There is a great story in the Bible about a woman named Naomi who lost her husband and both of her sons in war. Naomi tries to get her daughters in law to go back to their hometowns to be with their families to start over. One daughter in law went back and the other, Ruth, refused to leave her mother in law. The Bible reads it like this:
But Ruth said, “Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!” Ruth 1: 16-17 The Message You can read more about it HERE
I think that when we are most sad or even depressed, we want to be alone. Isolating ourselves from everyone! We can't possibly believe anyone wants to hold on with you. You think: "Oh... they are too busy-I am fine!" Or "I don't want to burden them with my sadness." "I just want to be alone." The truth is, that God designed us for relationships-friendships! We were never supposed to do this life alone! Naomi didn't give up on Ruth! Ruth thought that she wasn't worth sticking with, and pushed Ruth away. Ruth fought for Naomi! Have you ever felt like this? Have you pushed people who have tried to "lock arms with you" because you truly believed that they couldn't possibly have it in them to stick with you? I have! Luckily I have amazing friends who fight for me! They check in! They love me well! They are my "Ruth." I wonder who YOUR "Ruth" is? In other words: "Who is your person?" If you don't have someone, I would encourage you to start seeking out friendships with people-the best way to combat loneliness is with a friend! How is that for Rocket Science?
From now on, no more alone time! Text your friends! Call them! Meet up for lunch!
Recently, I read an article about a teenage girl who was suspended from her high school for wearing a tank top to school. (Please don't get me wrong, I am pro tank top-it's hot outside and we should be able to dress accordingly.) What struck me about this girl was that she (and her parents) knew what the rules were and yet, she broke the rules and was offended that she had to pay the consequences. Parents! We have to stop believing that our kid's happiness is our top priority. They are kids! If there is a rule to follow, then it is our responsibility to teach our kids that the rules apply to them. No! They don't have to agree with the rule-but they do need to respect it. There are other ways to pursue change AND be respectful! If you don't like the rules then take action! Start a petition or go to a school board meeting and plead your case! As parents, we have to stop catering to our children's happiness and teach them to be adults. Life doesn't always go the way we want. If we don't prepare our children for adulthood, then the real world will be a very cruel place for them when they grow up. If they disrespect their boss-they will get fired. We have to remember that we are raising adults. We have to keep the END in mind! Who (not what) do you want your kids to grow up to be? Compassionate, Respectful, Responsible, Loving, Selfless, Friendly, Team Player, Encouraging, Loyal, Forgiving, and Wise? How do we teach them those things if we are constantly catering to their happiness?
As parents we are to serve as guides for our kids so that they are ready to launch into adulthood. THAT is our job-NOT catering to their happiness. Let's raise this generation to the be the best one yet!
You guys. I want to be in charge. I want to be the boss. I want to know what is next. I want to fix your problems and mine. I have trouble just listening to your "problems." I want to fix them. I know that you don't want me to. ...But why else would you be telling me? You obviously want me to fix your life. Duh. Where did I learn that? When did I start believing that I needed to be in control? What happened to me that I started to believe that God couldn't handle our stuff?
Are you like that? Are you a bossy pants like me? Do you know what else? I am impatient! I can't just wait on answer- I need it NOW! If something needs to be done then, for goodness sake, get. up. and do it. NOW! MOVE! Get in a hurry! GO! Are you starting to understand my relationship with God yet?
I think my ways are better than God's. I wouldn't just have a shirt made that said that... No! Of course not! I disguise it by sipping coffee and listening to Lauren Daigle with the stress level as a Jamaican bobsledder. NO PROBLEM. I can sure play the part....but on the inside I am nearly spastic, waiting on God to do what I want Him to do! You know what I am really scared of? If I am not holding on to the "wheel" of this life then I am gonna crash. Unlike Carrie Underwood, I can't easily give Jesus the wheel. That is scary! What if God doesn't do what I want him to? Then what? What if God doesn't give us what we want? What will happen to us? I had an amazing counselor who used to ask me "then what" questions about the things I was scared of. What if I get hurt? ....then what? What if I don't get the job? ....then what? What if they hate me? ...then what? The truth is that the answer to all of our "THEN WHAT" questions lead us to: "It will be ok. I will be ok." I am not saying I have this all figured out and I suspect this will be a life long struggle for my control freak nature...but I want to make every effort to let go and trust God.
Dear Younger Me, I have been watching your life from the front row seat and I fear that I have misguided you along the way. There have been times down this road called life when I wish I could rewind and go back to one of those big milestone moments and whisper in my younger ear: "remember this!" ....Or perhaps hit pause during those occasions when you meet the people in your life that end up being a wolf in sheep's clothing, and whisper: "this guy will break your heart -its not worth the risk!" ...or "this friend that you think you can trust is gonna let you down." ...or "hey slow down there is a cop ahead!" What I feel like I am learning, in the life I am in now is that, even if I could do that and protect you from every single hurt feeling, illness, bad decision, or broken relationship-I probably wouldn't be the exact person I am now. Much like it feels to watch a movie with someone who has already seen the ending, it would be annoying to have someone always trying to tell you what happens next when you all really want to do is learn for yourself! (Now that I think of it, isn't that what Mom and Dad are for? Aren't they the ones trying to steer us in a different direction than the road they have traveled? Dang it.)
Do you know what the truth is? You will always be learning! There is no moment in your life where you will have a magic key that unlocks all the world's wisdom unto you- with just one quick blow of the birthday candle. Life is risky! God is good! Safe? no! but good! One thing I would like for you to consider is that all the people you invite into your life-even the not so great ones are building you! You are the sum total of all those people and all those lessons they bring! Some people will come into your life and they will cheer for you and love you even when you are being a complete jerk. They love YOU-not the fake you, the trendy you, the you with the great hair, the fat you, the thin you, or the even the funny you. Those people are safe! Those are YOUR people! They love you-they get you! Hold on tight to them! Some people will wound you. They will use you and lie to you to get what they want. They will be prideful and hold you accountable for their own stuff... OR! Worse! You will do these things to others and they will not want you back in their lives. These folks might look like a friend, or a family member, a pastor, a boss, or mentor. You will feel so safe with them and then ....boom! You will learn some big lessons about trust and who you can be yourself around by the way these people treat you and more importantly you will learn the power of grace and forgiveness. Try not to ever regret letting people in. Remember what they leave you with and grow like crazy. Dust yourself off and keep inviting people into your life! Ask for advice! Pray! Listen to what others say even when they don't say anything! Watch their actions! You are not and will not ever be perfect. Don't expect others to be either. Love people the best way you can. Forgive and laugh as much as you can! Do not take yourself so seriously. Don't define yourself by the things on earth! Define yourself by what God says about you! You are Holy.. You are one of the redeemed.... Set a part-a brand new heart! You are Free indeed! Every Mountain, every valley, every heartache in between Every moment brings you closer to who you were meant to be.
You guys.. I am a fan girl. I am a 35 year old fan girl. There is this writer who is my age, lives in Nashville, writes amazing books and can speak to audiences in such a way that you actually feel like you are best friends with her. I adore her! Her name is Annie F. Downs and YOU should read everything she writes. Period. Her most recent book is called "Looking For Lovely" and I just finished it last week. (In one day) Go! Order it! Read it! Recently, I found a talk that she gave for Q Women about our having 1 calling for our life that can have many different ways to express it. You can watch it HERE. (It's 10 minutes. DO IT!)
Annie challenges all of us to figure out what our life's thesis statement is. Thesis Statement: a brief introduction of your topic, you state your point of view on the topic directly and often in one sentence. This sentence is the thesis statement, and it serves as a summary of the argument you'll make in the rest of your paper. Annie was an elementary school teacher for several years after college and she loved it! Later, she was asked to help write curriculum and speak to her church's youth group and discovered she loved it and dreamed writing and speaking professionally-full time! Like... quit her job as a teacher and go for it! She talks about how though teaching elementary school and writing and speaking aren't exactly the same-they have one thing in common- Her. How do those pieces fit? Well she discovered that she really only had one calling-one thesis statement and that was to entertain people long enough until they learn something. 1 calling, many different expressions. This made me wonder what my thesis statement was because I have done a lot of different things! I am licensed to do hair, I am a mom, I love kids, I have lead ministry teams, I write blogs, I lead leaders What do any of these really have in common? Well, ME! They have me in common! I think my thesis statement is: Relate with people with humor and real life stories so they feel like they can chase their dreams. That seems to be what I have always done..in some way, shape or form. I wonder what your thesis statement is? Maybe you won't know right away! That's ok! Think about it! I want to hear from you! GO!
I have been reading a TON of books lately. My head feels like it might explode in the best way possible! One book that I am finishing up now is by Lysa Terkeurst called "Uninvited."
I think that there is a fear in every single one of us that is rooted in rejection. We all want to be accepted, part of the group, good enough to be at the table, and affirmed in some way-that who we are is enough!
So picture this: Summer of 1997 I had just turned 16 and got my driver's license and signed up to tour around the State of Kentucky with a bunch of kids from churches all over the area as part of the Kentucky State Youth Choir.
I had no prior experience with this singing group, I mainly signed up because my friends told me to.
I also jumped off a cliff right after everyone else did too! (wink)
I could not be prepared for how my life would change that summer and the impact that our two young married leaders would have on my life.
Matt and Heather Bays were in their mid-twenties and agreed to lead our youth choir.
I was instantly amused when I received a cassette tape in the mail with Matt singing both Alto and Soprano parts -on key in his own male singing voice in order to help us to learn our parts to the music.
I would drive around in my car listening to this young man singing in a woman voice..needless to say I was the coolest girl in school.
What I loved most about Matt and Heather was that they treated us like grown ups. They spoke to us like we were their friends and not some dumb teenagers that didn't have a clue.
It might have been the first time any adult had ever done that for me.
They gave us all nick names, played games with us, sang songs, and helped us to nosey around host home's closets to find hidden treasures.
In 1998, Matt and Heather took another job and moved away. Long before social media, I wondered if we would ever see them again...
(This a picture of our choir on the "tour bus" back in 1997)
Fast forward to 2007, nearly 10 years since those choir days, I searched for Matt and Heather on Facebook and found them! I could not wait to connect with them and was shocked to find out that they were living only a few miles from me in the next town over!
The thing that I love about Matt is that even though YEARS have gone by, he still treats me like a friend and acts as though time has not passed at all! He has a gift in making people feel comfortable and loved....even liked! Now that I work in church leadership, coaching other leaders that influence the Next Generation, I realize that the seed that Matt and Heather planted in my heart as a teenager was not for nothing! God used them to lead me and build me into who I am today!
Today, I finished a book Matt wrote about his life called "Finding God in the Ruins" and asked me to read it prior to it's release. (Next Month) I am not sure I knew what to expect as Matt was always a Super Hero to me...and for the record, he still is!
I didn't know anything about his childhood or about what he had been dealing with though his life. He wore a "happy life mask" very well and I would have never guessed what he has suffered through and continues to overcome.
There are parts of this book when I felt heartbroken and angry and in the next breath found myself belly laughing. Matt is a great story teller... you feel like you are right there with him through every story he shares.
(I even sent him a text that said "I hate you for making belly laugh in a book about your sad childhood.)
Matt is a "noticer of people." He doesn't miss details and they way he describes people and places is one of my favorite parts of this book.
**There are some great 1980s pop culture references woven through the entire book. I LOVE THE 80's! Who doesn't!? BONUS!
With that said, I once heard that God is not concerned with a life that is picture perfect, instead God is more concerned with our stories of restoration and redemption.
This book is a story of restoration and redemption...and a hopeful journey to keep growing.
Without giving Matt's story away, I will say that what I have taken from his words and his story is that we can never know what someone is going through.
We all wear masks and try to navigate this life as if we were in control of it. We hide our stories in hopes that we protect loved ones and ourselves. If we lie about who we are... it is possible that we could even convince ourselves that we are who we pretend be.
I suspect there are things that we all do that. I do!
I mask my story with humor and wear it like a big warm fluffy coat. I have always felt like if people thought I was funny..then it wouldn't matter what my story is.
Maybe our stories don't match but we all have pain and heartache. We look around and feel like we are knee deep in the aftermath of our world falling apart around us. We try to survey the damage and hurry to clean up the mess so that nobody else can see it! We stuff way down deep in hopes that it will just go away...But the truth is God wants to use our stories-even the hard ones to tell.
God shows up in unexpected ways...for Matt, for me, and for you....in our pain-and together we will find him.
