Choose YOU

13 years ago TODAY, Adam surprised me, by showing up to the daycare that I was working at, handed a pink rose to every 2 year old in my class and asked me to marry him....

I was 21 and he was 23.

Infants.

I have been thinking about the things that every young bride should know about before she gets engaged...especially since my daughters are obsessed with The 19 Kids and Counting, Duggar Daughters and their talk about Courtship and I was obsessed with the recent reality series "Married at First Sight"
I decided here has to be a happy medium between all that and what I consider "normal."


Here are just a few (some serious and some sarcastic funny) legit pointers off the top of my head (in no particular order)


1. Stop rushing.  Stop it.  I mean it... What on earth is your hurry!?!?!  Go get an apartment and live by yourself for at least a year!  Decorate it as girly as you want!
2. If you have it in your head that your marriage will look like a television show couple, I have a couple of suggestions :
* Stop. You are not ready for marriage. I mean this in the kindest way-You are delusional. Go be young! Revisit marriage in a few more years.  Those people are fictional characters who have people who literally write the words that come out of their mouths, do their hair and makeup, and you need to spend time in a real life situation.

3. Make a  monthly budget, then, each of you write out how you would spend the money-then compare them.
-What are the biggest differences in your priorities?  Talk amongst yourselves.

4. Move furniture together.
My new husband insisted on solving the Pythagorean  Theorem to decide if we should move our bed to the corner of the bedroom.

I just blinked.
Who was this nerd I traded my last name for?

5. How your guy treats his mother and sister is a good indication of how he will eventually treat you (and your future daughter/s)

Take notice.

6. In general, he should do everything you ask (with enthusiasm).

This will come in handy for pregnancy cravings and monthly sweet/salty needs-mostly.

This also includes (but not limited to)

- diet coke fountain drinks
- feminine hygiene products
- diapers
- baby formula
- printer ink
- pickles and chips
- cake
- Starbucks
- batteries
- peanuts and candy corn
- prescription and over the counter meds.


7. Once a week, sit down and compare calendars. It sounds very "business-like" but it's necessary.
Practice doing life together.  See if your priorities match up.

8. Watch carefully how he interacts with babies and small children!
This one is a biggie! It will make or break you in the middle of the night when your newborn has colic or your 2 year old has barfed all over your bed.

It's 2014, people! Dad's should be able to do anything and everything a mom can do!

I know if I dropped dead today, my husband would know exactly what to do with our kids.

Other than fix the girl's hair. He sucks at that.


9. How do they interact with YOUR family?

10. How do they interact with your friends?

11. How do they encourage you to have  your own hobbies?

12. What kind of fighter are they?

-passive?
-angry?
-shut down?
-fair?

13. What bad habits do they have that you think will change when you get married?

Stop. Go to counseling right  now.

14. Practice talking.  Be specific.  

Tell him exactly what you mean by details.
"Fine"  "Yes" "Good" "No" or any other 1 word answers are not good enough.

As a general rule of thumb, most men do not know that when you ask "How was it?" that you are really asking:

-Who was there
-What were they wearing
-Who looked the best
-Who looked the worst
-Who said what
-Did you see anyone that I know
-What did you say
-What did they say
-Did they talk about me
-What did you eat
-What did they eat
-How were the bathrooms

You know... just stuff like that.

15.  Do you generally like to be around them?

  Like, how is your actual friendship status?  I can tell you that this one will make or break you...

There will be a time, sooner than later, when you will look into the eyes of the father of your children and wonder how you could possibly murder him and not get caught...and it will be your friendship that saves him.

That, and the thought of the narrator of SNAPPED telling your story on Oxygen.
16. And finally, before you think that the romance is dead and the "honeymoon" is over...remember:

Romance is changing the gauze from a Csection because your wife can't see over her post pregnancy flab. It's going to Kroger to get sweets at 10pm because she has a sweet tooth. It's jumping in and subbing in any given kids ministry class when your wife is the kids pastor and has no other option. It's never complaining when she needs out of the house and away from the children.
It's doing the dishes every night because you know she absolutely hates it. It's never opening your mouth when your wife's side of the room is an explosion of clothes and you wonder if she will ever pick it up.
Marriage is straight up hard... you will want to give up... MANY times.  Brides magazine will not tell you any of this, because they want you to think that your wedding is just the start of a magical fairy tale life with Prince Charming.

While you are dreaming  of all that... might I encourage you to plan harder for the marriage!?  

Now go!  Be young and naive!  None of this pertains to you!  You and your new husband WILL be the ones that always have a super clean house, a bank full of money, kids that are born potty trained and never cry. Breakfast will always be in bed, and dishes will never be dirty, while fresh baked pies will always be cooling in your window. Vacations will be endless and you will wake up in the morning with minty fresh breath, a full face of make up and not a hair out of place.

Yup. (wink)