Life's Shift.

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” T.S. Eliot

Just as any "blind curve" I never anticipated what was around the corner for me this time last year.  It has been one of those spaces in life that feels like it has lasted an eternity or gone lightning fast, or often feeling as if  it never happened at all.

Without going into detail-I  would describe my life this time last year as doing a 180 in every aspect, over night.

It's in times like these that you hear some of the cliche "go-to" responses from people.  "Everything happens for a reason."  "God has something better for you."  "No, those skinny jeans don't make your butt look big."

I spent a good chunk of the last year giving God a gigantic-over dramatic eye roll.  Just like any "know it all" daughter does with her parents, when they try to tell her that they really do know what is best for her. That was me.

The truth is, it has been one of the darkest and loneliest times in my life.

Sure!  I have lots of  "light reflectors" in my life that kept pointing me in the right direction- but when you feel like you have had the rug pulled out in front of you-sometimes you just want to feel sorry for yourself.

You know when it rains and it is just beating you in the face and your face gets all squished up? That is how I have felt the last year or so.   It was almost as if a gray cloud followed me around and the Saturday Night Live character "Debbie Downer" said "Wha-wha" after all of my sentences.

In sports, they would call this last year a "rebuilding" year. The bank would call it a foreclosure.  A bankruptcy. Teenagers would refer to this season as an "epic fail."

Recently, I was sitting outside on a beautiful spring day.  The sun was shining, the flowers were blooming, birds were chirping-life was being blown into everything around me. As I sat, I was distracted by the wind blowing.  As cheesy as this sounds, it was as if God ordered that wind just for me, to get my attention!  As if there had been a terrible storm and when it was over he whispered "It's over. The bad part is over-it's safe now!" 

I just sat there, as the wind blew, and let God "speak" assuring me...to be myself...to make friends, to trust, to lead, to laugh and be happy!

God used those people who love me the most to shine light on the path when I couldn't see.  When I was down and felt sorry for myself, they didn't give up.  They were God's hands and feet and taught me about grace and unconditional love. They never turned their back on me-they love me through the dark part! They were my own special fireflies.

I am so thankful for the shift.  No more looking back for I am not going that way!

                    He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”

Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5



Oh no she didn't!

Last Summer, God locked my reading in the Bible to the book of James.  I read it over and over.  I was in a friendship crisis and felt as though I had nobody to turn to. My whole world was crumbling around me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. 
To be clear, I was NOT innocent in any of this-I spoke out of turn and said things that I shouldn't have. I wish there was a "do-over" button, but there isn't! The good news is, that I may not be able to do it over, but I do have the chance to learn from my mistakes and no repeat it again!
Something I read in James chapter 3 about controlling our tongues is this:

When our speech is motivated by Satan it is full of: bitter jealousy, selfish ambition, earthly concerns, unspiritual thoughts and ideas.

When our speech is motivated by Godly wisdom it is motivated by: purity, peace, consideration of others, submission, mercy, sincerity, immortality and goodness.


The truth is, no matter how flat you make a pancake, it still has 2 sides. It is very difficult to see guilt in the mirror! I am embarressed to say that has been true for me.

Perry Noble, Pastor of NewSpring Church in Anderson, South Carolina said it best:

"Some people don't want to talk TO you, they just want to talk ABOUT you."

It is a heck of a lot easier to talk ABOUT someone than TO them!  Nobody really enjoys conflict but we do like when people see "our side."

What if we could all push a pause button before we spoke an asked ourselves what our motive was?

Would it be worth it to say it?  If we could think all the consequences of what we say all the way through, you will still say it?

There is a difference in how we react and how we respond... reacting doesn't think-responding does!

What I learned about leadership by packing a diaper bag..

When our kids were babies and we would leave them with a babysitter, I wanted to make sure that the babysitter felt like she had EVERYTHING she needed to have a smooth couple of hours with my kids.

1. Because I wanted her to WANT to watch them again...

and

2. Because I wanted make sure my kids had everything they needed while I was away from them.

Have you ever noticed what kind of thought process goes into packing a diaper bag?

Anticipation is the name of the game.

It's not just about diapers and wipes, it is a well oiled system that takes planning.

There is so much to consider!  Where are you going? Who will be there?  How many bottles will you need? How much formula? What if there is an accident and need a changed of clothes?  What if it gets cold?  What if he/she gets a fever? Should you pack an extra passy?

It can be exhausting...and you haven't even left your house yet!

I want the person who is watching our kids to feel we have given them plenty of resources and information about our kids, so that the time they spend with our kiddos run as smoothly as possible.


Think about those you lead.

Do they have EVERYTHING they need?  Do anticipate what they MIGHT need to do their jobs successfully?  Does your team feel like they can function without you? 

Just like a mom will do anything to make sure the babysitter WANTS to watch their kids again, I think a leader should make sure that being on their team is so great, that they WANT to stay on your team! (...or better yet, they actually LOVE being on your team!)

Don't be confused, I am NOT saying a leader should DO EVERYTHING for their team, I am saying they should DO EVERYTHING TO EQUIP THEM!  EMPOWER THEM!

In leadership, it is the duty of the leader to do everything possible to see that their team feels as though  they have been trained, equipped, and empowered to do their jobs, not only when the leader is around, but also, when the leader is away! 

"Failure to prepare is preparing to fail." -John Wooden

#anticipate #prepare #empower  #lead

Front Row Seat

I once heard Andy Stanley say that if we are interested in finding out our weaknesses, then we should ask the people that work with us.  He says that the people we work with are never surprised by our weak spots.

Isn't this same idea true with our kids?  The truth is, our families have a front row seat to our lives and most of the time we forget they are watching us!  We have all heard the phrase that parents will say to their kids: "Do as I say, not as I do."  Kids hate that- and rightly so.

As parents, if we are truly concerned with WHO our kids turn out to be, then we need to be even more concerned with WHO we are!  If we are the most influential people in their life, then what are we teaching them by how we live our own life?

Are we practicing what we are preaching?  What are our kids gathering about WHO we are? What is the view from the front row?

If we expect our kids to value integrity then we have to live it, for more is caught than taught.

As parents, we are always being thrown curve balls and our kids are watching us.  We must lead ourselves before we lead ANYONE.

Right before Moses lead the Israelites into Israel, he gave them one last pep talk.  He said:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

⁴ “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.^{[b] 5} You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶ And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹ You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.


Catch that?  Moses told the Israelites to LEAD YOURSELF then LEAD YOUR FAMILY!

Parenting is NOT about your kids seeing you as PERFECT.. you will NEVER be able to pull it off! Parenting is about your story of RESTORATION and REDEMPTION.  It is about showing them where you have been, where you are, and where you are going.  The truth is, our kids will never outgrow our influence.  When they are grown and living their own life, they will still be watching us.

Here are some Self Tests we should all try to revisit as we continue this parenting journey.

1. It’s about you, not them.
Do a heart check. It’s great to want your child to be honest or responsible. But why? Is it because you want to see that in them? Or is it also because you want to be known as a mom or dad with great kids? Kids can smell their parents motives a mile away.  If you make their life about you-take a few steps back and PUNT! I don't think that it is ever too late for a parent to drop their ego.
2. You aren’t modeling what you’re saying.
I read a quote once that said "I can't hear you, your actions are speaking so loud that I can't hear what you are saying" It’s one thing to tell your kids to control their temper. It’s another thing to control yours. It goes without saying that what you do carries far more influence than what you say, unless what you say is consistent with what you do. 
3. You and your spouse aren’t on the same page.
Kids know how to manipulate the "system."  They know who the softy parent is and who is the rule follower.  Do not let your kids divide your relationship.  We tell our kids that mommy and daddy are on the same team.
4. You fail to do what you said you were going to do.
At a very young age, you kids figure you out!  If you don't follow through, your kids notice.  If you set a consequence, you better be ready to follow through.  If you say you are going to do something, then you better do it.  Your kids will lose trust in you when you are inconsistent.  (this one is HARD! and I fail regularly!)
5. You are a controlling parent.
It's tough, but kids need to learn defeat.  When we hoover over our children and control their every move, we are not preparing them for the real world.  YES! Set rules!  YES! Sent boundaries!  The key is knowing the difference in setting boundaries and being a puppeteer.  We are raising adults... plan accordingly.

If you start to address issues like these, you will grow in integrity. You will become more of the person you want your child to become.


Make it Personal.

Fight for the Heart.

Create a Rhythm

Widen the Circle

Lead with the END in mind.