Friendship Breakups and Growing Up

I love television-mostly comedies but I am not limited by it.  I love The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, New Girl, The Mindy Project, Parks and Recreation, Meet The Goldbergs, The Blacklist, Dateline, The Ellen Degeneres Show, anything on HGTV, and find Netflix takes my addiction to television to a new level.


One show that I have managed to avoid is The Bachelor, which is odd because of my passion for television but the whole premise always annoyed me.

A few weeks ago, that all changed.  I was busy doing something and The Bachelor was on in the background.  You guys, it was like a train wreck!  I couldn't help but watch.

The drama and the level of absolute INSANITY that these women possess is fascinating.

I guess it isn't surprising considering there are 12ish beautiful women in 1 house trying to win the affection of 1 man.  It is the perfect storm for high drama and high conflict!


POP. THE. CORN.





I think the reason you could call this one of my new guilty pleasures is that I can watch this drama go down before my eyes and never once have to be part of it.

You see, I hate drama.  I hate conflict.

Scratch that-I fear it.

I am terrified of it!

I do not understand the purpose of fighting.  I personally enjoy the "doormat" philosophy of relationships and allow myself to be hit by trucks.  It's just easier... right? (no.)

It's probably because of my desperate need for EVERYONE on the planet to like me.

I feel complete harmony with the world when nobody is mad at me.

This has caused me to start isolating myself from people.  See, I  have this theory that if I stay away from people-then they can't be mad at me.

It's a sickness.

Don't get me wrong-I have friends.  I have THE BEST friends! My friends are better than your friends, frankly. I don't care what you say! (wink)

My best friend in the entire world has known me since I was 4 years old.  She has seen many layers of Leslie shed over the years-even when she knew I was wrong, she allowed me to learn and grow....and by golly she liked me anyway! #AbbyAdamsThomas

I am the luckiest girl to have such wise and loving friends.  You know who you are.





I guess I have just allowed myself to become extremely guarded and frankly hard to get to know-on purpose!

In the last 5 years I have lost quite a few friends-no, not just any friends, like, some of my best friends ever!  There is certainly part of me that would like to tell you that I didn't do anything to deserve it-but  I did.  I am not innocent.

Sure, I played the victim and that worked for a while..
It's always kind of nice to have people take your side.

The thing about forming alliances is it never actually heals the pain of losing the friendship. Eventually, the pain will resurface.

Then, in some cases, I took responsibility and apologized.

Sometimes, we apologize because we are obviously in the wrong and absolutely should reconcile, other times we, leave our ego's at the door, and choose to apologize for the sake of the friendship-even if we aren't exactly sure we did anything wrong.

We teach our kids:
FORGIVENESS IS DECIDING THE ONE THAT WRONGED YOU, DOESN'T HAVE TO PAY.
"Doesn't have to pay" means we don't make them feel guilty, anymore.  We stop being passive aggressive. We stop pouting.  We stop being manipulative by holding something over their heads.

We stop trying to prove how wrong they are and right we are.
It means we let it go-whatever IT is.

Lesson?
Sometimes, apologizing and/or deciding to forgive  is all it takes to repair the friendship.

Sometimes, it's not enough.

I can think of a circumstance in my own life where I carried the burden of guilt long after I apologized (over and over and over.)

My friend's UN FORGIVENESS made me feel even worse!  It made me feel like I was unforgivable to everyone!  ...maybe even to God?

Then God used a sermon that was preached by a Pastor at a church we were visiting to speak to my heart.

I heard God say:

Leslie, I am only worried about YOUR heart and YOUR intentions.  You did what I call for everyone to do- treat others how you want to be treated-love your neighbor as yourself.  You said you were sorry-you took the blame.

YOU. ARE. FORGIVEN. BY. ME.

You do not need to carry the blame any longer!  You can trust me with your friend's heart. 
It's time for you to stop carrying these chains- forgive yourself and move on!

You see, you and I are free, because GOD says we are free!  We can not control anyone but ourselves.

When you know you have done all that you can, then it is time to move forward and not look back.

Sometimes, we can reconcile and repair broken friendships-and sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can't.

Don't be the victim. Own what you are responsible for, fight FOR the friendship!

Go to bed at night knowing that you did your best-and then move on and rebuild what was broken-even if that means, you have to start from scratch.  Forgiving someone doesn't mean things will go back to the way the once were-maybe it never will...what is important is how we are handling our hearts.  Are we holding grudges and becoming bitter or are we doing our best to become better people?

We were never meant to do this life alone.  God gifted us with people-with friends, to love us and encourage us and cheer us on!

Let's all be brave and love others boldly-and for crying out loud let's forgive because WE HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN!

“In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part." Matthew 6:14-15 The Message

Dang.

This is song reminds me of my friends-who love me anyway. Words can't express how grateful I am for YOU.
I'm with you.
Currently Listening To: I'm With You by Amy Grant and Nichole Nordeman