Does it show?

One year, for my Birthday, my parents came to town and we went to dinner at Buca di Beppo. As we were waiting on our meal, I commented that the interior decor of the restaurant reminded me of what the inside of my sister's head must look like!  (My sister is a very fun loving, exciting, bright and colorful girl, who loves a crowd and has an affinity for bright shiny objects!) We all laughed and enjoyed the rest of our time there!

If your brain were a room, what would the interior design layout look like? 

I don't know about you, but when my life is crazy, so is my house!  You can tell the kind of  day/week/month/year  that I am having by walking in my front door.

 Hear me out!

I do not need to be on the next episode of "Hoarders: Buried Alive," but I if there were a show about clutter and nothing really having a place, then I could probably occupy a 30 minute episode!

I believe this is probably true for all of us.  Sure, some of us are probably better at hiding it than others, maybe you do the exact opposite as me. Maybe when your life seems "crazy," your house is spotless, seeing housework as something you can actually control!

Those of you clean-organizing types are like aliens to me.  I believe that secretly, somewhere in your home you have a messy drawer, closet, basement, or cabinet that nobody knows about!

Those of you who are fans of the show "FRIENDS" will remember that even the neurotic, clean freak
Monica Geller had a crazy closet that she kept locked and wouldn't let anyone see.

Maybe you think, "I can't control all the chaos in my life, but I can control my house," and so that is how you  can best cope!

I have been there too! ....ish.
(You would be amazed at what giving me an hour with a container of Clorox Wipes would do for a kitchen on a stressful day!)

My husband says I need to do what he does and have "file folders" in my mind.  Just like with any file cabinet, I would be able to keep my thoughts,emotions and anything else I feel like I need to "manage" in order, by prioritizing each one in a nice and neat system.  It's easy for him.

(I picture the inside of his mind to look like one of those sparkly clean rooms in a 

"Mr. Clean" commercial.)

I am someone who will start my car and spend the next 5 minutes digging in my purse, looking for my keys.  I do most things on auto-pilot because I live my life in worrying I need to do next, rather than being in the moment and being deliberate.  Chaos paralyzes me and makes it difficult for me to know what to do first.

I need to find a way to push through my natural tendency to daydream and easily distracted by the "bright and shiny" of the world and create a system in which I can focus long enough to put things back where they belong-and not just set it somewhere-never to be seen again.

This is not to say that how you or I run our homes are right or wrong, but more a practice in doing things that are more purposeful.

I am tired of reacting to chaos in my cluttered life and desire to slow my brain down and be more intentional and calculated in my day to day things.  As much as I would love it, I am not going to wake up tomorrow and be as domestic as Martha Stewart!  It is going to take effort on my part-not just one day but every day. 

Dang.

Our Nesting Place

So I have started reading a  decorating book 

by Myquillyn Smith aka "The Nester" called The Nesting Place.

What you should first know is that I love looking at houses and admiring home decor what you should also know is that I know nothing about decorating a home.  

I stroll through Target, Home Goods, Pottery Barn, and Hobby Lobby admiring all the cute home nicknacks and am also paralyzed by them at the same time.

I don't understand the concepts of decorating. The way things should be position, the colors that should be paired together, or how to choose the right paint for the size of room.

I am not a risk taker-at least when it comes to home decor.

I play it safe in various tones of beige.  My philosophy is that if I keep my walls in the beige family, then I can change up my furniture without having to repaint.

I am sure those of you who are decorators are appalled by that concept.   You are probably thinking, "The fun is in the paint color!!"

Friendship Breakups and Growing Up

I love television-mostly comedies but I am not limited by it.  I love The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, New Girl, The Mindy Project, Parks and Recreation, Meet The Goldbergs, The Blacklist, Dateline, The Ellen Degeneres Show, anything on HGTV, and find Netflix takes my addiction to television to a new level.


One show that I have managed to avoid is The Bachelor, which is odd because of my passion for television but the whole premise always annoyed me.

A few weeks ago, that all changed.  I was busy doing something and The Bachelor was on in the background.  You guys, it was like a train wreck!  I couldn't help but watch.

The drama and the level of absolute INSANITY that these women possess is fascinating.

I guess it isn't surprising considering there are 12ish beautiful women in 1 house trying to win the affection of 1 man.  It is the perfect storm for high drama and high conflict!


POP. THE. CORN.

We All Die Famous In A Small Town

As my kids are getting older, I am starting to notice the difference in raising your kids in a large city and a small town.

I was raised in a small town and am now raising my children in a big city.

I grew up in the same town with both sets of grandparents, many of my aunts, uncles, and cousins who were really just extra siblings. My parents met in 2nd grade and were High School sweethearts.   My friend's parents all grew up with my parents.  During my school days, I had teachers that were my parent's teachers, some of my teachers went to church with my grandma and some of them attended the church my family attended.

Your worlds collide a lot when you live in a small town.

I knew every single person in my graduating class of 185 ish.  I grew up with them. Kindergarten- 12th grade. I have memories of almost all of them, be it through the classroom, church, cheerleading, choir, or any other activity I was involved in.  We were all together-all the time.

When you live in a small town, it is rare to not run into someone you know and there is an unspoken pressure to "keep your nose clean."

There is an old proverb about living in a small town that goes:

"You can not fart without the whole town smelling it." -Unknown

Wow, such wisdom.

When you grow up in a small town, everything is a big deal!  Senior Night, High School Graduation Open Houses, Prom, Wedding Showers, Weddings, and Baby Showers are comparable to The Emmy's or The Governor's Ball.

Dresses are fancier, hair is bigger, cars are newer, and  you just better keep up.

At a young age, it is known that you are to be involved in everything. Gymnastics, cheerleading, dance, soccer, t-ball, little league, swimming, and whatever else on the planet that there is to offer.


Parents are more tempted to compete with other parents to win the title of  "My Kid is Better Than Your Kid Award,"  or, perhaps, try to accomplish the things they didn't get a chance to accomplish in their own childhood and use their children as opportunities to do so.

(For the record: This is a blanket temptation for any parent wherever you live-it is just more visible when you live in a small town.  Everyone is watching!)

On the other hand, raising our kids in a big city has been an adjustment as well.  Nobody knows who you are and you don't know who they are. There is no pressure to ever put make up on or get involved in anything because nobody knows you exist.

Your kids will get invited to spend time with a friend from school and you will have no idea who the child is or who their parents are.

It's scarier to live in a big city.  People get murdered more... like 100% more.  Kids are not safe to stand at the bus stop alone and it is tempting not to let your kids leave the house for any reason in order to ensure their safety.

Dances, sports, and any other extra curricular activity is more expensive and there is no real pressure to  attach your identity to what you do after school.  Popular kids are not always athletes or even the best looking kid in school.  In fact, popularity is not the same thing in a large city school as it is in a small town school.

Big city kids are happy to have a few friends because it is impossible to know everyone  in your class.

Parents aren't competing with each other on a school level  but rather, they compete with themselves and their idea of what perfection looks like.


You can probably see that there are benefits to growing up in either scenarios.  I love my little town and all the personalities that make up that home sweet home community that I call mine.  I am who I am today because of the small town culture where I was raised AND something that I have learned through this big city living is that it is less important WHAT we are involved in and more important WHO we become.

Parents, whether you are raising your kids in a small town or a big city, always we keep WHO you are raising more important that WHAT they are involved in.

WHO > what

We Broke Up.

"Yeah, I think it's pretty clear.  I ain't no size 2."

I love bread.


All of it.


Pizza, rolls, cake, brownies, cookies, bread, bread sticks, cheese sticks, cereal, noodles, muffins, bagels, scones, biscuits, and crackers.  I would personally prefer bread over a traditional birthday cake.


Infact, just like a can of biscuits, if you were to open me up, a heap of dough would ooze out.

I have never been addicted to things like drugs, tobacco, alcohol, or anything close to being on that TLC show "My Strange Addiction."

..I have no interest in running a hair dryer while I sleep, or eating lent or laundry soap, or be in an intimate relationship with my car.



I just want to eat bread.


Complex Carbohydrates comfort me.  When I am stressed or sad carbs have always been there for me. A true constant in this ever changing world.


4 days ago, I had to end my relationship with my love affair with my life long friend, bread.

You see, I have struggled with my weight since I was young.


I like to blame bread.  But it wasn't bread, it is me.

Bread didn't make me fat.  My laziness and obsession  with how comforting bread is to my soul, is what made me fat.


So I broke up with bread.  

I am 4 days into my detox and though I feel like I am starving and craving more food, I also feel better.  Like my insides feel better.  

I hate that I have to admit that.

I hate hearing people who are active and eat "clean" say:  "Oh I feel so  much better..."

Listen. Let me tell you something.
 If the warm buttery goodness of a delicious dinner roll doesn't make you feel good about your life, then you are eating the wrong buttered rolls.

The truth, at least for me, is that I need to stop literally stuffing my emotions with Papa John's and face it-what ever it is.

So me and bread are on a break.

I have hopes that we can reconcile and be in a healthy relationship with each other again...but for now.. it's time to choose health.

(and I hate it.  I hate being a grown up-but I want to be a grown up a little longer.. I still have a lot to do.)

Until then, Ill be here, doing the hard work-starving.

Stay tuned.


currently listening to: ALL ABOUT THAT BASS

The UN Bucket List

Lots of people have a bucket list.   You know, the list of things you want to do before you die...or before you turn a certain age?

I have decided it would be more entertaining to make a bucket list of things that you will NEVER do.


So I decided to start my list, and I challenge YOU to do this... it's actually not that easy.  You start second guessing yourself, thinking: "Maybe I will, actually, do a triathlon!?!?!"  #nope

Here goes:

1. Participate in a triathlon. I'm to lazy. That is all.
2. Read Moby Dick. Nope, I have terrible reading comprehension and not enough patience to listen to it on audiobook.
3. Eat sushi. No Thanks.
4. Personally own a truck.  I don't think they are girly-but they are super practical!  I'm just a girly girl.
5. Climb a mountain. Again, too lazy and just plain don't want to.
6. Own a boat.  I like boats.  I just don't know enough about them or care to.
7. Mountain Bike. I mean, I would ride a mountain bike out to my mailbox and back, but have no desire to take a bike off road.
8. Give Birth to another child. Done and Done.
9. Live on a farm. Nope, I have a general dislike for animals, and again, I am to lazy.
10. Plant a garden.  I am not disciplined enough.  #lazy
11. Scuba Dive.  I don't know why, but the thought of  seeing everything swimming around me freaks me out.  I like to see what I am swimming in. #pool
12. Star in a movie.  Let's be real, it ain't happening.
13. Play a recreational sport.  I am not competitive.  I feel bad for the team that loses, even if it's not MY team.
14. Enjoy cooking.  I don't like the clean up.  Actually, I hate the clean up.
15.  Solve for Y.  Nope, never could do it and never will. 



In summary,  I am lazy.


What about you?  What are some things you know that you will NEVER do?

SHIP Happens

There is a big difference in a Leader and a Manager. 

There. I said it.


Neither are more important than another-each have a very important role!

A Leader charts the course-they are at their best when  they are looking ahead and can see what is there.

A Manager steers the ship-they are into the details, they are at their best when they are getting things done.


In leadership, it is so important to realize what you are good at and what you are not so good at.

John Maxwell says:


 "A leader is someone who surrounds themselves with people who are smarter than they are and gets out of their way!"

Just because a leader knows the direction the ship needs to go doesn't mean they know anything about steering a ship!

Leaders need to know when they are unequipped to do something and then find someone to help who is!

The truth is, EVEN if a leader could chart the coarse AND steer the ship, they couldn't do both at the same time.  Someone has to work ON the
route and someone needs to work IN it.

A good leader understands how to ride the waves of knowing when to get out of the way and when to throw someone a life preserver.

No micromanaging!

(Side note from my soap box:  if you are a leader and you HAVE to micromanage someone on your team, then you have either: A.  made the wrong hire.  Sorry- but it's true.  Hire HIGHLY CAPABLE people. Do not settle.  OR....B. you are a control freak and nobody likes to work with you. Truth hurts.)


Here are some questions that I believe a leader should ask their managers every single year.   (Thanks for asking...) #wink

(6 months out)  Brainstorm
-What is our  mission and how are pointing people to it?
-What is working well?
-What is working BUT could work better?
-What is not working and needs to "die" so that we can do the good stuff BETTER?
-How can I help?

BIG IDEA:  What is the ONE thing that we want people to take away from us this year?



(4 months out) Dream
-What do you wish we could do?
-What is keeping us from doing it?
-What do you wish you could ask  me about our organization?
-What do you wish I would ask you about the organization?
-What are you learning about yourself?  How are you liking your job?
-Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
-How can I help?

BIG IDEA:  How do you want your team to grow together and feel about being part of the team at the end of the year?



(2 months out) Goals-What systems/programs are returning next year and how will they work better?
-Who is on your team?
-How will you achieve your goal?
-How will YOU grow yourself?
-How will you connect with your team? How do you say "THANK YOU?"
-What is your budget and how do you plan to use it?
-Have you set dates for any events or programming for next year?
-How can I help?


BIG IDEA:  What is your strategy? How are you gonna pull off your goal?

  
VISION DAY!
Cast vision to the rest of the staff  and/or  board with what your ONE main goal and strategy is for the new year.  Negotiate dates and spaces for events that overlap on the calendar. Discuss as a staff how we can support each other as a united team.



Question:    I think leaders have to be good followers-kind of like the show "The Undercover Boss" where the boss sees what it is like to work for Him.  What kind of follower are you?  What is it like to work for you?

I QUIT!

Here is a question:

Is MORE better?

In your life, what does MORE look like?

MORE.... 

work

money

volunteers

kids

friends

time

sleep

programming

furniture

books

classes

clothes

shoes

chocolate

I don't know about you but I spend a ton of time dreaming about MORE, which I am realizing means I am not content with what I HAVE.

(This is not to sound preachy... at all.)

I love MORE MORE MORE!  I am the most guilty!

Is it me, or does it feel like the MORE _____________ you get, the MORE complicated life gets.

I think this is true for everything.

When I worked for church, I thought the more classes, more events, more outings, more volunteers, and more people that we had, the better our ministries would be.

What I learned was we burned out.

We did too much.

In doing too much, we didn't do a whole lot of anything with excellence, we just did it half way-for the sake of doing it.


I was tired, my team was tired, and we didn't have the energy to do anything anymore.

I spent a lot of time talking about how PRO FAMILY I was-and the church was, but everything we did cancelled out what we said and made it seem we were actually ANTI FAMILY.

The more programming and events we offered, the more people it took to pull it off, the people (the families) who worked so hard for us, never had a chance to be home together.

We were stretching them thin, rushing their time for dinner, for homework, time to just be in the same room together.


You can fill in the blanks of what MORE has done in your own professional and personal life.

I imagine a merry go round, spinning around and around, faster and faster, then realizing that it's going too fast and you are feeling "woozy."  It's hard to get the merry go round to stop, there has been too much force and momentum building up to where you find yourself.  There are other people involved!  They might be enjoying the ride and you feel bad about wanting them to stop-so you can get off!

Sure! You can stay on the ride...  but you will end up puking all over your friends and who wants to clean that mess up?  I would rather make some people mad, than have them clean up my mess.

Simplify.  Do just ONE thing (THE MOST IMPORTANT THING) with excellence, then add something else.

TIP:
Ask yourself what the most important thing in your life is and quit everything else until you are doing that one thing with excellence.

I recently decided to do this. For the last 6 months I have stepped away from everything on my calendar.  I am not committed to doing anything.  My life has been a big ball of clutter and it was wearing me down.  I has not been easy-in fact it has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done.  I am a YES person.  I never say NO.  .........and that finally caught up to me.

I can tell you that my time looks differently and that I am finally finding time do things that I love again.

Sometimes, you just gotta rebuild yourself.

There was a book mark I had when I was in middle school that said

"THE MAIN THING IS TO KEEP THE MAIN THING, THE MAIN THING."

What is it for you?

Maybe it's your health.
So drop everything that is cluttering up your ability to focus on diet and exercise, so that you can focus on it!

Maybe it's your time-maybe you feel like your calendar is running your life.
So cancel appointments, quit signing up for things, get yourself in control of your time, THEN add to
 it.

Let's stop the glorification of more.

Currently listening to: CONSTANT

Puzzled

I come from a long line of women who love the challenge of putting puzzles together. My grandma LOVES the challenge of a puzzle.  My mom and my sister also enjoy putting together puzzles.
(Fun Fact: My sister even whistles while she puts a puzzle together.)

Somehow, this puzzle gene has skipped me.  I have never had the patience for it. 

They can do this for hours....HOURS! Not me, I say, pass me something less quiet, a bag of chips and something with an "easy button!"

I hate challenges and waiting.

A few days ago, my daughter was putting together a puzzle and  as I was desperately trying to stay in the moment with her and focus on finding the piece that had Doc McStuffin's ponytail-I had a life revelation!

Maybe life is kind of like a puzzle?

I can remember the summer before I moved away for college, thinking about who I wanted to become. It was a fresh start for me, I wasn't carrying around anyone else's expectations or misconceptions of me anymore! Nobody knew this small town girl!   Nobody knew who my parents were, or  who my grandparents were. Nobody on that Indiana campus knew what I did in High School or who I went to Prom with.

In fact, I am pretty sure that they could have cared less.

Nobody had expectations for me.

At the age of 19, I had a golden opportunity to recreate myself. Up until then, my parents had helped me put those big life pieces of my life's puzzle in place.

The new sense of freedom was overwhelming.  My parents were no longer watching over me and expecting me back home at a decent hour.  Teachers did not hold me accountable for going to class or doing my homework and it was now my responsibility to make major life decisions for myself.

It was my turn to put the pieces of my life together all by myself.

Part of me loved the independence!  The other part of me was paralyzed and I had no idea where to begin.

Just like starting a puzzle, It's hard to know where to begin!

It wasn't that I was scared, it was that the weight of each decision I made was going to be a pivotal piece of the  "Adult Leslie Size"  puzzle that  I was trying to put together. It felt like each move had a specific place and shape.

The lessons I have learned have shaped me.

The lessons continue to shape me.

Something that I hope I always keep in mind is that this puzzle isn't finished. God created the puzzle, then handed us all the pieces to go through life putting them in just the right place.

Just like a puzzle, some shapes are easy to place and others are difficult.

We can't give up because it gets too hard or too tricky, but instead, we can ask for help!  Help from those around us who love us, we can pray and trust that we are not alone-that God is never surprised by our difficulties in finding where each piece of the puzzle fits.  Why?  Because God knows what the end picture looks like.


That's the beauty of the puzzle.

Puzzles are less difficult when done TOGETHER!

We teach the kids that DETERMINATION is deciding it is worth it to finish what you started.

God gave us this great puzzle called life and at the end of it, hopefully we stand back and say, "It's done! .....and it was worth it!"

Each shape represents our victories and our defeats-but in the end the bigger picture will be clear.

Life is not about knowing all the answers, but rather, its about the discovery of the right fit for each piece of the puzzle. 

We are not alone. 

Deep Thought Question:
At the end of your life, what will your life's picture reveal? What are some of the pieces of your puzzle that are already in place?  I wonder what pieces are still waiting to fit?

Sand Trapping

Have you ever noticed that if you pick up a handful of sand and squeeze it really tight it just pours right out?  HOWEVER! If you scoop up the sand and cup it in your opened hand-it stays...

(...and yes, in my picture, it is sugar.  I live in Indiana, people!  Who do you think I am? Jimmy Buffett? ) 

Anyway.

I think the same goes for the people in our life.  If we try to hold on too tight, they can slip away.  Our intentions are to protect the ones we love by being over protective, and maybe a little over possessive, because we love them so much and don't want to lose them.

 The truth is, nobody wants to be smothered or controlled and what we truly fear, ends up happening as our loved ones flee from our tight grip.

We want to be in relationships with people who trust us and give us the freedom to fly and support us even when we strike out.  When we give the people in our lives the freedom to fly, they will feel respected and valued and they will return to us again and again and again.


This is not a revolutionary thought, but paints a very accurate picture of what it means to "catch and release."

We all can think relationships in our lives where we might have held on too tightly.  We did so out of fear, but lost in the long run. Maybe it was with a friend, a child, a parent, a sibling, or a spouse...our intentions were pure, but we held on too tight out of fear.  Fear of losing them, fear of NOT being in control of them and pushed them away.

Dr. Phil says:
"what we fear, we create."

I think he is right.

The things that we usually fear most in our lives end up coming true because we are so busy focusing on the fear-than actually enjoying the time we have.

We all want to be loved but we also want freedom to grow and to breath. Maybe it's time we let go. Maybe we need to open up our hands and let the people in our lives take a breath!  Trust them!  Trust God.

Let's practice!

This Is Today..

(This is not my picture, I do not own it.)

I have grown up watching The Today Show.  I remember Jane Pauley, Bryant Gumble, Matt Lauer, Katie Couric, Ann Curry, Willard Scott, Al Roker, and the whole he-haw gang that have followed.  

Over the last year, I have been watching how The Today Show has been transforming how they do the news.  It is my understanding that ratings have been down and they are trying some new approaches to grow their audience.

I have noticed these 3 things.

1. ENVIRONMENT. They changed the entire set- what use to be a more library feel,is now a modern and colorful stage, with several elements.  The big  window, where fans stand out and wave at people back home.  The new "Orange Room" that is made especially to catch up on social media buzz with one time time host of MTV's TRL (Total Request Live) Carson Daly.  

2. AUTHENTICITY/CONNECTION. The broadcasters engage with each other, with the viewing audience, and with the crowd outside differently than they have in the past.  I have noticed that everyone seems to be less uptight and rehearsed.  Each person on the show seems to have a refreshing authenticity about them. Each, having their own personality and style.  They seem like real life people instead of robotic talking heads.
They laugh!  They are willing to do things that they aren't comfortable doing- they talk about their personal lives such as weddings, marriage, parenting, pregnancy, childhood memories, personal experiences that we, the viewer can relate with!

I trust them more knowing that they are everyday people like you and I.

3. FIRST IMPRESSION. 

 Listen, as I type this, I am wearing a sweatshirt that has survived at least 2 of my pregnancies.  Its old, stretched out and ugly.  I have no reason to judge how anyone dresses, but I can tell you that, I will connect to someone wearing fashionable trendy clothing over someone wearing a suit.  

Every single time.

As church leaders of the next generation, there is something that we can learn from watching how The Today Show is rebranding.  They are trying to reach a new generation.  They see that our generation has razor sharp "fake indicators."    We are craving authenticity.  We want to learn and grow from hearing other's stories.  We want to know that we are all just people and none of us actually know what we are doing.

Researchers show that somewhere between 60-80% of my generation has left the church.

I believe it.

....and I love the church.

We/they left because we/they are sick and tired of legalism and fake people.  This generation sees that the church is swarming with those kind of people.


The church is losing their audience.

But, hey! I think there is good news! Aren't WE the church?   The church isn't a building-the church  is people!  

Buildings can't make changes and pick up their crosses and carry it with them daily!  Buildings can't be  the hands and feet of Jesus...but people can!

Can we make church a place where un churched people like to come to?

Is it worth it? (the answer is yes.)

It is not about our personal preference.  It's about our hands and feet reaching out to those who haven't heard, haven't seen, haven't tasted the good news of Jesus!

To those of us who are already followers of Jesus: it's our responsibility to grow OURSELVES.
 Jesus didn't say
"Hey, those of you that are in this with me, all you need to do is go to church on Sunday, sing songs  that you prefer, drink coffee, eat cookies, dress up and only hang out with other Christians. It will be like a fun social club! Oh! ...and  make people who don't believe in me, feel really uncomfortable when they visit your church. Your only job is to be comfortable until you die."


Instead he said GO!  GO tell people!  He even showed us how!  Jesus  never sat around and waited for people to come to him, Jesus went to them! Jesus knew that people connect best with stories and so he told them RELEVANT stories that they could relate to.

If  He were here today, I believe Jesus would take a look around the community that he was in, and figure out the best way to relate to those people-then he would do it.

Case and point: THE WELL 

How do we do that? Well, it's not going to be by the way we did in the past.

(Insert the definition of insanity here.)

I think that we start by removing our preferences and creating a place that is not intimidating and doesn't feel like a funeral home.

Lastly, the one thing I notice the most about The Today Show transformation is that their message is still the same.  They are still giving us the news...  they have just packaged it differently.

We need to carry the next generation on our shoulders and cheer them on!  Make banners that say

"GO do whatever you need to do to tell others about Jesus!  We support you!"  

It's worth it.

It's not about me-or you.
Steal my show.

The Space Between

Today I am going to see a friend of mine who happens to be a dentist about getting my teeth fixed once and for all!

You see, I have had this space between my teeth since my two front teeth grew in as a baby.  I have had surgical procedures, braces, and even had the gap "filled" in and it just keeps finding it's way to the surface.

The usual response that I get from my sweet family and friends goes something like this:


"I don't even notice it"

"I can't imagine you without it.."

"It gives you character.."

"I think it's cute!"

The thing is, I see it.  I see it in every single picture I take-I see it every day when I brush my teeth.

It bugs me.

I don't hate it.  It doesn't make me feel insecure.  It just bugs me.

I love you Michael Strahan...but.... no.

This is not a campaign about loving your imperfections.... please do not report me to DOVE's campaign for real beauty, because the gap between my teeth is the least of my imperfections!

I just think... I am 33 years old... I have battled it in every way I know how...I think it's just time to do it...

If I can find the money, Veneers are in my future.

I posted it here on my blog.

No take backs.

I'm Not Who I Was

 There is an age old proverb about self awareness that goes:

 

We have all known someone that refuses to see their actions as wrong or selfish-at least in the moment. It is as if the world really does revolve around them-it's their world and we are just living in it.

I think it is safer to play the victim than be guilty of acting a fool.  Being the victim to life's circumstances is like laying on the couch in your sweats, wrapped in a warm blanket, watching football.  It's  oh so comfortable .....I can almost smell the chilli cookin' on the stove.  

Speaking of football, Graham Gano, Kicker for the North Carolina Panthers, wanted to show us all what it is it like to be an entitled victim during his warm up time a couple of weeks ago:

(For those of you reading from your phone and can not see this video click HERE )

Thanks, Graham. Got it.

Wonder what Graham was thinking as he took the field to warm up?  I know what he was thinking, because I have had similar thoughts in my own life's circumstances:

"They are in my way!  I have to warm up! This is MINE! I never get to __________ because _________________.   ME! ME! ME!   I! I! I!"


His own voice was so loud in his head that he could not see anything else around him.  (Or, in his case, he couldn't hear the trombone that was literally playing in his ear.)


I wonder how many times, I have done this in my own life?  How many times I have been so fed up with my circumstances, that I could not see what was happening on the field because I was blinded by my own intentions?

How many times have I shoved a trombone player out of my way so that I could, once and for all, have my own well deserved moment on the field?

Chances are, after seeing it played over and over and over on national television, this guy is humiliated.  He may never live this one down.  Lucky for us, we are not public figures and we do not have to live the agony of late night talk show hosts making fun of our moments of self indulgence and temper tantrums.

 I have been Graham Gano many, many times in my day and can not promise that I won't again.. but I can promise that I will always try to see my self and how my actions will reflect who I say I am.

Do my actions match my words ..or do they scream:  "YOU OWE ME!"

I hope that  I  can live a life that proves that I am not who I was.

All This Time.

I can remember laying in my bed, in my college apartment, watching as my roommates were getting ready for class when the phone rang and it was my mom telling me that there had been a plane crash into the World Trade Center.

The first thing I thought was that it must have been an accident.  I imagined something must have gone wrong with the plane!

As I was on the phone, I told my roommates to go turn on our tiny 13 inch television in the living room so that we could watch  the news, when a second airplane hit the second tower!

Our country was under an attack.

In that very moment, for the three of us 20 year old girls standing in an apartment in Indiana and for the rest of the entire world,

things would never be the same.

13 years have flashed before our eyes.  I look at my children (ages 10,8, and 5) and realize that they do not know a life without terrorism and war.  Our kids do not know what it is like to live without Homeland Security.

It's always a humbling feeling to explain to a child what happened on September 11, 2001.
I imagine, as a child, it must feel the same way it feels when I hear about President Kennedy being assassinated, I wasn't born, but the people who were, remember exactly where they were and what they were doing.

We can't understand the logistics.

Why are we hated so much?

In the eyes of a child, it's even harder to imagine the hatred that is aimed toward us.

"Maybe, if they knew our family, maybe they would like America!?" said one of my kids.


The answer is, we don't know why the hatred for us has boiled over for them!

What we can know is that our God is bigger than terrorism, bigger than war, bigger than hate,  bigger than violence and threats.

We can trust that God is compassionate and grieves with us. God is a peaceful God and a God that comforts.

We can have faith, we can have hope and we can have love... and I think that they are stronger than any terrorist group. 
As parents, we don't have to have the answers, when we can point our children to God and direct their hearts to a trusting relationship with Him!


"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love." 
1 Corinthians 13:12-13 The Message Version

A Letter to Me

In a couple of weeks, my High School Cheerleading Squad will be holding an Alumni Fundraiser and they are asking that all past cheerleaders send in pictures and memories of when they were cheered.

As I was collecting old pictures from my cheerleading days, my heart was filled with great memories. I was reminded of the Brad Paisley song called "Letter to Me" and I thought it might be fun to write a letter to me...at seventeen.

Letter to Me (The Leslie Edition)

Um. First of all, you are not fat or ugly. Stop it, stop it right now!  You have nothing to prove to anyone at all.  Why should you!?  YOU ARE 17!!!!!  Do you realize how stinkin' easy your life is right now?  Your parents pay for everything!  You have a job and spend your pay check on hair products and cute tops!

Please do me a huge favor and just laugh and be a kid-I will thank you later.
Dang! Aren't all those Rowan County boys cute!? You sure will kiss a lot of those sweet faces but... they aren't the one.  You won't meet "him" til college.  17 year old boys are super cute but their attention doesn't determine your worth....although.. I understand that it does help sometimes.


Stop focusing on it so much.

(ps: Between you and me- they all grow up, lose their hair and gain weight...and so do you. Looks are nowhere near important.)

Go learn to play an instrument-maybe something fancy like the cello. Read more books-and might I suggest books on tape-it really helps with our comprehension issue.

Take initiative with your school work.  Look, we know we aren't rocket scientists and that is not the point.  Talk to your teachers-they are not scary!  They are actually real life human beings that like you and want you to succeed. Go talk to them!  Ask for help-they crave it!  Get this-they once had a burning passion in their hearts for students to ask for their help... they are tired and often wonder what they were thinking when they wanted to be a teacher... restore their hope and ask for help!

Oh my gosh, Leslie.....this is a big one!  You won't believe it until you see it...  the internet.

I just. I can't explain it... just be ready.

Write this one down: Nothing that you do in High School to be popular makes one lick of difference the exact minute you walk across the stage with your diploma.  You will never-ever, not once, see anyone wearing their High School letter-man jacket to college.
Like, for real.

Practice playing second fiddle.  This is a life lesson we may never learn, but try to give others all the credit!  Help others.  Just help them.  Smile and say hi to people you don't know.  Invite people that you don't know to sit with you at lunch and stick up for those who are being picked on.  You may think that by not saying anything-you are innocent..but your silence makes you just as guilty.

Do not get wrapped up in drama.  It's stupid and embarrassing.   Don't.


Hug Holley Russell-tight.

Verbally say thank you to Tammy Nielson, Matt and Heather Bays, Eddie Lundergan, Kris Alderman, Roberta Early, and Alice Payton-- what they have done for you, has made a difference.  You are becoming a better person because of their influence.


Spend more time with your siblings.  Invite them into your life-show them what being a teenager looks like and give them advice!  They are watching you and even if she refuses to do anything you say, your sister is actually listening...she is just strong willed.  Keep laughing at your brother...he is slightly irritating but...get this.. you name your son after him and he turns out just like him!


Lastly, mom and dad are uber strict for a reason.  Yeah- it's not cool but it's not supposed to be.  Let's face it, we are in bed at dark-what do we need a curfew for anyway!?  Listen to everything mom and dad say -it's okay to roll your eyes, they don't expect you to agree..the most hilarious thing about it is, in  a matter of years, your mouth will open and everything they said will come out !

You are doing great-you have great friends and wonderful people around you.  They are shaping you! The awesome news is...I have been to the future...and I can tell you, your best days are ahead of you!

Go.Fight.Win!

Cheers

Me

Motivation and Effort- I HATE YOU.

I don't like to run.

Runners find dead people.

It's true!  It is always "the local runner" that discovers the dead body at the park that we hear about on the news.

I prefer swimming and aerobics.

Well, no, I take that back, I prefer laying on the couch and watching television.

With that said, I was running/walking/thinking on the treadmill yesterday and I decided that the hardest part of working out is the process of getting ready to work out.

It isn't the actual activity itself... it's the moments leading up to getting your shoes on, (and all the other support devices you need) and getting  a bottle of water poured.

It's a lot of effort...

(To be fair: you should note that I feel this exact same way about getting my children ready to play in the snow as well.)

Just as a rule of thumb, I  hate effort- period.

I have friends that live for physical activity and sweat and whole foods and gluten free.

Me, I like the poisonous, antibiotic filled food.

Poptarts.
Chips.
Chicken Nuggets.
Bagged shredded cheese.
Diet Coke.


That is who I am.  

I sit in my car at the stop light and watch the half naked fitness enthusiasts jog by me  as I stuff my face with a quarter-pounder (with cheese, thank you very much) and wonder if they know that, either way, sweat or not, they will die and will not live forever-and then, the very next thought I have is why can't I be like them!?

Motivation is a "bear dog" that I have been fighting for my absolute entire life.

I wonder what it would be like if your legs didn't touch when you walk and what kind of chaffing cream Jennifer Aniston uses?

Oh wait....

In the meantime, I am gonna keep climbing this gigantic mountain of health and self improvement because I think that my brain benefits...


but I still hate it.


Now if you need me....I need to go get ready.. sigh.

GO!

Currently Listening to: SHAKE IT OFF

The Law of The Referee

I am not a big sports fan-but something I have noticed about referees is that not many actually like them. 

Why?

Well, I think it is because they don't actually play the game. It seems to me they just blow their whistles and point out when players have done something wrong.

We all have "referees" in our lives.  You know, those people in our lives who don't actually know us, but think they do and seem to delight in pointing out everything they think we do wrong....

Nobody likes a referee.

I used to think that I was being held back professionally by someone else's ego.

The frustration, the hurt, the sadness, and disappointment often felt suffocating.

Anger and bitterness became tension I carried around like a hot, wet blanket.

I poured and stirred gallons of effort to prove myself worthy- thinking that if everyone else could see how much I cared, then someone would fight for me.

The more I tried, the more misunderstood I was.  What was meant to be seen as passion and energy for the organization was taken as overbearing and questioning of authority.

Painful lesson, after lesson showed me that no amount of energy or earned popularity would get me far enough with my referee.

I was peddling 100 miles a minute on bike that never moved.

What seemed like common sense became uncommon sense.

All rational thinking was out the window.

 I had fouled out.

I was bad news-a loose cannon.  Too radical and pushy.

I felt black balled.

Inferior.

Offended.

Slap after slap, kick after kick, I was wounded but oddly, not tired. I still had the energy and the hope that God wanted to use me.

I decided I was going to leverage this space in time to ask hard questions about myself to trusted mentors.  What frustrated me most was  my referee was blind to how they were coming off.  It was like they had no self awareness.

I decided that I would be self aware.  Even if it broke my heart, I was going to ask those around me to give it to me straight-by telling me what I most needed to work on and how I could better see myself.

If anything good were to come from this hurtful situation, it would be that I would grow!


I refused to be the victim!

 Because I was "unqualified " to work at the job I wanted, I found myself at home with free time.

I was fueled by the hope that I had in what God could do in my life long term. God began stirring in me, the dream of "what if!?"


 In the midst of brokenness and bright flashing stop lights at what seemed like every turn....
God was actually giving green lights in other ways-I just didn't notice them yet.
I began to see my hard work pay off with opportunities opening to reach a larger community than the current  "gag order" that I felt sentenced to.

I wondered why I was empowered by this huge area of influence that saw my potential and gave me a voice, but the smaller area of influence that I had been rejected by, saw me as a nuisance?

The good slowly began to drown out the bad.

The once loud ego driven "referee" who blew their whistle and pointed out my fouls, was now drowned out by the cheers of those who believed that I am not defined by one person's ideas of me.


Now, I can see that God was using my brokenness to fuel my passion.

 I don't know if I believe that God used this referee in my life to teach me a lesson, but I do know that God leveraged my reactions of it to help me see that I am not in charge..and that his ways are bigger and better than my ways.

Let's all be life long learners instead of victims, and STOP listening to the referees.



C.S. Lewis once said:

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.


.. or, what Britt Nicole says.

GO!

For the life of me, I can not figure out what I want this blog to be about.

Wanna know what paralyzes me most about writing a blog?  Fear of critics.


The fear of people not liking me is on my short list of scary stuff-it falls somewhere under drowning and mice.


What if I write something that offends someone!?




The thought of someone criticizing me make me never want to do anything.




I need to suck it up.

My mom once heard someone say: "Opinions are like buttholes-everyone has one."

We have all seen those people who write these really awesome opinion pieces that lands them reposted by The Huffington Post and the Today show for the controversial words they wrote.

How arrogant am I to think ANYTHING I would say would place me on some kind of  worlds most controversial bloggers.


Chances are my blogs will attract my mother and my best friend and maybe some random guy in Russia.


It is time to punch fear in the face.


It's time for Leslie to START saying what I want!

What's Gonna Work?

I was a child once, I have 3 children of my own, I have been around children all of my life, and it seems that we are primed for teamwork at a very young age. When we are just toddlers we are told to take turns, to share, to cooporate, to listen, to "use our words," to follow the rules, to consider others feelings, and that there are consequences to all of our choices. 

The best example of team work I have ever been part of, happened 3 years ago and all i could do is watch. 

I was in the hospital, in labor with our youngest child.  By all accounts the labor was running smoothly and consistent with my last 2 deliveries.

The doctor came in to break my water, and when she did, the umbilical cord, came out.  To all of our surprise, we had an emergancy on our hands.  (The umbilical cord is a life line to the baby, if it is cut off, the oxygen is cut off.)  This is called a Prolapsed Cord.

Instantly, my doctor was on the bed with me,  she began talking softly and camly, explaining exactly what was happening-she told me that she had to keep her hand on the baby's head as to keep it from cutting off the oxygen for the baby.  My doctor told me to keep my eyes on her and to stay calm. (yeah, right)

The nurse  who had been taking care of me had already jumped into action.  I was moved onto another bed (along with the doctor who was attached to me) and being wheeled to the O.R. very quickly.  Everything seemed so fast paced that I couldn't process what was happening quick enough. 

The nurse was yelling orders to the team of other nurses as they were rushing around prepping for my c-section.

I noticed that my nurse was THE ONLY ONE speaking.  My doctor was with me on the bed, and looking at my face, she only spoke to me calmly and quietly.  The nurse seemed rushed and anxious but TOTALLY in charge.

We arrived in the O.R. and the anaesthesiologist greeted me, keeping his voice soft and calm.  He told me what was happening and held my hand. 

After what seemed like 15 seconds, my doctor was off the bed, hands washed, gloves on, medical apron on, hair in ponytail and cutting me open to save my littlest one.

I remember thinking "She was just "elbow deep" holding my baby's head in place and now she is cutting me open-not to mention wearing a ponytail!" 

I blinked a couple of times and our baby was born!

A tiny and sweet little girl. Healthy.

11 minutes from the time my doctor has broken my water.

Leadership lesson?


Take initiative.  See what needs done and do it! Had the nurses waited for the doctor to bark orders we might not have had a better outcome.  The nurses knew that the doctor was concerned about ME and that they had to do the grunt work.

The doctor and the nurses knew the seriousness of the situation, she also knew that if I (the patient) saw her panic that things could get worse.

That day, nobody worried about who was most qualified, or who was in charge, or how they appeared to others.  Ego was nowhere to be found. 

While the doctor was assuring me, the nurses took charge and made things happen!  From the moving me to another bed to the Doctor's ponytail, this was a team that worked together and had the same END in MIND.

Safety and wellbeing of Patient and child.

Job well done.


It is amazing what we can do when it doesn't matter who gets the credit.