Life's Shift.

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” T.S. Eliot

Just as any "blind curve" I never anticipated what was around the corner for me this time last year.  It has been one of those spaces in life that feels like it has lasted an eternity or gone lightning fast, or often feeling as if  it never happened at all.

Without going into detail-I  would describe my life this time last year as doing a 180 in every aspect, over night.

It's in times like these that you hear some of the cliche "go-to" responses from people.  "Everything happens for a reason."  "God has something better for you."  "No, those skinny jeans don't make your butt look big."

I spent a good chunk of the last year giving God a gigantic-over dramatic eye roll.  Just like any "know it all" daughter does with her parents, when they try to tell her that they really do know what is best for her. That was me.

The truth is, it has been one of the darkest and loneliest times in my life.

Sure!  I have lots of  "light reflectors" in my life that kept pointing me in the right direction- but when you feel like you have had the rug pulled out in front of you-sometimes you just want to feel sorry for yourself.

You know when it rains and it is just beating you in the face and your face gets all squished up? That is how I have felt the last year or so.   It was almost as if a gray cloud followed me around and the Saturday Night Live character "Debbie Downer" said "Wha-wha" after all of my sentences.

In sports, they would call this last year a "rebuilding" year. The bank would call it a foreclosure.  A bankruptcy. Teenagers would refer to this season as an "epic fail."

Recently, I was sitting outside on a beautiful spring day.  The sun was shining, the flowers were blooming, birds were chirping-life was being blown into everything around me. As I sat, I was distracted by the wind blowing.  As cheesy as this sounds, it was as if God ordered that wind just for me, to get my attention!  As if there had been a terrible storm and when it was over he whispered "It's over. The bad part is over-it's safe now!" 

I just sat there, as the wind blew, and let God "speak" assuring me...to be myself...to make friends, to trust, to lead, to laugh and be happy!

God used those people who love me the most to shine light on the path when I couldn't see.  When I was down and felt sorry for myself, they didn't give up.  They were God's hands and feet and taught me about grace and unconditional love. They never turned their back on me-they love me through the dark part! They were my own special fireflies.

I am so thankful for the shift.  No more looking back for I am not going that way!

                    He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”

Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5