In 4th grade, I was in the checkout line at Kroger with my mom and I spotted a BRIDES magazine on the shelf by the counter. I picked it up and started scanning through every page and my mom asked me if I wanted to buy it! I was so excited! The entire car ride home, I studied every ruffle, frill, and lace pattern! I loved the colors of the Bridesmaids dresses and dreamed about what color I would choose if I were a Bride and who I would want to be my bridesmaids! I loved dreaming about weddings! This continued through my teenage years! I collected so many Brides magazines that they began to take up too much space in my room. My mom suggested that I cut out my favorite things from each magazine and put them in a folder! When my friends would come over to spend the night, I would pull out my Wedding Binder and we would study it and dream of our weddings someday.
In 6th grade, (1993) I was sitting at my kitchen table rolling my hair with Caruso HairSetters when my little brother knocked over the steamer and the water poured all over my bare arm.
As you can imagine- I reacted!
I ran to the kitchen sink and turned the cold water on and stuck my arm under it as fast I could.
When we feel pain-we react fast to do what we can to make that pain go away.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately.. we are wired reactors. We are made to react.
There is a great story in the Bible about a woman named Naomi who lost her husband and both of her sons in war. Naomi tries to get her daughters in law to go back to their hometowns to be with their families to start over. One daughter in law went back and the other, Ruth, refused to leave her mother in law. The Bible reads it like this:
But Ruth said, “Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!” Ruth 1: 16-17 The Message You can read more about it HERE
I think that when we are most sad or even depressed, we want to be alone. Isolating ourselves from everyone! We can't possibly believe anyone wants to hold on with you. You think: "Oh... they are too busy-I am fine!" Or "I don't want to burden them with my sadness." "I just want to be alone." The truth is, that God designed us for relationships-friendships! We were never supposed to do this life alone! Naomi didn't give up on Ruth! Ruth thought that she wasn't worth sticking with, and pushed Ruth away. Ruth fought for Naomi! Have you ever felt like this? Have you pushed people who have tried to "lock arms with you" because you truly believed that they couldn't possibly have it in them to stick with you? I have! Luckily I have amazing friends who fight for me! They check in! They love me well! They are my "Ruth." I wonder who YOUR "Ruth" is? In other words: "Who is your person?" If you don't have someone, I would encourage you to start seeking out friendships with people-the best way to combat loneliness is with a friend! How is that for Rocket Science?
From now on, no more alone time! Text your friends! Call them! Meet up for lunch!
Recently, I read an article about a teenage girl who was suspended from her high school for wearing a tank top to school. (Please don't get me wrong, I am pro tank top-it's hot outside and we should be able to dress accordingly.) What struck me about this girl was that she (and her parents) knew what the rules were and yet, she broke the rules and was offended that she had to pay the consequences. Parents! We have to stop believing that our kid's happiness is our top priority. They are kids! If there is a rule to follow, then it is our responsibility to teach our kids that the rules apply to them. No! They don't have to agree with the rule-but they do need to respect it. There are other ways to pursue change AND be respectful! If you don't like the rules then take action! Start a petition or go to a school board meeting and plead your case! As parents, we have to stop catering to our children's happiness and teach them to be adults. Life doesn't always go the way we want. If we don't prepare our children for adulthood, then the real world will be a very cruel place for them when they grow up. If they disrespect their boss-they will get fired. We have to remember that we are raising adults. We have to keep the END in mind! Who (not what) do you want your kids to grow up to be? Compassionate, Respectful, Responsible, Loving, Selfless, Friendly, Team Player, Encouraging, Loyal, Forgiving, and Wise? How do we teach them those things if we are constantly catering to their happiness?
As parents we are to serve as guides for our kids so that they are ready to launch into adulthood. THAT is our job-NOT catering to their happiness. Let's raise this generation to the be the best one yet!
I have been reading a TON of books lately. My head feels like it might explode in the best way possible! One book that I am finishing up now is by Lysa Terkeurst called "Uninvited."
I think that there is a fear in every single one of us that is rooted in rejection. We all want to be accepted, part of the group, good enough to be at the table, and affirmed in some way-that who we are is enough!
I absolutely HATE not knowing what is next. I am probably one of the most unorganized and scatter minded people you will meet...but I thrive on a plan.
I feel out of control and unstructured. Just the thought of not being in control of my day-my week-my life.... makes me want to rock in a corner and sing "In The Arms Of An Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan.
What's worse!? I fear I have passed this trait to my eight year old son. I guess it's genetic...
This is my 8th year attending The Orange Conference. If you are a teacher, pastor, leader, parent or just plain like kids, I can not tell you how much you would benefit from this event. I mean it. I have attended with a group, by myself, 8 months pregnant, and as a volunteer- no excuse keeps me from Atalanta in April. You will NOT regret it!
If you would like to go but don't know how to make it work financially-contact me in the comments and I will help you figure you something out.
As my kids are getting older, I am starting to notice the difference in raising your kids in a large city and a small town.
I was raised in a small town and am now raising my children in a big city.
I grew up in the same town with both sets of grandparents, many of my aunts, uncles, and cousins who were really just extra siblings. My parents met in 2nd grade and were High School sweethearts. My friend's parents all grew up with my parents. During my school days, I had teachers that were my parent's teachers, some of my teachers went to church with my grandma and some of them attended the church my family attended.
Your worlds collide a lot when you live in a small town.
I knew every single person in my graduating class of 185 ish. I grew up with them. Kindergarten- 12th grade. I have memories of almost all of them, be it through the classroom, church, cheerleading, choir, or any other activity I was involved in. We were all together-all the time.
When you live in a small town, it is rare to not run into someone you know and there is an unspoken pressure to "keep your nose clean."
There is an old proverb about living in a small town that goes:
"You can not fart without the whole town smelling it." -Unknown
Wow, such wisdom.
When you grow up in a small town, everything is a big deal! Senior Night, High School Graduation Open Houses, Prom, Wedding Showers, Weddings, and Baby Showers are comparable to The Emmy's or The Governor's Ball.
Dresses are fancier, hair is bigger, cars are newer, and you just better keep up.
At a young age, it is known that you are to be involved in everything. Gymnastics, cheerleading, dance, soccer, t-ball, little league, swimming, and whatever else on the planet that there is to offer.
Parents are more tempted to compete with other parents to win the title of "My Kid is Better Than Your Kid Award," or, perhaps, try to accomplish the things they didn't get a chance to accomplish in their own childhood and use their children as opportunities to do so.
(For the record: This is a blanket temptation for any parent wherever you live-it is just more visible when you live in a small town. Everyone is watching!)
On the other hand, raising our kids in a big city has been an adjustment as well. Nobody knows who you are and you don't know who they are. There is no pressure to ever put make up on or get involved in anything because nobody knows you exist.
Your kids will get invited to spend time with a friend from school and you will have no idea who the child is or who their parents are.
It's scarier to live in a big city. People get murdered more... like 100% more. Kids are not safe to stand at the bus stop alone and it is tempting not to let your kids leave the house for any reason in order to ensure their safety.
Dances, sports, and any other extra curricular activity is more expensive and there is no real pressure to attach your identity to what you do after school. Popular kids are not always athletes or even the best looking kid in school. In fact, popularity is not the same thing in a large city school as it is in a small town school.
Big city kids are happy to have a few friends because it is impossible to know everyone in your class.
Parents aren't competing with each other on a school level but rather, they compete with themselves and their idea of what perfection looks like.
You can probably see that there are benefits to growing up in either scenarios. I love my little town and all the personalities that make up that home sweet home community that I call mine. I am who I am today because of the small town culture where I was raised AND something that I have learned through this big city living is that it is less important WHAT we are involved in and more important WHO we become.
Parents, whether you are raising your kids in a small town or a big city, always we keep WHO you are raising more important that WHAT they are involved in.
IF: Gathering exists to gather, equip, and train a generation.
Numbers 13 Joshua 12 spies...
We {kind of} believe that God can use us for a purpose
...but there are Giants!
We {kind of} feel like a grasshopper.
We are grasshoppers and there ARE Giants ....
But-God!
We will lay down our grasshopper insecurities because..YOU.(God)
I don't want to be a generation that missed it.
Go fight the Giants! Take the land!
EVEN IF we don't think we can!
IF: Gathering Question
What could you God do in YOUR land for YOUR ppl?
{make a list}
Cute Quote: We all think we are going to be janitors in Heaven
Mark Batterson Catalyst 2014: Labs
Book: Grave Robber We trust God for the BIG miracles We need to trust him in the "little" ones.
We all want miracles-we just don't want a reason for one.
Thomas Jefferson cut out the miracles in the Bible....
What promises have you stopped believing?
How much better would you be if you would believe in a God who is bigger than your box?
Don't seek miracles Seek Jesus
Never put a comma where God puts a period. Never put a period where God puts a comma.
God can't bring back to life what is not dead.
Sometimes it looks like God is missing the mark bc we are too short sided of what what he is aiming for.
Maybe God is preparing you for something you haven't thought of.
Ie the Story of Lazarus.
Allow moments and space for God to show up.
Don't give up on something unless God releases you.
Exodus: Stand still and you will See the deliverance of the Lord
Don't Panic
If one thing doesn't die another thing can't come to life.
Be willing to look foolish Take the risk!
Work like it depends on you Pray like it depends on God
Andy Stanley Catalyst 2014: Session 1
Q: who are you? Q: what breaks your heart?
There is a correlation between leadership and change.
Great leaders make things better. Status Quo drives leaders crazy!!!!!...
-leaders hate to see broken things continue.
Leaders don't blame.
Blame is the most effective change avoidance strategy.
Broken hearted leaders change things that go beyond their generation.
The thing that breaks your heart may be THE THING that God wants to do through you.
It is possible that what breaks yor heart is Devine Design
You have NO idea who/what hangs in the balance of your decision to embrace the burden on your heart.
Don't Fear! Don't choose "purposeless" over fear. Ie: don't think that you are not good enough to do whatever it is
Many years from now- what would you like for people to thank you for?
What God originates, God orchestrates.
HOW is not an issue
Who are you? What breaks your heart?
Christine Caine Catalyst 2014: Session 2
Change Yourself: Strengthen your core.
Love the Lord Your God with all your (core) heart, mind, and soul. Love your neighbor as yourself.
We love others as we love ourselves-we just don't love ourselves that much.
You do what you WANT in passion.... You do what you HAVE to out of obligation.
Skinny jeans and a ratio does not make you a leader.
Don't go from burn out to burn out fill yourself with Jesus.
Soul:
Our souls are damaged and it takes hard work to heal them.
We can't accelerate what takes work.
Ex. You may decide to follow Jesus and walk down the aisle to alter with cellulite on your legs but after you say amen, doesn't mean the cellulite will be gone!
You have to do the work.
We must go through the pain of recovery
We put on a good show. (How you clean your house for guests. You hide the mess)
Same with our souls.
Same with church. (Oh snap)
Mind. Take control of your thoughts. Fill them with the truth of God.
God has not given us a spirit of fear
Cancer is not terminal Life is! Christ is Eternal!!
If you see the devil tell him I'm Going to bed bc God's got this!
I come from a long line of women who love the challenge of putting puzzles together. My grandma LOVES the challenge of a puzzle. My mom and my sister also enjoy putting together puzzles.
(Fun Fact: My sister even whistles while she puts a puzzle together.)
Somehow, this puzzle gene has skipped me. I have never had the patience for it.
They can do this for hours....HOURS! Not me, I say, pass me something less quiet, a bag of chips and something with an "easy button!"
I hate challenges and waiting.
A few days ago, my daughter was putting together a puzzle and as I was desperately trying to stay in the moment with her and focus on finding the piece that had Doc McStuffin's ponytail-I had a life revelation!
Maybe life is kind of like a puzzle?
I can remember the summer before I moved away for college, thinking about who I wanted to become. It was a fresh start for me, I wasn't carrying around anyone else's expectations or misconceptions of me anymore! Nobody knew this small town girl! Nobody knew who my parents were, or who my grandparents were. Nobody on that Indiana campus knew what I did in High School or who I went to Prom with.
In fact, I am pretty sure that they could have cared less.
Nobody had expectations for me.
At the age of 19, I had a golden opportunity to recreate myself. Up until then, my parents had helped me put those big life pieces of my life's puzzle in place.
The new sense of freedom was overwhelming. My parents were no longer watching over me and expecting me back home at a decent hour. Teachers did not hold me accountable for going to class or doing my homework and it was now my responsibility to make major life decisions for myself.
It was my turn to put the pieces of my life together all by myself.
Part of me loved the independence! The other part of me was paralyzed and I had no idea where to begin.
Just like starting a puzzle, It's hard to know where to begin!
It wasn't that I was scared, it was that the weight of each decision I made was going to be a pivotal piece of the "Adult Leslie Size" puzzle that I was trying to put together. It felt like each move had a specific place and shape.
The lessons I have learned have shaped me.
The lessons continue to shape me.
Something that I hope I always keep in mind is that this puzzle isn't finished. God created the puzzle, then handed us all the pieces to go through life putting them in just the right place.
Just like a puzzle, some shapes are easy to place and others are difficult.
We can't give up because it gets too hard or too tricky, but instead, we can ask for help! Help from those around us who love us, we can pray and trust that we are not alone-that God is never surprised by our difficulties in finding where each piece of the puzzle fits. Why? Because God knows what the end picture looks like.
That's the beauty of the puzzle.
Puzzles are less difficult when done TOGETHER!
We teach the kids that DETERMINATION is deciding it is worth it to finish what you started.
God gave us this great puzzle called life and at the end of it, hopefully we stand back and say, "It's done! .....and it was worth it!"
Each shape represents our victories and our defeats-but in the end the bigger picture will be clear.
Life is not about knowing all the answers, but rather, its about the discovery of the right fit for each piece of the puzzle.
Deep Thought Question:
At the end of your life, what will your life's picture reveal? What are some of the pieces of your puzzle that are already in place? I wonder what pieces are still waiting to fit?
Have you ever noticed that if you pick up a handful of sand and squeeze it really tight it just pours right out? HOWEVER! If you scoop up the sand and cup it in your opened hand-it stays...
(...and yes, in my picture, it is sugar. I live in Indiana, people! Who do you think I am? Jimmy Buffett? ) Anyway. I think the same goes for the people in our life. If we try to hold on too tight, they can slip away. Our intentions are to protect the ones we love by being over protective, and maybe a little over possessive, because we love them so much and don't want to lose them.
The truth is, nobody wants to be smothered or controlled and what we truly fear, ends up happening as our loved ones flee from our tight grip.
We want to be in relationships with people who trust us and give us the freedom to fly and support us even when we strike out. When we give the people in our lives the freedom to fly, they will feel respected and valued and they will return to us again and again and again.
This is not a revolutionary thought, but paints a very accurate picture of what it means to "catch and release." We all can think relationships in our lives where we might have held on too tightly. We did so out of fear, but lost in the long run. Maybe it was with a friend, a child, a parent, a sibling, or a spouse...our intentions were pure, but we held on too tight out of fear. Fear of losing them, fear of NOT being in control of them and pushed them away.
Dr. Phil says: "what we fear, we create."
I think he is right.
The things that we usually fear most in our lives end up coming true because we are so busy focusing on the fear-than actually enjoying the time we have.
We all want to be loved but we also want freedom to grow and to breath. Maybe it's time we let go. Maybe we need to open up our hands and let the people in our lives take a breath! Trust them! Trust God. Let's practice!
I have grown up watching The Today Show. I remember Jane Pauley, Bryant Gumble, Matt Lauer, Katie Couric, Ann Curry, Willard Scott, Al Roker, and the whole he-haw gang that have followed.
Over the last year, I have been watching how The Today Show has been transforming how they do the news. It is my understanding that ratings have been down and they are trying some new approaches to grow their audience.
I have noticed these 3 things.
1. ENVIRONMENT. They changed the entire set- what use to be a more library feel,is now a modern and colorful stage, with several elements. The big window, where fans stand out and wave at people back home. The new "Orange Room" that is made especially to catch up on social media buzz with one time time host of MTV's TRL (Total Request Live) Carson Daly.
2. AUTHENTICITY/CONNECTION. The broadcasters engage with each other, with the viewing audience, and with the crowd outside differently than they have in the past. I have noticed that everyone seems to be less uptight and rehearsed. Each person on the show seems to have a refreshing authenticity about them. Each, having their own personality and style. They seem like real life people instead of robotic talking heads. They laugh! They are willing to do things that they aren't comfortable doing- they talk about their personal lives such as weddings, marriage, parenting, pregnancy, childhood memories, personal experiences that we, the viewer can relate with!
I trust them more knowing that they are everyday people like you and I.
3. FIRST IMPRESSION. Listen, as I type this, I am wearing a sweatshirt that has survived at least 2 of my pregnancies. Its old, stretched out and ugly. I have no reason to judge how anyone dresses, but I can tell you that, I will connect to someone wearing fashionable trendy clothing over someone wearing a suit.
Every single time.
As church leaders of the next generation, there is something that we can learn from watching how The Today Show is rebranding. They are trying to reach a new generation. They see that our generation has razor sharp "fake indicators." We are craving authenticity. We want to learn and grow from hearing other's stories. We want to know that we are all just people and none of us actually know what we are doing.
Researchers show that somewhere between 60-80% of my generation has left the church.
I believe it.
....and I love the church.
We/they left because we/they are sick and tired of legalism and fake people. This generation sees that the church is swarming with those kind of people.
The church is losing their audience.
But, hey! I think there is good news! Aren't WE the church? The church isn't a building-the church is people!
Buildings can't make changes and pick up their crosses and carry it with them daily! Buildings can't be the hands and feet of Jesus...but people can!
Can we make church a place where un churched people like to come to?
Is it worth it? (the answer is yes.)
It is not about our personal preference. It's about our hands and feet reaching out to those who haven't heard, haven't seen, haven't tasted the good news of Jesus!
To those of us who are already followers of Jesus: it's our responsibility to grow OURSELVES. Jesus didn't say "Hey, those of you that are in this with me, all you need to do is go to church on Sunday, sing songs that you prefer, drink coffee, eat cookies, dress up and only hang out with other Christians. It will be like a fun social club! Oh! ...and make people who don't believe in me, feel really uncomfortable when they visit your church. Your only job is to be comfortable until you die."
Instead he said GO! GO tell people! He even showed us how! Jesus never sat around and waited for people to come to him, Jesus went to them! Jesus knew that people connect best with stories and so he told them RELEVANT stories that they could relate to.
If He were here today, I believe Jesus would take a look around the community that he was in, and figure out the best way to relate to those people-then he would do it.
How do we do that? Well, it's not going to be by the way we did in the past.
(Insert the definition of insanity here.)
I think that we start by removing our preferences and creating a place that is not intimidating and doesn't feel like a funeral home.
Lastly, the one thing I notice the most about The Today Show transformation is that their message is still the same. They are still giving us the news... they have just packaged it differently.
We need to carry the next generation on our shoulders and cheer them on! Make banners that say
"GO do whatever you need to do to tell others about Jesus! We support you!"
There is an age old proverb about self awareness that goes:
We have all known someone that refuses to see their actions as wrong or selfish-at least in the moment. It is as if the world really does revolve around them-it's their world and we are just living in it. I think it is safer to play the victim than be guilty of acting a fool. Being the victim to life's circumstances is like laying on the couch in your sweats, wrapped in a warm blanket, watching football. It's oh so comfortable .....I can almost smell the chilli cookin' on the stove. Speaking of football, Graham Gano, Kicker for the North Carolina Panthers, wanted to show us all what it is it like to be an entitled victim during his warm up time a couple of weeks ago:
(For those of you reading from your phone and can not see this video click HERE )
Thanks, Graham. Got it.
Wonder what Graham was thinking as he took the field to warm up? I know what he was thinking, because I have had similar thoughts in my own life's circumstances:
"They are in my way! I have to warm up! This is MINE! I never get to __________ because _________________. ME! ME! ME! I! I! I!"
His own voice was so loud in his head that he could not see anything else around him. (Or, in his case, he couldn't hear the trombone that was literally playing in his ear.)
I wonder how many times, I have done this in my own life? How many times I have been so fed up with my circumstances, that I could not see what was happening on the field because I was blinded by my own intentions?
How many times have I shoved a trombone player out of my way so that I could, once and for all, have my own well deserved moment on the field?
Chances are, after seeing it played over and over and over on national television, this guy is humiliated. He may never live this one down. Lucky for us, we are not public figures and we do not have to live the agony of late night talk show hosts making fun of our moments of self indulgence and temper tantrums. I have been Graham Gano many, many times in my day and can not promise that I won't again.. but I can promise that I will always try to see my self and how my actions will reflect who I say I am.
Do my actions match my words ..or do they scream: "YOU OWE ME!"
I hope that I can live a life that proves that I am not who I was.
13 years ago TODAY, Adam surprised me, by showing up to the daycare that I was working at, handed a pink rose to every 2 year old in my class and asked me to marry him....
I was 21 and he was 23. Infants.
I have been thinking about the things that every young bride should know about before she gets engaged...especially since my daughters are obsessed with The 19 Kids and Counting, Duggar Daughters and their talk about Courtship and I was obsessed with the recent reality series "Married at First Sight" I decided here has to be a happy medium between all that and what I consider "normal."
Here are just a few (some serious and some sarcastic funny) legit pointers off the top of my head (in no particular order)
1. Stop rushing. Stop it. I mean it... What on earth is your hurry!?!?! Go get an apartment and live by yourself for at least a year! Decorate it as girly as you want! 2. If you have it in your head that your marriage will look like a television show couple, I have a couple of suggestions : * Stop. You are not ready for marriage. I mean this in the kindest way-You are delusional. Go be young! Revisit marriage in a few more years. Those people are fictional characters who have people who literally write the words that come out of their mouths, do their hair and makeup, and you need to spend time in a real life situation.
3. Make a monthly budget, then, each of you write out how you would spend the money-then compare them. -What are the biggest differences in your priorities? Talk amongst yourselves.
4. Move furniture together. My new husband insisted on solving the Pythagorean Theorem to decide if we should move our bed to the corner of the bedroom.
I just blinked. Who was this nerd I traded my last name for?
5. How your guy treats his mother and sister is a good indication of how he will eventually treat you (and your future daughter/s)
Take notice.
6. In general, he should do everything you ask (with enthusiasm).
This will come in handy for pregnancy cravings and monthly sweet/salty needs-mostly.
This also includes (but not limited to)
- diet coke fountain drinks - feminine hygiene products - diapers - baby formula - printer ink - pickles and chips - cake - Starbucks - batteries - peanuts and candy corn - prescription and over the counter meds.
7. Once a week, sit down and compare calendars. It sounds very "business-like" but it's necessary. Practice doing life together. See if your priorities match up.
8. Watch carefully how he interacts with babies and small children! This one is a biggie! It will make or break you in the middle of the night when your newborn has colic or your 2 year old has barfed all over your bed.
It's 2014, people! Dad's should be able to do anything and everything a mom can do!
I know if I dropped dead today, my husband would know exactly what to do with our kids.
Other than fix the girl's hair. He sucks at that.
9. How do they interact with YOUR family?
10. How do they interact with your friends?
11. How do they encourage you to have your own hobbies?
12. What kind of fighter are they?
-passive? -angry? -shut down? -fair?
13. What bad habits do they have that you think will change when you get married?
Stop. Go to counseling right now. 14. Practice talking. Be specific.
Tell him exactly what you mean by details. "Fine" "Yes" "Good" "No" or any other 1 word answers are not good enough.
As a general rule of thumb, most men do not know that when you ask "How was it?" that you are really asking:
-Who was there -What were they wearing -Who looked the best -Who looked the worst -Who said what -Did you see anyone that I know -What did you say -What did they say -Did they talk about me -What did you eat -What did they eat -How were the bathrooms
You know... just stuff like that.
15. Do you generally like to be around them? Like, how is your actual friendship status? I can tell you that this one will make or break you...
There will be a time, sooner than later, when you will look into the eyes of the father of your children and wonder how you could possibly murder him and not get caught...and it will be your friendship that saves him.
That, and the thought of the narrator of SNAPPED telling your story on Oxygen. 16. And finally, before you think that the romance is dead and the "honeymoon" is over...remember:
Romance is changing the gauze from a Csection because your wife can't see over her post pregnancy flab. It's going to Kroger to get sweets at 10pm because she has a sweet tooth. It's jumping in and subbing in any given kids ministry class when your wife is the kids pastor and has no other option. It's never complaining when she needs out of the house and away from the children. It's doing the dishes every night because you know she absolutely hates it. It's never opening your mouth when your wife's side of the room is an explosion of clothes and you wonder if she will ever pick it up. Marriage is straight up hard... you will want to give up... MANY times. Brides magazine will not tell you any of this, because they want you to think that your wedding is just the start of a magical fairy tale life with Prince Charming.
While you are dreaming of all that... might I encourage you to plan harder for the marriage!?
Now go! Be young and naive! None of this pertains to you! You and your new husband WILL be the ones that always have a super clean house, a bank full of money, kids that are born potty trained and never cry. Breakfast will always be in bed, and dishes will never be dirty, while fresh baked pies will always be cooling in your window. Vacations will be endless and you will wake up in the morning with minty fresh breath, a full face of make up and not a hair out of place.
I can remember laying in my bed, in my college apartment, watching as my roommates were getting ready for class when the phone rang and it was my mom telling me that there had been a plane crash into the World Trade Center. The first thing I thought was that it must have been an accident. I imagined something must have gone wrong with the plane!
As I was on the phone, I told my roommates to go turn on our tiny 13 inch television in the living room so that we could watch the news, when a second airplane hit the second tower!
Our country was under an attack.
In that very moment, for the three of us 20 year old girls standing in an apartment in Indiana and for the rest of the entire world,
things would never be the same.
13 years have flashed before our eyes. I look at my children (ages 10,8, and 5) and realize that they do not know a life without terrorism and war. Our kids do not know what it is like to live without Homeland Security.
It's always a humbling feeling to explain to a child what happened on September 11, 2001. I imagine, as a child, it must feel the same way it feels when I hear about President Kennedy being assassinated, I wasn't born, but the people who were, remember exactly where they were and what they were doing.
We can't understand the logistics.
Why are we hated so much?
In the eyes of a child, it's even harder to imagine the hatred that is aimed toward us.
"Maybe, if they knew our family, maybe they would like America!?" said one of my kids.
The answer is, we don't know why the hatred for us has boiled over for them!
What we can know is that our God is bigger than terrorism, bigger than war, bigger than hate, bigger than violence and threats.
We can trust that God is compassionate and grieves with us. God is a peaceful God and a God that comforts.
We can have faith, we can have hope and we can have love... and I think that they are stronger than any terrorist group. As parents, we don't have to have the answers, when we can point our children to God and direct their hearts to a trusting relationship with Him!
"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love." 1 Corinthians 13:12-13 The Message Version
In a couple of weeks, my High School Cheerleading Squad will be holding an Alumni Fundraiser and they are asking that all past cheerleaders send in pictures and memories of when they were cheered.
As I was collecting old pictures from my cheerleading days, my heart was filled with great memories. I was reminded of the Brad Paisley song called "Letter to Me" and I thought it might be fun to write a letter to me...at seventeen.
Letter to Me (The Leslie Edition) Um. First of all, you are not fat or ugly. Stop it, stop it right now! You have nothing to prove to anyone at all. Why should you!? YOU ARE 17!!!!! Do you realize how stinkin' easy your life is right now? Your parents pay for everything! You have a job and spend your pay check on hair products and cute tops!
Please do me a huge favor and just laugh and be a kid-I will thank you later. Dang! Aren't all those Rowan County boys cute!? You sure will kiss a lot of those sweet faces but... they aren't the one. You won't meet "him" til college. 17 year old boys are super cute but their attention doesn't determine your worth....although.. I understand that it does help sometimes. Stop focusing on it so much.
(ps: Between you and me- they all grow up, lose their hair and gain weight...and so do you. Looks are nowhere near important.)
Go learn to play an instrument-maybe something fancy like the cello. Read more books-and might I suggest books on tape-it really helps with our comprehension issue.
Take initiative with your school work. Look, we know we aren't rocket scientists and that is not the point. Talk to your teachers-they are not scary! They are actually real life human beings that like you and want you to succeed. Go talk to them! Ask for help-they crave it! Get this-they once had a burning passion in their hearts for students to ask for their help... they are tired and often wonder what they were thinking when they wanted to be a teacher... restore their hope and ask for help!
Oh my gosh, Leslie.....this is a big one! You won't believe it until you see it... the internet.
I just. I can't explain it... just be ready.
Write this one down: Nothing that you do in High School to be popular makes one lick of difference the exact minute you walk across the stage with your diploma. You will never-ever, not once, see anyone wearing their High School letter-man jacket to college. Like, for real.
Practice playing second fiddle. This is a life lesson we may never learn, but try to give others all the credit! Help others. Just help them. Smile and say hi to people you don't know. Invite people that you don't know to sit with you at lunch and stick up for those who are being picked on. You may think that by not saying anything-you are innocent..but your silence makes you just as guilty.
Do not get wrapped up in drama. It's stupid and embarrassing. Don't.
Hug Holley Russell-tight.
Verbally say thank you to Tammy Nielson, Matt and Heather Bays, Eddie Lundergan, Kris Alderman, Roberta Early, and Alice Payton-- what they have done for you, has made a difference. You are becoming a better person because of their influence.
Spend more time with your siblings. Invite them into your life-show them what being a teenager looks like and give them advice! They are watching you and even if she refuses to do anything you say, your sister is actually listening...she is just strong willed. Keep laughing at your brother...he is slightly irritating but...get this.. you name your son after him and he turns out just like him!
Lastly, mom and dad are uber strict for a reason. Yeah- it's not cool but it's not supposed to be. Let's face it, we are in bed at dark-what do we need a curfew for anyway!? Listen to everything mom and dad say -it's okay to roll your eyes, they don't expect you to agree..the most hilarious thing about it is, in a matter of years, your mouth will open and everything they said will come out !
You are doing great-you have great friends and wonderful people around you. They are shaping you! The awesome news is...I have been to the future...and I can tell you, your best days are ahead of you!
As I have grown up, I have wanted to be known for so many different things, these are just a few that have evolved in my heart over the last 20 years:
A cheerleader.. Pretty... Thin.. Popular... Graduate... College Student... Dating.. Bride.. Married... Pregnant... Mom.... Pastor.. Leader... Helper.. Writer... Creative.. Smart... Successful.. Jesus Follower..
We all want to be best known for something we have done or can do! In this chapter, Jen writes about how putting the action into what God is calling you to do, often means losing our ego in service to someone or a whole host of people.
On page 204 she writes:
I don't want to be known for a great brand.
I don't want to be admired for a great campus.
I don't want to be recognized for a great marketing campaign.
I don't want to be praised for great programming.
I don't want to be applauded for great theology and scholarship.
I want the church to be great because we fed hungry mommas and their babies. I'd like to be great becayse we battled poverty with not just our money but our hands and hearts. I desire the greatness that cones from seeking only mercy but justice for those caught in a system with trapdoors. I hope to be part of a freat movement of the Holy Spirit, who injects supernatural wind and fire into His mission.
My version of great will come with others scratching their heads and saying: "Wow, you live a really different life."
For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest. Luke 9:48
I think that we all talk a pretty fantastic game, we all want to lose ourselves in service to others! I truly believe that it is in all of us, to want to help one another.
It's not always easy to serve others, when it might mean that we, oursleves have to sacrifice something to do so.
Maybe it's money? Maybe it's our title? Maybe it is recognition?
Those are my three.
I don't like the idea that I would work my tail off on something and not get anything in return.
I am not proud of that-and I almost deleted that entire sentence.
....but its true.
I am claiming it.
God calls us to serve- not to serve and be praised!
My ego needs to take a big fat hike.
How About YOU? What is it for you? What keeps you from a life of serving and not being served?
