Wake Up Dead

Anthrax. Swine Flu. Rheumatoid Arthritis. Salmonella poisoning. Terminal Brain Cancer. Mono. Melanoma.  ADHD.  SARS.

These are just some of the diseases I was once sure that I had contracted.

I also related with Dorothy Zbornak (played by Bea Arthur) in the episode of The Golden Girls when she was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue syndrome.

I was 9 years old.


Today I woke up with a cough and instantly worried  it could be Ebola.

Sometimes, before I go to sleep I will rattle off a list of symptoms that I am experiencing to Adam, just in case I wake up dead.

Yes. I have a Sick Problem.

I wonder why we tend to assume the worst case scenario? Maybe you are like me and as soon as you sneeze you assume you are dying. Maybe it's with your relationships-if a friend hasn't called you in 2 days, they must hate you and be quietly plotting your death.  Maybe it's with your circumstances-if you are in a "slump" you assume you will always be in a slump.


Why does believing the best case scenario seem so scary?

I think it's because it makes us vulnerable.

I don't know about you, but I certainly do not like to look stupid.

I don't think any of us do!!!

Is there a balance between being vulnerable and believing the best and being realistic and setting boundaries?

I think so!

I think we should trust until we are proven otherwise and then adjust our sails accordingly.

Let's stop living our life in fear and instead live a life that is based on hope and realistic expectations!

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go "webmd" symptoms of anxiety. #wink

Pitts Off!

When I was a kid there was this segment  on a AM  radio station hosted by an older redneck-oppionated type of guy named "Earl Pitts." (He referred to himself as a native-American redneck) Earl Pitts would spend 15-20 minutes on a rant on the topic of something that "made him sick" about today's society.  In fact, he always started his rant with


"You know what makes me sick!? You know what makes me so angry!?

....and then on with whatever he wanted to say that day.

It's funny, as I get older, I find myself turning into Ol' Earl.

Stuff is starting to make me sick and angry! So I thought that occasionally I would write an "Earl Pitts"  post.  You will know it an Earl Pitts post because I will start it with

"You know what makes me sick!?"

So....



You know what makes me sick!? You know what makes me so angry!?

Grown ups who don't grow up.... and do not have to.

I look around and see so many of my peers living the high life! They go on lavish vacations, buy their children designer tennis shoes every other month, drive the newest mini van, go to Disney like its the local city park, dine at fine restaurants, live in the most high end neighborhoods, and own the most recent and up to date tech toys.


Sure! You could say "Leslie, you sound jealous!"

And I'd say... Yes you are kind of right! Here's the deal, I have this ridiculous idea that if you get to live the high life and have the finer things in life.. Your parents should not be paying your bills.

If we are actually grown ups, shouldn't we pay for our own stuff?!

I don't mean use your money to buy the fun stuff and then ask your parents to fund the major life necessities like: groceries, bills, mortgage and to financially provide for your
children's extra curricular activities.

Here's what I'm trying to say:

If you can't afford groceries and rent....then  you probably should reconsider the trip to Mauii.

Yes! I want justice!

I want everyone to pay their bills and leave their parents alone! ......and I want parents of adult children to stop enabling their behavior!!!!!!

I don't want anyone to be labeled as a "failure to launch."


If I don't get to go on vacations and drive the latest and greatest Honda mini van because I'm busy paying my bills and living within my paycheck, then it's not my parents responsibility to make sure that happens!
Just because we can't actually see the money on our credit cards that we are maxing out right and left does not mean that it's not there-piling up and making us its slave!


People! Let's live within our means!!! We are not 15 years old anymore!!!!!!!


Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself

"who am I fooling?"


The answer is: you.


***Disclaimer: 

Yes. Sometimes life happens and we just plain need help from our parents. You should ask for help-the difference in you and those who I am talking about is your attitude.

Do you take it and work hard to get back on track or do you take it like its owed to you?

There is a difference in gratefulness and entitlement.

Also, if you have the money in the bank to live a "finer things life" then great!!! You have earned it! You have done the hard work and your are now reaping the benefits!!! Good for you!  Also there is nothing wrong with your parents buying you things... That's called a gift.

I'm just talking about those who neglect their responsibilities (bills) to keep up with a pretend life that only makes themselves  look foolish.

It's like their very fear of how they are perceived by others, is made worse by their desperate attempt to impress.

What you fear. You create.

Stop it.

We Broke Up.

"Yeah, I think it's pretty clear.  I ain't no size 2."

I love bread.


All of it.


Pizza, rolls, cake, brownies, cookies, bread, bread sticks, cheese sticks, cereal, noodles, muffins, bagels, scones, biscuits, and crackers.  I would personally prefer bread over a traditional birthday cake.


Infact, just like a can of biscuits, if you were to open me up, a heap of dough would ooze out.

I have never been addicted to things like drugs, tobacco, alcohol, or anything close to being on that TLC show "My Strange Addiction."

..I have no interest in running a hair dryer while I sleep, or eating lent or laundry soap, or be in an intimate relationship with my car.



I just want to eat bread.


Complex Carbohydrates comfort me.  When I am stressed or sad carbs have always been there for me. A true constant in this ever changing world.


4 days ago, I had to end my relationship with my love affair with my life long friend, bread.

You see, I have struggled with my weight since I was young.


I like to blame bread.  But it wasn't bread, it is me.

Bread didn't make me fat.  My laziness and obsession  with how comforting bread is to my soul, is what made me fat.


So I broke up with bread.  

I am 4 days into my detox and though I feel like I am starving and craving more food, I also feel better.  Like my insides feel better.  

I hate that I have to admit that.

I hate hearing people who are active and eat "clean" say:  "Oh I feel so  much better..."

Listen. Let me tell you something.
 If the warm buttery goodness of a delicious dinner roll doesn't make you feel good about your life, then you are eating the wrong buttered rolls.

The truth, at least for me, is that I need to stop literally stuffing my emotions with Papa John's and face it-what ever it is.

So me and bread are on a break.

I have hopes that we can reconcile and be in a healthy relationship with each other again...but for now.. it's time to choose health.

(and I hate it.  I hate being a grown up-but I want to be a grown up a little longer.. I still have a lot to do.)

Until then, Ill be here, doing the hard work-starving.

Stay tuned.


currently listening to: ALL ABOUT THAT BASS

Restless Heart Syndrome

When I was pregnant with Cassity, I began experiencing a feeling as if my legs were trapped.  As it turned out, I was experiencing Restless Leg Syndrome . 

The only way I can explain it is when I was a kid and taking gymnastics, there was this "pit" of foam blocks that we could jump into for fun.  Once, I got trapped.  The pit was probably 6 feet deep and filled to the rim with foam and some how my legs got trapped so far down that I couldn't move.

I can remember feeling panicked and trapped.  It really felt like the walls were beginning to cave in on me.  If I could just move my legs I would be fine!

Back then, my RLS ususally came out of nowhere-but when it came, it usually came while I was in the car.

I can remember riding home one night from Adam's parents and making him pull over so that I could get out and pace until the trapped feeling that I was experiencing was gone.

Now a days, I experience RLS when I am the most tired and lay down to go to bed. 

I know, it makes no sense.

So I get up and pace back and forth and it goes away, and back to bed I go.

In the last few years, it has felt like I have had restless heart syndrome.

God has planted this unrest in my heart and has given me very little guidance outside of it.  I am antsy to get to work.  I want to do every thing.  I want to volunteer in every thing.  I want start programs and new ministries and dream about what could be.  I do not want to be a generation that missed it's opportunity!

I am restless.

I feel trapped by my circumstances.

I try to pace.  I try to stay busy and I also try to rest.  I try to tell myself that maybe if I would just be still, that God would reveal to me what this is all about.

My heart seems steady but the direction seems blurry.

I am trying to keep my hands open with a posture of trust...I don't need to be in charge. (At least that is what I am telling myself.)

I know that God has called me to something.. I just don't see it yet.

So I wait.

Do you ever have those times in your life?  When you just don't know what God is going to do with you? 

How do you wait?  I'd love to hear from you!

Currently Listening to: We are

Christmas in OCTOBER: Give Back

I am always trying to think of creative and meaningful gifts to give friends and teachers.  Here are some of my favorites!

T.A.P.P.
Tumaini Aids Prevention Program
Facebook
Etsy Shop












Daydream Necklace Charity: Silver Lining Cloud


Chains of Grace (on Etsy)




These guys live in my community.  Over the summer, their mother was killed tragically in a domestic violence incident that ended in a murder/suicide.  It is heartbreaking.  In an instant, these boys were orphans and their sweet Aunt Colleen and her husband are in the process of moving here from St. Louis and adopting them!  Colleen has a printing business, and to honor her sister Shannon, she has made a shirt for purchase that proceeds will go to Shannon's sons future.

I understand the love of a sister and my heart is warmed by how much good is cooing from this devastating situation.

Mama Said Tees
Shannon Smiles



I love gifts that give back, it is a beautiful thought that the proceeds of our gifts go to good and noble cause.



Currently Listening to: Grown Up Christmas List