Step by Step

Our youngest daughter is in 1st grade and has been working on "First, Then, Next, Last" in school.  We like to quiz each other about how to do things around the house just to see how well she has caught on to the concept!

What I have learned is that it is not my daughter who needs help with this concept-but it's actually me who has no idea what to do first, then, next, and last in the correct order.

I am not alone! I see this all the time in the lives of my friends.

Maybe that is why I feel so normal!?

While it is true, that we can't predict every thing that will happen to us-we can make sure we have a pretty decent plan in place to make sure we are at least moving in the right direction.

I have been counting the chickens before they hatch for years!  I blame it on my emotional decision making and capacity to day dream.

Our generation is known for expecting things to happen out of order.

The Waiting

I absolutely HATE not knowing what is next.  I am probably one of the most unorganized and scatter minded people you will meet...but I thrive on a plan.

I feel out of control and unstructured.  Just the thought of not being in control of my day-my week-my life.... makes me want to rock in a corner and sing "In The Arms Of An Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan.

What's worse!?  I fear I have passed this trait to my  eight year old son.  I guess it's genetic...

Failure to Launch

A few years ago a movie came out with Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker  called "Failure to Launch."  Basically, McConaughey's character was a 35 year old man still living at his parents home and sleeping in the same bed as he did when he was 6 years old.

Failure to Launch.

As parents our end goal is the launch. The day we drop them off at college...or whatever direction the choose their lift off...

No-that does not make it easy OR unemotional...but, LAUNCHING is still the goal.

Does it show?

One year, for my Birthday, my parents came to town and we went to dinner at Buca di Beppo. As we were waiting on our meal, I commented that the interior decor of the restaurant reminded me of what the inside of my sister's head must look like!  (My sister is a very fun loving, exciting, bright and colorful girl, who loves a crowd and has an affinity for bright shiny objects!) We all laughed and enjoyed the rest of our time there!

If your brain were a room, what would the interior design layout look like? 

I don't know about you, but when my life is crazy, so is my house!  You can tell the kind of  day/week/month/year  that I am having by walking in my front door.

 Hear me out!

I do not need to be on the next episode of "Hoarders: Buried Alive," but I if there were a show about clutter and nothing really having a place, then I could probably occupy a 30 minute episode!

I believe this is probably true for all of us.  Sure, some of us are probably better at hiding it than others, maybe you do the exact opposite as me. Maybe when your life seems "crazy," your house is spotless, seeing housework as something you can actually control!

Those of you clean-organizing types are like aliens to me.  I believe that secretly, somewhere in your home you have a messy drawer, closet, basement, or cabinet that nobody knows about!

Those of you who are fans of the show "FRIENDS" will remember that even the neurotic, clean freak
Monica Geller had a crazy closet that she kept locked and wouldn't let anyone see.

Maybe you think, "I can't control all the chaos in my life, but I can control my house," and so that is how you  can best cope!

I have been there too! ....ish.
(You would be amazed at what giving me an hour with a container of Clorox Wipes would do for a kitchen on a stressful day!)

My husband says I need to do what he does and have "file folders" in my mind.  Just like with any file cabinet, I would be able to keep my thoughts,emotions and anything else I feel like I need to "manage" in order, by prioritizing each one in a nice and neat system.  It's easy for him.

(I picture the inside of his mind to look like one of those sparkly clean rooms in a 

"Mr. Clean" commercial.)

I am someone who will start my car and spend the next 5 minutes digging in my purse, looking for my keys.  I do most things on auto-pilot because I live my life in worrying I need to do next, rather than being in the moment and being deliberate.  Chaos paralyzes me and makes it difficult for me to know what to do first.

I need to find a way to push through my natural tendency to daydream and easily distracted by the "bright and shiny" of the world and create a system in which I can focus long enough to put things back where they belong-and not just set it somewhere-never to be seen again.

This is not to say that how you or I run our homes are right or wrong, but more a practice in doing things that are more purposeful.

I am tired of reacting to chaos in my cluttered life and desire to slow my brain down and be more intentional and calculated in my day to day things.  As much as I would love it, I am not going to wake up tomorrow and be as domestic as Martha Stewart!  It is going to take effort on my part-not just one day but every day. 

Dang.

Orange Conference 2015

The Orange Conference 2014: Highlights from Orange on Vimeo.


This is my 8th year attending The Orange Conference.  If you are a teacher, pastor, leader, parent or just plain like kids, I can not tell you how much you would benefit from this event.  I mean it.  I have attended with a group, by myself, 8 months pregnant, and as a volunteer- no excuse keeps me from Atalanta in April.  You will NOT regret it!

If you would like to go but don't know how to make it work financially-contact me in the comments and I will help you figure you something out.

What is Orange?

Our Nesting Place

So I have started reading a  decorating book 

by Myquillyn Smith aka "The Nester" called The Nesting Place.

What you should first know is that I love looking at houses and admiring home decor what you should also know is that I know nothing about decorating a home.  

I stroll through Target, Home Goods, Pottery Barn, and Hobby Lobby admiring all the cute home nicknacks and am also paralyzed by them at the same time.

I don't understand the concepts of decorating. The way things should be position, the colors that should be paired together, or how to choose the right paint for the size of room.

I am not a risk taker-at least when it comes to home decor.

I play it safe in various tones of beige.  My philosophy is that if I keep my walls in the beige family, then I can change up my furniture without having to repaint.

I am sure those of you who are decorators are appalled by that concept.   You are probably thinking, "The fun is in the paint color!!"

Take a Seat, Virginia!

Question: what would you call a book-a memoir really, based on your life?  I have been thinking about this for a while.

Most of them are titles or lyrics of Top 40 Hits...

Shake It Off: A Story of One Mom's Hunt For a Clean Towel

All About That Base: My Life As A Cheerleader

Hide And Watch: A Mom's Courage to Leave the House Wearing That

Smoother Than a Fresh Jar of Jiffy: Tales of the Lunchbox 

Heartbeat Song: A  Mother's Sonnet of Anxiety

An Open Letter To My Son

Dear Jared,

I wrote a letter to your sisters about what I hope for them as they grow up and thought it was only fair that I write you one too..

When you were six, you decided that you were going to be baptized. I wasn't sure that you were ready or that you knew what it all meant so  I asked you what you thought it would mean to be baptized and you told me that it meant you wouldn't just be Jared anymore but you would be "Jared The Jesus Follower!"  I knew then, that you understood and it is my hope that you spend the rest of your life following Jesus, not because you HAVE to but because you WANT to!

I hope that you always have a tender heart for others and look for ways to be compassionate and generous with your time, talent, and treasure!

The things that you value the very most are like arrows that point to your heart and the kind of person you are.

Open Letter To My Daughters

Dear Cassity and Ryleigh,

I was thinking the other day, that this is the one and only school year that the two of you will be in the same school together.  Time sure does fly! This year is the first year that the three of my kids are all in school and not at home and it seems we are all turning pages in the chapters of our lives!

I wanted to write down some of my hopes for you as you continue to grow and grow and grow...

I hope along the way, that you notice all the people that your dad and I have put in your life ON PURPOSE that point you to God..  seeing that a relationship with Jesus isn't about being forced on you, but because so many people in your life demonstrated God's love to you over the years that you are also inspired to follow Him and be His friend forever. You see, I believe, that God is in the helpers.

Changing Seasons

I am reading a book by one of my most favorite authors Shauna Niequest called

 "Bittersweet: Thoughts on change, grace, and learning the hard way."

It's not a new book.  I have actually had it for several years just sitting on my shelf waiting for me to read it.

The truth is,  I knew what it was about- I started to read it about 4 years ago, and I stopped.  I stopped because it was too personal for me.  It was a painful season in my life and I was wounded and still too  bloody to fully absorb the bandages of healing that Shauna's words could do for my beat up heart.

Today, I think that time has passed and the cracks of my heart have been sealed nicely (with mostly peanut butter) that I can hear what this book had to say to me.

Four years ago I left a job I had been at and it was ugly.

Social Media and Parenting-Yikes!

Alright you guys.

I am about to open a can of worms!





Here is the thing-I NEVER write about anything controversial.  Mostly because I never want to make anyone mad and by not giving my opinion I keep you happy. I am willing to risk your happiness with me for this-at least I think I am.

Social Media and Parenting.

Not too long ago I spoke with our Youth Group about Social Media and how we use it, matters.

For the first time in history of parenting, we are being lead by our children in the topic of technology and social media. We have all seen the commercial with Katie Couric and Bryant Gumble in 1994  hosting the Today Show asking:

"What is the internet?"



It's funny now, but then, it was a mystery! You guys, 21 years ago....the hosts of The Today Show had no idea what the internet was!

Friendship Breakups and Growing Up

I love television-mostly comedies but I am not limited by it.  I love The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, New Girl, The Mindy Project, Parks and Recreation, Meet The Goldbergs, The Blacklist, Dateline, The Ellen Degeneres Show, anything on HGTV, and find Netflix takes my addiction to television to a new level.


One show that I have managed to avoid is The Bachelor, which is odd because of my passion for television but the whole premise always annoyed me.

A few weeks ago, that all changed.  I was busy doing something and The Bachelor was on in the background.  You guys, it was like a train wreck!  I couldn't help but watch.

The drama and the level of absolute INSANITY that these women possess is fascinating.

I guess it isn't surprising considering there are 12ish beautiful women in 1 house trying to win the affection of 1 man.  It is the perfect storm for high drama and high conflict!


POP. THE. CORN.

In Color Part 4

NOCHER, DAHL and HEIDERSHEID, Luxembourg

I will be honest I didn't know how to start this part of the story.  Up until this point of our trip, it had just been our family. We knew we were meeting up with a group of veterans in Luxembourg that were also part of the 80th Division but we did not anticipate how it would change our lives.

We traveld to the small villages of Luxembourg - Heidersheid, Dahl and Nocher - where Papaw fought in the Battle of the Bulge (Ardenne Forest) between December 20, 1944 and January 18, 1945. 

It is here where Papaw fought in frigid sub-zero temperature and deep snow.  Nocher is where Papaw took that piece of shrapnel in his arm, walked over a mile to a FAS (First Aid Station) in the snow with his arm bleeding and leaving a red trail from the spot where he was wounded.

When we got to Luxembourg, were treated to  a special dinner hosted by Burgermeister The Mayor of Goesdorf, Mr.  Norbert  Maes, the elected official for the territory (or 'county') where Nocher and Dahl are located.
It is here where we met the members of CEBA , the Veterans that we nicknamed "The Fab Five" and their families.

CEBA  is an organization dedicated to preserving the memory of the United States military role in liberating the country of Luxembourg


The people of Luxembourg love Americans and are still so appreciative of their liberation from Germany.  Papaw's regiment was instrumental in liberating several towns in Luxembourg.

The plaque that is attached to the monument in Heidersheid.  It is "A Memorial for Valiant Soldiers - the United States 80th Division Infantry" during combat in the Ardennes (Forest) 1944 - 1945, better known as the Battle of the Bulge.

This picture was taken by my parents during their first trip a couple of summers ago.  It's a shot of the countryside near Heidersheid where the 80th Division marched to get into position to take on the Nazi army.  They came up over this terrain and set up on the high ground. Still a couple of miles from where Papaw was wounded.

From 319th Infantry Morning Reports and After Action Reports, we know that Papaw's Company G, which was part of 2nd Batallion, was attached to 3rd Batallion for the "Attack on Nocher" at 0700 hours on the morning of 18 January 1945.


So there we were January 18, 2015, 70 years to the day that Papaw was wounded.  

(Keep in mind that I took this picture about a block from where the closest aide station was.  So the distance in this picture from the electrical pole  in the distance to where I was standing, is about the distance Papaw would need to walk to get help.)

These records were able to pinpoint the spot where Papaw's  unit was involved in the bloody battle that resulted in him being Severely Wounded In Action (SWA). Through the investigation of these records we know that Papaw was wounded in the village of Nocher, Luxembourg. The field above - just West of Nocher, Luxembourg - is the area that the Germans were shelling heavily and where Papaw's Company G was fighting when he was wounded.

According to the written reports, the battle started at 0700 as a surprise attack and wasn't over until 1230.  The field in the above picture is the spot where Papaw's Company was fighting and where he was wounded. 

My dad says that when you read accounts of the battle of Nocher you realize these men (most of them boys) witnessed hell on Earth.  Over 100 American troops were wounded or killed in this battle on the morning of January 18, 1945.

Nearby is the Luxembourg American Cemetery.  Many 319th Infantrymen, all killed in action on January 18, 1945.

This is a picture of me holding a piece of shrapnel like the kind that hit and wounded papaw in his arm.

This is the plaque on the roadside memorial between Dahl and Nocher. 
Note the Blue Ridge Division (nickname for the 80th) insignia on the right hand side.

In addition, CEBA was able to identify the very building that was used as the First Aid Station.  Ironically, they came to know about this from a German soldier (veteran) that had been wounded and surrendered to American troops in Nocher and brought to the aid station to be treated before being processed as a prisoner.  He came back to the area several years ago and vividly remembered the church and the house and the basement where he was treated.  It turned out to be the home of a Priest next door to the church in Dahl, Luxembourg.  We were able to go inside the house and into the basement where the aid station was set up. 

If you know the story, Papaw collapsed when he reached the aid station (due to the loss of blood).

This is my dad from their trip  in 2012, standing in front of the house that was used as the aide station.

This is the house that served as the First Aid Station where Papaw walked to after being wounded.  At the time, it served as a parsonage for the Priest of the church next door.  The basement was where the station was located and the entrance was on the backside.

The church next to the house - the house is no longer a parsonage, but is a private residence with a day care center.

My dad back in 2012 and Camille (from CEBA) standing outside the basement door of the house that served as the First Aid Station.  Papaw  would've entered this doorway where the Medics, nurses and nuns were attending to the wounded.  Clearly, the exterior of this house has been repaired and modernized in the 70 years since the war, but surprisingly, the interior of the basement still looked to be in its originally-built condition.

Dad inside the basement and room where wounded soldiers were treated.
 

My dad, Bill entering a room in the basement.  Electric fixtures looked to be war-era, still today.

Sink in the basement that was present when the room was used as aid station. The current owner of the house confirmed that this sink was part of the original structure.  Nurses and medics would've used this during the time the house served as an aid station.

At this point, Papaw earned his ticket home. The war was over for him.  After we left the aide station we talked about how it must have been a mixed emotion for Papaw.  To have spent all that time and seen all the things he did, and lived to tell about it-he was probably ready to head home... Yet, on the other hand, there could have been a sense of disappointment in not getting to see the end of what he had started.  

From what I experienced in the short 21 years that I knew him, I would say he was more happy to leave than not. There were only little clues around the house that told this part of his story.  He seemed happy to leave it where he left it and not look back.  He was happy to go home to Kentucky, to his parents. to his family and friends.  To painting houses and smoking a pipe.

From what I understood he built that little yellow house shortly after returning home, where he would raise his family and sit out under the tree and wave at those who pass by, watch his grandkids dig in the dirt with his wife's good kitchen spoons, humming and teaching them songs from church, snapping green beans in the summer and sipping sweet tea.

That's what I imagine he was dreaming about as they carried him off to head home.

Home.  There really is no place like it.

Below is the picture that we all were familiar with.. the one where he was awarded The Purple Heart.


I am glad I got to see it in color.

**More to come about The Fab Five, CEBA, and everything else I have missed... Thanks to all of you for reading and taking interest in such an emotional trip for our family!

In Color Part 3

Epping-Urbach-Volmuster, France (Lorraine Region) and Utweiler, Germany

On December 19, 1944, Papaw was in the final day of The Lorraine Campaign. Later that night, the 80th would be ordered by General Patton to head North to Luxembourg for the Battle of the Bulge. But prior to moving out, Papaw's unit was in a battle with the Germans near the France-Germany border in an area known as Epping-Urbach, France. Epping and Urbach are small towns that had been cleared by the Nazis when they entered France and took "possession" of the area in 1940. 

In this picture is my daughter Cassity and my dad Bill standing at the line of France and Germany.

During the fighting on that day, Papaw performed an heroic feat that earned him the Bronze Star medal.

We always knew Papaw was awarded the Bronze Star medal, but never knew the details. Thanks to the declassification of military records we have this information. My dad says that one thing Papaw always said about this feat was that he didn't think the young man he saved survived. He said he believed he heard that he died from his wounds. Even after all this research, we never knew the man's name and records don't identify him. 

Papaw's Bronze Star and Purple Heart Medals. 

My dad says that Papaw kept these medals in their original box in a dresser drawer in his bedroom.  He would get them out occasionally, but they were never displayed or put in a place of honor.  He simply kept them in a box, almost hidden in a bedroom dresser drawer.
I do not have any  memory of ever seeing these.

So, on this day we traveled back to the Lorraine Region and to Epping-Urbach, France to visit the very site where Papaw pulled his comrade off the battlefield and out of harms way.

My dad had arranged a meeting with a local historian and interpreter to take us to the spot where this battle occurred.  We met our local historians, Joseph Sprunk and an interpreter, Phillip, in Volmunster, France, just a few miles from Epping and Urbach.
They were incredible.

My parents had met Joseph and Phillip during their last visit to the area a few years ago. My parents told us that as a child, Joseph's family was taken away from the area by the Nazis, and that he broke down and cried as he told the story in fluent French. Tears know no language, my parents said they all wept with him as Phillip interpreted Joseph's words about the atrocities performed on his family and people of this region. 

 
The first thing I noticed was how similar the area was to Kentucky.  The part of the field where Papaw helped his wounded friend was hilly-very much like the area we are from..

 
I wondered if Papaw noticed those things too?

As usual, it was hard to imagine the bullets, mortar, artillery, blood shed and death-all around.
I imagined Papaw turning back and picking up his wounded friend and carrying him to safety. I imagined Papaw must have said something encouraging and comforting to his friend trying to keep him calm just as he lovingly comforted us kids growing up.

We all hope that in a situation like Papaw found himself in that day, if we saw a friend that was wounded, and gunfire is coming at you from all directions , that we would try to help them.

The reality is-would we? Really?

This was a life and death moment. Most of us will never have to make ANY kind of decision  while being shot at-when it's our life on the line-I don't know exactly what I would have done if I were Papaw!?

What kind of bravery and compassion and selfless courage that must have taken!  I know that I think he is a hero not just to this friend that he tried to save, but to his children, to his grandchildren, to his great-grandchildren and his country, that because of his efforts-and the efforts of our military, most of us will never be able to imagine war in our neighborhoods and towns.

Below is the citation from the 80th Division Headquarters, General Order #37, dated February 6, 1945:

"William Black, 35643709, Sgt, Inf, Army of the United States. For heroic achievement in France on 19 December 1944, in connection with military operations against an enemy of the United States. On 19 December 1944, in the vicinity of Epping Urbach, France, a member of the platoon led by Sgt Black was seriously wounded during a heavy mortar and artillery barrage by the enemy. Realizing that his comrade would suffer more wounds if allowed to remain in his exposed position, Sgt. Black, in company with another enlisted man, with utter disregard for his own safety, succeeded in reaching and carrying the injured man to safety despite the enemy fire. The courage, leadership, and constant devotion to duty displayed by Sgt Black are in keeping with the finest traditions of the armed forces of the United States. Entered military service from Kentucky."


Below, is the day I first met my Papaw Bill.  November 1980

In Color Part 2

I took this picture standing outside the Museum at Utah Beach.  Papaw marched off the boat and straight down this road through a town called Sainte Marie Du Mont.

**Remember: Papaw did not come to Utah Beach until 60 days AFTER D-Day.

Two years ago, when my parents first toured this area with a guide, they were surprised to have learned that they would be presented with  a certificate from the mayor proclaiming Papaw Bill a Citizen of Sainte Marie du Mont, France. (Is it me, or does the mayor look 15 years old?)

This is my dad Bill Black (Junior) accepting signed document of honorary citizenship on behalf of his dad, Sgt. William Black

Accompanying medallion with inscription of "In Recognition Of Your Duty"
We did not spend a lot of time here during our trip, however, I was fascinated with the church in the center of town.  It was so old!   I trailed off from our group and took pictures of the architecture and history that must be soaked into those walls. (That is, until my phone died.  My battery lived at 20% charged the entire time we were in Europe. It became the family joke.  More on that kind of stuff
later..)

During the early hours of June 6th (D-Day), American paratroopers dropped in behind enemy lines in and around this village, with the objective of securing key targets prior to the allied beach landings. Although elements of the 501st and 506th Airborne were scattered all over the area after the parachute drop, General Taylor regrouped the men and took the Germans by surprise. The village was under allied control later that afternoon.

I kept wondering if these walls could speak-what would they say!  As it turns out-the walls did speak! ...well, kind of!

Throughout this tiny village, there are wall plaques that describe the events of that fateful day. Around every corner, there is a story that depicts the heroics of those brave men of the Airborne Divisions.


Something that I found interesting was that this gigantic and beautiful church almost seemed out of place for such a little village. I read that the bell tower was utilized  by the Germans during the war as an observation point. 

***For fans of Band of Brothers, you will remember in the second episode, "The Day of Day's", Richard Winters mentioning this famous part of France. In the final scenes of this episode, soldiers from Easy Company are eating and resting in the back of trucks. Winters looks out and views the allied and German battles raging in the distance and declares: "at the end of the war, I will find a piece of land and live the rest of my life in peace".

Most of you did not know my Papaw so I am trying to paint a picture of who he was to me, at the end of each of my posts.

Today, I remembered one summer day as a kid, sitting under the tree with Papaw and him teaching us this song. Occasionally it will pop in my head and will remind me of dancing around that little yard in Eastern Kentucky singing with my Papaw.

Someday Touched Me

Pretty Is What Pretty Does

Something has been bugging me.  I mean, like, I can't sleep.
Why do young girls (and grown up girls who never grew up)  feel it is okay to dress provocatively? 

Yes, if you are 20 and older, the answer is simple.

We all know why...it's for attention.  Attention from cute guys or attention from their friends...young girls for the last bazillion years have attached the way they dress to their worth.  But!  It's not that easy! 
From what I know about teenage girls is they will deny the actual reason until they are blue in the face.

In fact, they get fighting mad!

You can not talk to a girl who has worn her shorts too short or her shirt too low and have a reasonable conversation.  They feel attacked! 

I can understand that.  I was a teenager once. For goodness sake- I wore a cheerleading skirt for 5 years!! I know the kind of looks you get from boys and I also know the kind of looks you get from those boy's mothers.

I think I was born a prude. It's true!
 
Maybe it is because I matured earlier than most girls my age and went from the girl's "pretty plus" department, straight to wearing my mom's clothes all before I left elementary school. I never wore juniors or a woman's size under 10.  To this day, I love almost every blouse at Cracker Barrel and wish all pants were elastic band with an high waist. In high school, I wore Whinnie the Pooh sweatshirts, sundresses, overalls, sweater vests and control top underwear under my cheerleading uniform. 

With that said, I remember the day I was called down to my High School's office because someone had turned me in for wearing my shorts too short.

ME?  The one who buys clothes from Cracker Barrel!??!?!  I was offended!  I was not the kind of girl that wore short shorts-and felt shamed as I walked with my tail between my legs down the hall way like a scolded puppy.

I wish there was a way it could be done without shaming them.  These girls may think they have life all figured out but the truth is- they are infants in grown up bodies! It's our job to guide them not destroy them.

I was always taught that we should dress modestly for a few reasons:

1. Our actions speak louder than words.  If we dress like a duck, walk like a duck, act like a duck..then chances are we are ducks.  If we say we are good girls then we should act like it-that includes how we dress and how we present ourselves.
2. That you are less respected if you dress trashy.

I don't know if those are valid reasons-but I also can not think of one good reason for anyone to wear clothing that shows off some of their most private body parts.

Think about it. Really.

Why dress trashy?

Yes this is a free country and you should be able to dress how you want to dress... but at what cost?

When you pick out a pair of shorts-ask yourself this:  Would my mom wear these? Would I want to see my mom in a pair of these?

If the answer is no (and it will be!)
Ask yourself why-why is it okay for YOU to wear but not for  your mom or any other adult?

Too old?  Too old for what?  Showing too much?
Too fat? Too fat for what? Showing too much?

SHOWING.TOO.MUCH.


Fine. Take my cool card.

Sign me up for water aerobics and a roller set hair appointment because I am officially in the elderly season of life.  I am irrelevant and have lost touch with reality and what the kids these days are doing.

I freely admit it.  Fine.

If you are a teenage girl, I am sure your eye lid has started twitching and your blood is boiling with anger at me right about now, and I am okay with that.

Girls, I don't care if you think I am a prude and are mad at me for calling you out but if you are honest, the reason you are so angry with me is because you know I am right.  It's easier to try to make me look like an uptight prude than admit that you are dressing in a way to get attention from guys.

How do I know? Because I was a teenager once and I know.

Some things don't change.

If you measure your self worth and beauty by whether or not a boy is looking at your butt, then, my sweet young friend, you have missed the point.

You need a different yard stick.

Your worth is based on WHO you are not on WHAT you wear.

....and parents, stop buying your daughters this stuff. It's YOUR money. It's YOUR home.  It's YOUR car. It's YOUR cell phone.  YOU ARE IN CHARGE.

Let's just all decide that we are going to raise the kind of adults that have integrity and self respect for themselves and for those around them. And let's teach our daughters that beauty has nothing to do with their appearance or what they are wearing.

..and if that doesn't work, then RUN-don't walk to their bedrooms and put on a pair of their shorts and insist on them going with you in public with them on.

That should do it.

You guys, it's just time.  Let's go

Currently Listening to "Beautiful Disaster" by Jon Mclaughlin











.

Eat Crow

Oh friend, before you and I had kids I think we can agree that we had parenting all figured out. 

In my, 20 year old opinion, children should never leave the house without an outfit that matched, hair not brushed, and a dirty face.  To me, that was the cardinal parent rule. Children must be clean and well kept in public.

That was all there was to it.  Parenting meant keeping a child clean. 
Oh sure, there were plenty of other "I will never____________________" statements that I boldly proclaimed to the mountain tops!  I am sure that you, too, had several  "I'll never" statements before you became a parent and yet, here we are-you and me...

eating crow.


Another phase of parenting is the nostalgic phase.  At one point or another, early on in my rookie season of parenting, I began to believe that my children must relive my childhood to a T.  A panic came across my heart when I thought that my children would never know the joy of living in the same little town with all their relatives, walking to school, sleigh riding, cheerleading, and living in Kentucky.  

That was all there was to it. Parenting meant recreating the past.

Now that I am in my "Sophmore" season of parenting, and my kids are all in Elementary School, I have learned that though my childhood shaped who I am and perhaps how I parent, my children are not carbon copies of me.  They are three individuals with three unique personalitites that will have their own identities and do not have any preconceived notions of how they should be raised.  All they know is the life they live. Their life is what we as parents make it. 

I can celebrate my past by sharing stories with our kids- showing them pictures of where we have come from and celebrating traditions that have been passed down over time, but also celebrate who they are becoming because of the childhood they are experiencing, TODAY.

That is all there is to it. Parenting is about honoring the past and celebrating what is now-ish.

Next year, a new season of parenting will begin, as our oldest child will start Junior High. I know enough now to know to never say never.  I know that what I think I won't do, I will end up doing and that without question I will mess something up.

It baffles me that a box of Poptarts come with instructions, but as soon as they hand you that child and send you home, there is no instruction manual and no one kid is the same. What worked for one kid, will not work for the next. Dang.

If I were to predict the next seasons of parenting, I would say that the theme would be to remember that our children have a front row seat to our life.  Front. Row.  They see us-the real us.  Our children watch us- how we interact with friends, family, and each other.  They take mental notes and snapshots in their hearts for how to be a grown up and take their cues from us. Good and bad.

Our children are not surprised by our strengths and not  surprised by our weaknesses.  I think that if we can be vulnerable with our kids and admit when we are wrong and help them see how to reconcile those moments (in a healthy age appropriate way) then we invite our kids into an adulthood that they are more equipped for and have the tools they need to navigate their own lives.


That is all there is to it.  Parenting is preparing children for adulthood.

Tightrope Walkin'

Okay, I admit it.  I am someone who needs to be affirmed by words to feel like I am loved or that I am doing a good job.  I guess I  am much like a dog in that sense.  If you could hold my face in your hands and squeeze my cheeks together and in your mushiest gushiest voice say:

"You are such a good girl, Leslie, yes you are!"  "Good job, Leslie, what a good good job!" 

I will feel adequate and worthy....for the time being.

Can you EVEN imagine how much I stress about the "Likes" my blog posts get on Facebook and how many "Retweets" I can get on Twitter. 

I have to constantly remind myself that my worth is not attached to how many people LIKE what I do.

I have a friend who feels affirmed when someone brings her a coffee from Starbucks or picks something up at store that reminds them of her.  She feels loved and appreciated by gifts. (Nothing expensive, just the idea of that someone remembered her and was generous enough to share something with her.)


We all have different ways we receive and even give love to and from others. There is a great book called The 5 Love Languages that I HIGHLY recommend you run, NOT WALK, and go read!!

Spoiler Alert: The 5 Love Languages
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Gifts

It's easy to get frustrated when you feel like a friend, your spouse, or a coworker doesn't appreciate you-but the truth is they may think they are appreciating you, they are just doing it in a way that THEY receive encouragement.

Understanding how you-and those around you best receive love will help you understand how to be better in your relationships all across the board. 

That wont make it easy!  For people who do not need words of encouragement to feel appreciated it may seem too "needy" of me to have to constantly have say: "Good Work Leslie!"

I can literally hear those people in my head saying:

"Ugh, why do I constantly  have to tell you over and over that you are good at what you do!?"

It is hard to ask for what you need, I actually hate it.  I don't like to seem needy.  I am actually scared to death to seem needy.  I wish like crazy that I was the bionic woman who needed nothing from anyone!  I don't know why I am like that.  I am still working on it.

Being vulnerable is like walking a tight rope, it is terrifying (for most of us) but its important. 
It is equally important to make effort to meet those needs in others-even if their love language doesn't match yours.

When we can be aware of how love languages work, we will have better friendships, marriages, work environments, and relationships with our kids. 

It is worth the work.

Currently listening to: He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli