kid, will not work for the next. Dang.
If I were to predict the next seasons of parenting, I would say that the theme would be to remember that our children have a front row seat to our life. Front. Row. They see us-the real us. Our children watch us- how we interact with friends, family, and each other. They take mental notes and snapshots in their hearts for how to be a grown up and take their cues from us. Good and bad.
Our children are not surprised by our strengths and not surprised by our weaknesses. I think that if we can be vulnerable with our kids and admit when we are wrong and help them see how to reconcile those moments (in a healthy age appropriate way) then we invite our kids into an adulthood that they are more equipped for and have the tools they need to navigate their own lives.
That is all there is to it. Parenting is preparing children for adulthood.
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