Our youngest daughter is in 1st grade and has been working on "First, Then, Next, Last" in school. We like to quiz each other about how to do things around the house just to see how well she has caught on to the concept!
What I have learned is that it is not my daughter who needs help with this concept-but it's actually me who has no idea what to do first, then, next, and last in the correct order.
I am not alone! I see this all the time in the lives of my friends.
Maybe that is why I feel so normal!?
While it is true, that we can't predict every thing that will happen to us-we can make sure we have a pretty decent plan in place to make sure we are at least moving in the right direction.
I have been counting the chickens before they hatch for years! I blame it on my emotional decision making and capacity to day dream.
Our generation is known for expecting things to happen out of order.
One year, for my Birthday, my parents came to town and we went to dinner at Buca di Beppo. As we were waiting on our meal, I commented that the interior decor of the restaurant reminded me of what the inside of my sister's head must look like! (My sister is a very fun loving, exciting, bright and colorful girl, who loves a crowd and has an affinity for bright shiny objects!) We all laughed and enjoyed the rest of our time there!
If your brain were a room, what would the interior design layout look like?
I don't know about you, but when my life is crazy, so is my house! You can tell the kind of day/week/month/year that I am having by walking in my front door.
Hear me out!
I do not need to be on the next episode of "Hoarders: Buried Alive," but I if there were a show about clutter and nothing really having a place, then I could probably occupy a 30 minute episode!
I believe this is probably true for all of us. Sure, some of us are probably better at hiding it than others, maybe you do the exact opposite as me. Maybe when your life seems "crazy," your house is spotless, seeing housework as something you can actually control!
Those of you clean-organizing types are like aliens to me. I believe that secretly, somewhere in your home you have a messy drawer, closet, basement, or cabinet that nobody knows about!
Maybe you think, "I can't control all the chaos in my life, but I can control my house," and so that is how you can best cope!
I have been there too! ....ish. (You would be amazed at what giving me an hour with a container of Clorox Wipes would do for a kitchen on a stressful day!)
My husband says I need to do what he does and have "file folders" in my mind. Just like with any file cabinet, I would be able to keep my thoughts,emotions and anything else I feel like I need to "manage" in order, by prioritizing each one in a nice and neat system. It's easy for him.
(I picture the inside of his mind to look like one of those sparkly clean rooms in a
"Mr. Clean" commercial.)
I am someone who will start my car and spend the next 5 minutes digging in my purse, looking for my keys. I do most things on auto-pilot because I live my life in worrying I need to do next, rather than being in the moment and being deliberate. Chaos paralyzes me and makes it difficult for me to know what to do first.
I need to find a way to push through my natural tendency to daydream and easily distracted by the "bright and shiny" of the world and create a system in which I can focus long enough to put things back where they belong-and not just set it somewhere-never to be seen again.
This is not to say that how you or I run our homes are right or wrong, but more a practice in doing things that are more purposeful.
I am tired of reacting to chaos in my cluttered life and desire to slow my brain down and be more intentional and calculated in my day to day things. As much as I would love it, I am not going to wake up tomorrow and be as domestic as Martha Stewart! It is going to take effort on my part-not just one day but every day.
This is my 8th year attending The Orange Conference. If you are a teacher, pastor, leader, parent or just plain like kids, I can not tell you how much you would benefit from this event. I mean it. I have attended with a group, by myself, 8 months pregnant, and as a volunteer- no excuse keeps me from Atalanta in April. You will NOT regret it!
If you would like to go but don't know how to make it work financially-contact me in the comments and I will help you figure you something out.
Oh Lord, I am going to try to tackle a subject that is deeply personal and yet universal in all of our lives.
Heart break.
I have avoided this kind of sharing because lots of people read this blog that I know- like know personally.
My parents, my siblings, my grandma, my in laws, family members, friends, pastors, and lots of people that just plain know me.
It's easier to write to strangers about personal things... WHY IS THAT?
I will try to keep this light-intertwined with perspective and just enough detail to keep you interested.
My first real heart break comes to you from way back....back in the day, as they say. We were High School Sweethearts- together for 3 years but in my mind, I had our wedding planned, our kids named, and had already made lots of other plans for our long life together.
In all my daydreaming, I had practically perfected a beautifully signed signature with his last name attached to mine in preparation for all the future Christmas cards, checks, permission slips, we would sign someday.
As per usual, I lived in a world called SOMEDAY.
I had just transferred to a new college 4 hours from home and was conflicted with emotions. You see, my long time boyfriend and I had decided that a long distance relationship was not in the stars for us.
At least I think we decided. It seemed logical.
Fine.
I think that, for my part, I didn't take our agreement to part ways as serious as he did. I thought things would stay the same-we just wouldn't have the titles. I would live 4 hours away and we would see each other once a month, when I came to town to get my braces tightened. (This shows you that it's been a while since I have been in the dating game. I was an infant.)
In my foggy haze of denial, I packed up my Honda CR-V and left my little town- headed 250 miles away. It never occurred to me that I was closing a big chapter of my life. I thought nothing would change-nothing ever changes when you are 19 years old.
In my delusion, I settled into my new dorm, met new friends, and was learning more about my new found independence on my own in a new place.
I wish I could say that the guy that broke my heart was a real jerk. I wish I could say that he was no good and trouble with a capital T, but the truth is, he was a sweet boy who treated me like gold. He never raised his voice to me and always went along with any idea or plan I had made. He was gentle and attentive and by all accounts thought I was the cat's meow.
Growing up is tough because you change. When you are 16,17, 18, 19 years old, you just don't see yourself as changing. (I think this is true for when you are 34 as well.) You think that you have learned all there is to know about life and the reality is-you don't.. like at all. You know nothing.
Breaking up was hard for both of us. Like I said, I digested my pain with denial and he digested his pain with well, reality. While my head was in the clouds imagining how our first child's nursery would be decorated, he was actually moving on.
I remember where I was in my dorm when I heard that he had started seeing someone else. I was shocked! I was devastated. The down side to not accepting reality is that the world doesn't play along with you.
He had moved on without me.
He was not a monster-he just kept going on with his life. His world did not stop when I moved away.
I spent at least a month in my pink bathrobe watching Hope Floats on a 13 inch TV/VCR combo set. The movie would end and I would rewind it and watch it again. It was pathetic-I was pathetic.
I just laid there in waded up snot rags feeling sorry for myself.
I tortured myself by thinking of all the new things he was doing with this new girl in my town-OUR TOWN! Hanging out with my friends-our friends! I would go back home each month and would be smothered with memories and grieve him as if he was dead. I would beg God to not let me run into him and in the next breath, beg God to let me run into him.
Some wise musicians of my generation Kriss Kross would say I was "wiggity wiggity wiggity whack!"
I had to grieve all those things I had dreamed about for us. I had to learn to live with memories and know that -that was all they would ever be. I would only see him from my life's rear view mirror, that seemed to be getting farther and farther away from what once was.
I don't know why it is, that when you are heartbroken you can't see how irrational you are acting?
You create scenarios in your mind, like the ones you have seen in the movies where the one that breaks your heart, changes their minds and comes running back to you. (In those scenarios in my head it always included rain, a rock, and a bedroom window.) You pray that they will regret it someday and that there is a moment in their future where they will realize that you were the best thing that ever happened to them.
You are absolutely certain that every song about heartbreak is specifically written about you.
Here is the reality about heartbreak: It sucks. There is nothing worse. You can't fix it. You can't hide from it. It will have you asking all your friends if they think you are prettier than the new girl out of complete and total desperation. Here is the reality check you have all been waiting for... Take a few months and wallow. Eat pizza and gallons of whatever kind of icecream you want. Watch chick flix and sob. Look at old pictures and remember. Talk to your friends.
Then.. get your sorry butt up and get over it.
You have too much going for you to waste it in la la land. You need to be brave and walk straight through it.
Heartbreak leaves us with scars. They don't really heal exactly the same, you walk with limp. You are different.
You learn. You grow. You keep walking. You learn to live with the limp and after a while, you get used to it.
If I had to go back and change anything, I wouldn't. I needed that dose of reality, I needed to learn that having my head in the clouds isn't always so dreamy. I learned to see reality and appreciate people in my life and what they teach me even if it is only for short time.
I still walk with a limp but I still keep walking. I have learned that what lies ahead of me is far greater than what I leave behind.
If you are dealing with a broken heart I want to encourage you to keep walking straight through it.
You can and you will get through this.
Keep walking.. your future is waiting! Spoiler Alert....it all turns out exactly the way it should!
As my kids are getting older, I am starting to notice the difference in raising your kids in a large city and a small town.
I was raised in a small town and am now raising my children in a big city.
I grew up in the same town with both sets of grandparents, many of my aunts, uncles, and cousins who were really just extra siblings. My parents met in 2nd grade and were High School sweethearts. My friend's parents all grew up with my parents. During my school days, I had teachers that were my parent's teachers, some of my teachers went to church with my grandma and some of them attended the church my family attended.
Your worlds collide a lot when you live in a small town.
I knew every single person in my graduating class of 185 ish. I grew up with them. Kindergarten- 12th grade. I have memories of almost all of them, be it through the classroom, church, cheerleading, choir, or any other activity I was involved in. We were all together-all the time.
When you live in a small town, it is rare to not run into someone you know and there is an unspoken pressure to "keep your nose clean."
There is an old proverb about living in a small town that goes:
"You can not fart without the whole town smelling it." -Unknown
Wow, such wisdom.
When you grow up in a small town, everything is a big deal! Senior Night, High School Graduation Open Houses, Prom, Wedding Showers, Weddings, and Baby Showers are comparable to The Emmy's or The Governor's Ball.
Dresses are fancier, hair is bigger, cars are newer, and you just better keep up.
At a young age, it is known that you are to be involved in everything. Gymnastics, cheerleading, dance, soccer, t-ball, little league, swimming, and whatever else on the planet that there is to offer.
Parents are more tempted to compete with other parents to win the title of "My Kid is Better Than Your Kid Award," or, perhaps, try to accomplish the things they didn't get a chance to accomplish in their own childhood and use their children as opportunities to do so.
(For the record: This is a blanket temptation for any parent wherever you live-it is just more visible when you live in a small town. Everyone is watching!)
On the other hand, raising our kids in a big city has been an adjustment as well. Nobody knows who you are and you don't know who they are. There is no pressure to ever put make up on or get involved in anything because nobody knows you exist.
Your kids will get invited to spend time with a friend from school and you will have no idea who the child is or who their parents are.
It's scarier to live in a big city. People get murdered more... like 100% more. Kids are not safe to stand at the bus stop alone and it is tempting not to let your kids leave the house for any reason in order to ensure their safety.
Dances, sports, and any other extra curricular activity is more expensive and there is no real pressure to attach your identity to what you do after school. Popular kids are not always athletes or even the best looking kid in school. In fact, popularity is not the same thing in a large city school as it is in a small town school.
Big city kids are happy to have a few friends because it is impossible to know everyone in your class.
Parents aren't competing with each other on a school level but rather, they compete with themselves and their idea of what perfection looks like.
You can probably see that there are benefits to growing up in either scenarios. I love my little town and all the personalities that make up that home sweet home community that I call mine. I am who I am today because of the small town culture where I was raised AND something that I have learned through this big city living is that it is less important WHAT we are involved in and more important WHO we become.
Parents, whether you are raising your kids in a small town or a big city, always we keep WHO you are raising more important that WHAT they are involved in.
"Yeah, I think it's pretty clear. I ain't no size 2." I love bread.
All of it.
Pizza, rolls, cake, brownies, cookies, bread, bread sticks, cheese sticks, cereal, noodles, muffins, bagels, scones, biscuits, and crackers. I would personally prefer bread over a traditional birthday cake.
Infact, just like a can of biscuits, if you were to open me up, a heap of dough would ooze out.
I have never been addicted to things like drugs, tobacco, alcohol, or anything close to being on that TLC show "My Strange Addiction."
..I have no interest in running a hair dryer while I sleep, or eating lent or laundry soap, or be in an intimate relationship with my car.
I just want to eat bread.
Complex Carbohydrates comfort me. When I am stressed or sad carbs have always been there for me. A true constant in this ever changing world.
4 days ago, I had to end my relationship with my love affair with my life long friend, bread.
You see, I have struggled with my weight since I was young.
I like to blame bread. But it wasn't bread, it is me.
Bread didn't make me fat. My laziness and obsession with how comforting bread is to my soul, is what made me fat.
So I broke up with bread.
I am 4 days into my detox and though I feel like I am starving and craving more food, I also feel better. Like my insides feel better.
I hate that I have to admit that.
I hate hearing people who are active and eat "clean" say: "Oh I feel so much better..."
Listen. Let me tell you something. If the warm buttery goodness of a delicious dinner roll doesn't make you feel good about your life, then you are eating the wrong buttered rolls.
The truth, at least for me, is that I need to stop literally stuffing my emotions with Papa John's and face it-what ever it is.
So me and bread are on a break.
I have hopes that we can reconcile and be in a healthy relationship with each other again...but for now.. it's time to choose health.
(and I hate it. I hate being a grown up-but I want to be a grown up a little longer.. I still have a lot to do.)
Until then, Ill be here, doing the hard work-starving.
When I was pregnant with Cassity, I began experiencing a feeling as if my legs were trapped. As it turned out, I was experiencing Restless Leg Syndrome .
The only way I can explain it is when I was a kid and taking gymnastics, there was this "pit" of foam blocks that we could jump into for fun. Once, I got trapped. The pit was probably 6 feet deep and filled to the rim with foam and some how my legs got trapped so far down that I couldn't move.
I can remember feeling panicked and trapped. It really felt like the walls were beginning to cave in on me. If I could just move my legs I would be fine!
Back then, my RLS ususally came out of nowhere-but when it came, it usually came while I was in the car.
I can remember riding home one night from Adam's parents and making him pull over so that I could get out and pace until the trapped feeling that I was experiencing was gone.
Now a days, I experience RLS when I am the most tired and lay down to go to bed.
I know, it makes no sense.
So I get up and pace back and forth and it goes away, and back to bed I go.
In the last few years, it has felt like I have had restless heart syndrome.
God has planted this unrest in my heart and has given me very little guidance outside of it. I am antsy to get to work. I want to do every thing. I want to volunteer in every thing. I want start programs and new ministries and dream about what could be. I do not want to be a generation that missed it's opportunity!
I am restless.
I feel trapped by my circumstances.
I try to pace. I try to stay busy and I also try to rest. I try to tell myself that maybe if I would just be still, that God would reveal to me what this is all about.
My heart seems steady but the direction seems blurry.
I am trying to keep my hands open with a posture of trust...I don't need to be in charge. (At least that is what I am telling myself.)
I know that God has called me to something.. I just don't see it yet.
So I wait.
Do you ever have those times in your life? When you just don't know what God is going to do with you?
I used to think that you had to have an official title to lead something.
Maybe it was my own fear that made me want to hide behind a position of authority or the idea that other people's approval made it okay for me to speak with any authority.
The idea that someone's influence is based on what their title is seems
to make sense.....up until it doesn't.
There are plenty of people with titles who are leading no one.
Being a leader is like being a lady, if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't. Margaret Thatcher
You see, this is my biggest fear-that I would step out on my tiny limb and attempt to do what I feel like I was made to do... and people would say:
"Who does she think she is-to speak on the authority of God's Word?"They would be right to ask! Who DO I think I am?
I, for one, know exactly how unqualified I am! I know my failures and weaknesses and all the reasons pursuing what I feel is my life's calling would be much better suited for someone with a professional title.
God has called ME AND YOU into territories that YOU AND I do not feel worthy or qualified for.
For me, it is: Writing. Teaching. Developing Women Leaders.
...and I say: "Well Isn't that precious, God.."
Doesn't God know that I have general dislike for most all people? Doesn't God know that I can't spell, much less write? Doesn't God know that I almost failed 3rd grade!? Doesn't God know that I have NO formal training in public speaking? (This is where you insert all the things you tell yourself to keep you paralyzed by fear)
The answer to our questions is, yes.
Jen Hatmaker, spoke about this very thing a conference I recently attended.
She said when you start to battle in your head about how unqualified you are and all the MANY reasons that YOU CAN'T do this, to think about what you would say to one of your kids if they came to you with a vision of what they feel God is calling them to do.
What would you say?
"No! You are not good enough! You can't even spell! You almost failed 3rd Grade! You have never taught anyone anything! You don't even like people!"
No!!!
We would encourage them! We would be filled with pride and cheer them on!
That is what God does when his kids align themselves with what He has made them to do.
On our own we are unqualified but we serve a Savior that refines us.
Let's get brave and go do what we were made to do!
Lots of people have a bucket list. You know, the list of things you want to do before you die...or before you turn a certain age?
I have decided it would be more entertaining to make a bucket list of things that you will NEVER do.
So I decided to start my list, and I challenge YOU to do this... it's actually not that easy. You start second guessing yourself, thinking: "Maybe I will, actually, do a triathlon!?!?!" #nope
Here goes:
1. Participate in a triathlon. I'm to lazy. That is all. 2. Read Moby Dick. Nope, I have terrible reading comprehension and not enough patience to listen to it on audiobook. 3. Eat sushi. No Thanks. 4. Personally own a truck. I don't think they are girly-but they are super practical! I'm just a girly girl. 5. Climb a mountain. Again, too lazy and just plain don't want to. 6. Own a boat. I like boats. I just don't know enough about them or care to. 7. Mountain Bike. I mean, I would ride a mountain bike out to my mailbox and back, but have no desire to take a bike off road. 8. Give Birth to another child. Done and Done. 9. Live on a farm. Nope, I have a general dislike for animals, and again, I am to lazy. 10. Plant a garden. I am not disciplined enough. #lazy 11. Scuba Dive. I don't know why, but the thought of seeing everything swimming around me freaks me out. I like to see what I am swimming in. #pool 12. Star in a movie. Let's be real, it ain't happening. 13. Play a recreational sport. I am not competitive. I feel bad for the team that loses, even if it's not MY team. 14. Enjoy cooking. I don't like the clean up. Actually, I hate the clean up. 15. Solve for Y. Nope, never could do it and never will.
In summary, I am lazy.
What about you? What are some things you know that you will NEVER do?
There is a big difference in a Leader and a Manager.
There. I said it.
Neither are more important than another-each have a very important role!
A Leader charts the course-they are at their best when they are looking ahead and can see what is there.
A Manager steers the ship-they are into the details, they are at their best when they are getting things done.
In leadership, it is so important to realize what you are good at and what you are not so good at.
John Maxwell says:
"A leader is someone who surrounds themselves with people who are smarter than they are and gets out of their way!"
Just because a leader knows the direction the ship needs to go doesn't mean they know anything about steering a ship!
Leaders need to know when they are unequipped to do something and then find someone to help who is!
The truth is, EVEN if a leader could chart the coarse AND steer the ship, they couldn't do both at the same time. Someone has to work ON the route and someone needs to work IN it.
A good leader understands how to ride the waves of knowing when to get out of the way and when to throw someone a life preserver.
No micromanaging!
(Side note from my soap box: if you are a leader and you HAVE to micromanage someone on your team, then you have either: A. made the wrong hire. Sorry- but it's true. Hire HIGHLY CAPABLE people. Do not settle. OR....B. you are a control freak and nobody likes to work with you. Truth hurts.)
Here are some questions that I believe a leader should ask their managers every single year. (Thanks for asking...) #wink
(6 months out) Brainstorm -What is our mission and how are pointing people to it? -What is working well? -What is working BUT could work better? -What is not working and needs to "die" so that we can do the good stuff BETTER? -How can I help?
BIG IDEA: What is the ONE thing that we want people to take away from us this year?
(4 months out) Dream -What do you wish we could do? -What is keeping us from doing it? -What do you wish you could ask me about our organization? -What do you wish I would ask you about the organization? -What are you learning about yourself? How are you liking your job? -Where do you see yourself in 5 years? -How can I help?
BIG IDEA: How do you want your team to grow together and feel about being part of the team at the end of the year?
(2 months out) Goals-What systems/programs are returning next year and how will they work better? -Who is on your team? -How will you achieve your goal? -How will YOU grow yourself? -How will you connect with your team? How do you say "THANK YOU?" -What is your budget and how do you plan to use it? -Have you set dates for any events or programming for next year? -How can I help?
BIG IDEA: What is your strategy? How are you gonna pull off your goal?
VISION DAY! Cast vision to the rest of the staff and/or board with what your ONE main goal and strategy is for the new year. Negotiate dates and spaces for events that overlap on the calendar. Discuss as a staff how we can support each other as a united team.
Question: I think leaders have to be good followers-kind of like the show "The Undercover Boss" where the boss sees what it is like to work for Him. What kind of follower are you? What is it like to work for you?
I don't know about you but I spend a ton of time dreaming about MORE, which I am realizing means I am not content with what I HAVE.
(This is not to sound preachy... at all.)
I love MORE MORE MORE! I am the most guilty!
Is it me, or does it feel like the MORE _____________ you get, the MORE complicated life gets.
I think this is true for everything.
When I worked for church, I thought the more classes, more events, more outings, more volunteers, and more people that we had, the better our ministries would be.
What I learned was we burned out.
We did too much.
In doing too much, we didn't do a whole lot of anything with excellence, we just did it half way-for the sake of doing it.
I was tired, my team was tired, and we didn't have the energy to do anything anymore.
I spent a lot of time talking about how PRO FAMILY I was-and the church was, but everything we did cancelled out what we said and made it seem we were actually ANTI FAMILY.
The more programming and events we offered, the more people it took to pull it off, the people (the families) who worked so hard for us, never had a chance to be home together.
We were stretching them thin, rushing their time for dinner, for homework, time to just be in the same room together.
You can fill in the blanks of what MORE has done in your own professional and personal life.
I imagine a merry go round, spinning around and around, faster and faster, then realizing that it's going too fast and you are feeling "woozy." It's hard to get the merry go round to stop, there has been too much force and momentum building up to where you find yourself. There are other people involved! They might be enjoying the ride and you feel bad about wanting them to stop-so you can get off!
Sure! You can stay on the ride... but you will end up puking all over your friends and who wants to clean that mess up? I would rather make some people mad, than have them clean up my mess.
Simplify. Do just ONE thing (THE MOST IMPORTANT THING) with excellence, then add something else.
TIP:
Ask yourself what the most important thing in your life is and quit everything else until you are doing that one thing with excellence.
I recently decided to do this. For the last 6 months I have stepped away from everything on my calendar. I am not committed to doing anything. My life has been a big ball of clutter and it was wearing me down. I has not been easy-in fact it has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I am a YES person. I never say NO. .........and that finally caught up to me.
I can tell you that my time looks differently and that I am finally finding time do things that I love again.
Sometimes, you just gotta rebuild yourself.
There was a book mark I had when I was in middle school that said
"THE MAIN THING IS TO KEEP THE MAIN THING, THE MAIN THING."
What is it for you?
Maybe it's your health.
So drop everything that is cluttering up your ability to focus on diet and exercise, so that you can focus on it!
Maybe it's your time-maybe you feel like your calendar is running your life.
So cancel appointments, quit signing up for things, get yourself in control of your time, THEN add to
it.
I come from a long line of women who love the challenge of putting puzzles together. My grandma LOVES the challenge of a puzzle. My mom and my sister also enjoy putting together puzzles.
(Fun Fact: My sister even whistles while she puts a puzzle together.)
Somehow, this puzzle gene has skipped me. I have never had the patience for it.
They can do this for hours....HOURS! Not me, I say, pass me something less quiet, a bag of chips and something with an "easy button!"
I hate challenges and waiting.
A few days ago, my daughter was putting together a puzzle and as I was desperately trying to stay in the moment with her and focus on finding the piece that had Doc McStuffin's ponytail-I had a life revelation!
Maybe life is kind of like a puzzle?
I can remember the summer before I moved away for college, thinking about who I wanted to become. It was a fresh start for me, I wasn't carrying around anyone else's expectations or misconceptions of me anymore! Nobody knew this small town girl! Nobody knew who my parents were, or who my grandparents were. Nobody on that Indiana campus knew what I did in High School or who I went to Prom with.
In fact, I am pretty sure that they could have cared less.
Nobody had expectations for me.
At the age of 19, I had a golden opportunity to recreate myself. Up until then, my parents had helped me put those big life pieces of my life's puzzle in place.
The new sense of freedom was overwhelming. My parents were no longer watching over me and expecting me back home at a decent hour. Teachers did not hold me accountable for going to class or doing my homework and it was now my responsibility to make major life decisions for myself.
It was my turn to put the pieces of my life together all by myself.
Part of me loved the independence! The other part of me was paralyzed and I had no idea where to begin.
Just like starting a puzzle, It's hard to know where to begin!
It wasn't that I was scared, it was that the weight of each decision I made was going to be a pivotal piece of the "Adult Leslie Size" puzzle that I was trying to put together. It felt like each move had a specific place and shape.
The lessons I have learned have shaped me.
The lessons continue to shape me.
Something that I hope I always keep in mind is that this puzzle isn't finished. God created the puzzle, then handed us all the pieces to go through life putting them in just the right place.
Just like a puzzle, some shapes are easy to place and others are difficult.
We can't give up because it gets too hard or too tricky, but instead, we can ask for help! Help from those around us who love us, we can pray and trust that we are not alone-that God is never surprised by our difficulties in finding where each piece of the puzzle fits. Why? Because God knows what the end picture looks like.
That's the beauty of the puzzle.
Puzzles are less difficult when done TOGETHER!
We teach the kids that DETERMINATION is deciding it is worth it to finish what you started.
God gave us this great puzzle called life and at the end of it, hopefully we stand back and say, "It's done! .....and it was worth it!"
Each shape represents our victories and our defeats-but in the end the bigger picture will be clear.
Life is not about knowing all the answers, but rather, its about the discovery of the right fit for each piece of the puzzle.
Deep Thought Question:
At the end of your life, what will your life's picture reveal? What are some of the pieces of your puzzle that are already in place? I wonder what pieces are still waiting to fit?
Today I am going to see a friend of mine who happens to be a dentist about getting my teeth fixed once and for all!
You see, I have had this space between my teeth since my two front teeth grew in as a baby. I have had surgical procedures, braces, and even had the gap "filled" in and it just keeps finding it's way to the surface.
The usual response that I get from my sweet family and friends goes something like this: "I don't even notice it"
"I can't imagine you without it.."
"It gives you character.."
"I think it's cute!"
The thing is, I see it. I see it in every single picture I take-I see it every day when I brush my teeth.
It bugs me.
I don't hate it. It doesn't make me feel insecure. It just bugs me.
I love you Michael Strahan...but.... no.
This is not a campaign about loving your imperfections.... please do not report me to DOVE's campaign for real beauty, because the gap between my teeth is the least of my imperfections!
I just think... I am 33 years old... I have battled it in every way I know how...I think it's just time to do it...
If I can find the money, Veneers are in my future.
13 years ago TODAY, Adam surprised me, by showing up to the daycare that I was working at, handed a pink rose to every 2 year old in my class and asked me to marry him....
I was 21 and he was 23. Infants.
I have been thinking about the things that every young bride should know about before she gets engaged...especially since my daughters are obsessed with The 19 Kids and Counting, Duggar Daughters and their talk about Courtship and I was obsessed with the recent reality series "Married at First Sight" I decided here has to be a happy medium between all that and what I consider "normal."
Here are just a few (some serious and some sarcastic funny) legit pointers off the top of my head (in no particular order)
1. Stop rushing. Stop it. I mean it... What on earth is your hurry!?!?! Go get an apartment and live by yourself for at least a year! Decorate it as girly as you want! 2. If you have it in your head that your marriage will look like a television show couple, I have a couple of suggestions : * Stop. You are not ready for marriage. I mean this in the kindest way-You are delusional. Go be young! Revisit marriage in a few more years. Those people are fictional characters who have people who literally write the words that come out of their mouths, do their hair and makeup, and you need to spend time in a real life situation.
3. Make a monthly budget, then, each of you write out how you would spend the money-then compare them. -What are the biggest differences in your priorities? Talk amongst yourselves.
4. Move furniture together. My new husband insisted on solving the Pythagorean Theorem to decide if we should move our bed to the corner of the bedroom.
I just blinked. Who was this nerd I traded my last name for?
5. How your guy treats his mother and sister is a good indication of how he will eventually treat you (and your future daughter/s)
Take notice.
6. In general, he should do everything you ask (with enthusiasm).
This will come in handy for pregnancy cravings and monthly sweet/salty needs-mostly.
This also includes (but not limited to)
- diet coke fountain drinks - feminine hygiene products - diapers - baby formula - printer ink - pickles and chips - cake - Starbucks - batteries - peanuts and candy corn - prescription and over the counter meds.
7. Once a week, sit down and compare calendars. It sounds very "business-like" but it's necessary. Practice doing life together. See if your priorities match up.
8. Watch carefully how he interacts with babies and small children! This one is a biggie! It will make or break you in the middle of the night when your newborn has colic or your 2 year old has barfed all over your bed.
It's 2014, people! Dad's should be able to do anything and everything a mom can do!
I know if I dropped dead today, my husband would know exactly what to do with our kids.
Other than fix the girl's hair. He sucks at that.
9. How do they interact with YOUR family?
10. How do they interact with your friends?
11. How do they encourage you to have your own hobbies?
12. What kind of fighter are they?
-passive? -angry? -shut down? -fair?
13. What bad habits do they have that you think will change when you get married?
Stop. Go to counseling right now. 14. Practice talking. Be specific.
Tell him exactly what you mean by details. "Fine" "Yes" "Good" "No" or any other 1 word answers are not good enough.
As a general rule of thumb, most men do not know that when you ask "How was it?" that you are really asking:
-Who was there -What were they wearing -Who looked the best -Who looked the worst -Who said what -Did you see anyone that I know -What did you say -What did they say -Did they talk about me -What did you eat -What did they eat -How were the bathrooms
You know... just stuff like that.
15. Do you generally like to be around them? Like, how is your actual friendship status? I can tell you that this one will make or break you...
There will be a time, sooner than later, when you will look into the eyes of the father of your children and wonder how you could possibly murder him and not get caught...and it will be your friendship that saves him.
That, and the thought of the narrator of SNAPPED telling your story on Oxygen. 16. And finally, before you think that the romance is dead and the "honeymoon" is over...remember:
Romance is changing the gauze from a Csection because your wife can't see over her post pregnancy flab. It's going to Kroger to get sweets at 10pm because she has a sweet tooth. It's jumping in and subbing in any given kids ministry class when your wife is the kids pastor and has no other option. It's never complaining when she needs out of the house and away from the children. It's doing the dishes every night because you know she absolutely hates it. It's never opening your mouth when your wife's side of the room is an explosion of clothes and you wonder if she will ever pick it up. Marriage is straight up hard... you will want to give up... MANY times. Brides magazine will not tell you any of this, because they want you to think that your wedding is just the start of a magical fairy tale life with Prince Charming.
While you are dreaming of all that... might I encourage you to plan harder for the marriage!?
Now go! Be young and naive! None of this pertains to you! You and your new husband WILL be the ones that always have a super clean house, a bank full of money, kids that are born potty trained and never cry. Breakfast will always be in bed, and dishes will never be dirty, while fresh baked pies will always be cooling in your window. Vacations will be endless and you will wake up in the morning with minty fresh breath, a full face of make up and not a hair out of place.
In a couple of weeks, my High School Cheerleading Squad will be holding an Alumni Fundraiser and they are asking that all past cheerleaders send in pictures and memories of when they were cheered.
As I was collecting old pictures from my cheerleading days, my heart was filled with great memories. I was reminded of the Brad Paisley song called "Letter to Me" and I thought it might be fun to write a letter to me...at seventeen.
Letter to Me (The Leslie Edition) Um. First of all, you are not fat or ugly. Stop it, stop it right now! You have nothing to prove to anyone at all. Why should you!? YOU ARE 17!!!!! Do you realize how stinkin' easy your life is right now? Your parents pay for everything! You have a job and spend your pay check on hair products and cute tops!
Please do me a huge favor and just laugh and be a kid-I will thank you later. Dang! Aren't all those Rowan County boys cute!? You sure will kiss a lot of those sweet faces but... they aren't the one. You won't meet "him" til college. 17 year old boys are super cute but their attention doesn't determine your worth....although.. I understand that it does help sometimes. Stop focusing on it so much.
(ps: Between you and me- they all grow up, lose their hair and gain weight...and so do you. Looks are nowhere near important.)
Go learn to play an instrument-maybe something fancy like the cello. Read more books-and might I suggest books on tape-it really helps with our comprehension issue.
Take initiative with your school work. Look, we know we aren't rocket scientists and that is not the point. Talk to your teachers-they are not scary! They are actually real life human beings that like you and want you to succeed. Go talk to them! Ask for help-they crave it! Get this-they once had a burning passion in their hearts for students to ask for their help... they are tired and often wonder what they were thinking when they wanted to be a teacher... restore their hope and ask for help!
Oh my gosh, Leslie.....this is a big one! You won't believe it until you see it... the internet.
I just. I can't explain it... just be ready.
Write this one down: Nothing that you do in High School to be popular makes one lick of difference the exact minute you walk across the stage with your diploma. You will never-ever, not once, see anyone wearing their High School letter-man jacket to college. Like, for real.
Practice playing second fiddle. This is a life lesson we may never learn, but try to give others all the credit! Help others. Just help them. Smile and say hi to people you don't know. Invite people that you don't know to sit with you at lunch and stick up for those who are being picked on. You may think that by not saying anything-you are innocent..but your silence makes you just as guilty.
Do not get wrapped up in drama. It's stupid and embarrassing. Don't.
Hug Holley Russell-tight.
Verbally say thank you to Tammy Nielson, Matt and Heather Bays, Eddie Lundergan, Kris Alderman, Roberta Early, and Alice Payton-- what they have done for you, has made a difference. You are becoming a better person because of their influence.
Spend more time with your siblings. Invite them into your life-show them what being a teenager looks like and give them advice! They are watching you and even if she refuses to do anything you say, your sister is actually listening...she is just strong willed. Keep laughing at your brother...he is slightly irritating but...get this.. you name your son after him and he turns out just like him!
Lastly, mom and dad are uber strict for a reason. Yeah- it's not cool but it's not supposed to be. Let's face it, we are in bed at dark-what do we need a curfew for anyway!? Listen to everything mom and dad say -it's okay to roll your eyes, they don't expect you to agree..the most hilarious thing about it is, in a matter of years, your mouth will open and everything they said will come out !
You are doing great-you have great friends and wonderful people around you. They are shaping you! The awesome news is...I have been to the future...and I can tell you, your best days are ahead of you!
As I have grown up, I have wanted to be known for so many different things, these are just a few that have evolved in my heart over the last 20 years:
A cheerleader.. Pretty... Thin.. Popular... Graduate... College Student... Dating.. Bride.. Married... Pregnant... Mom.... Pastor.. Leader... Helper.. Writer... Creative.. Smart... Successful.. Jesus Follower..
We all want to be best known for something we have done or can do! In this chapter, Jen writes about how putting the action into what God is calling you to do, often means losing our ego in service to someone or a whole host of people.
On page 204 she writes:
I don't want to be known for a great brand.
I don't want to be admired for a great campus.
I don't want to be recognized for a great marketing campaign.
I don't want to be praised for great programming.
I don't want to be applauded for great theology and scholarship.
I want the church to be great because we fed hungry mommas and their babies. I'd like to be great becayse we battled poverty with not just our money but our hands and hearts. I desire the greatness that cones from seeking only mercy but justice for those caught in a system with trapdoors. I hope to be part of a freat movement of the Holy Spirit, who injects supernatural wind and fire into His mission.
My version of great will come with others scratching their heads and saying: "Wow, you live a really different life."
For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest. Luke 9:48
I think that we all talk a pretty fantastic game, we all want to lose ourselves in service to others! I truly believe that it is in all of us, to want to help one another.
It's not always easy to serve others, when it might mean that we, oursleves have to sacrifice something to do so.
Maybe it's money? Maybe it's our title? Maybe it is recognition?
Those are my three.
I don't like the idea that I would work my tail off on something and not get anything in return.
I am not proud of that-and I almost deleted that entire sentence.
....but its true.
I am claiming it.
God calls us to serve- not to serve and be praised!
My ego needs to take a big fat hike.
How About YOU? What is it for you? What keeps you from a life of serving and not being served?
