Still That Girl

 You know what one of the strangest things about growing up is? Time travel.

Time is flying.  Rapidly!  But it sure didn't fly when we were kids.  Christmas and our Birthdays always seemed decades apart. We would make paper chains and special calender countdowns to help us pass the time.  Confession: Our 5 year old, Ryleigh, is trying to keep up with a paper chain countdown for Christmas and I can't keep up with it.  I am always having to take 2-3 chains off because time gets away from me. Dang.

Vacations, Holidays, and raising children pass us by in what feels like a blink of an eye.

Our oldest daughter, Cassity turns 11 next month. It is incredibly hard for my head to wrap around that.  Next fall,
I will have a daughter who is old enough to be in Junior High!!!

Holy Time Travel, Batman!

I vividly remember my 11th Birthday. Picture it!  November 7, 1991  My mom let me stay home from school (5th grade) and we went shopping.  I was a child trapped in a woman's body back then, I "matured" early and so I wore women's clothing.  I bought 2 sweaters that included shoulder pads, a dicky,  and stirrup pants.  That was also the day that Magic Johnson announced he was HIV Positive. (Talk about a Birthday Buzz kill!)

I am beginning to think that time doesn't wait for us.

I have so much I want to do!  I don't even know where to begin!  I used to have all these dreams and plans for myself and to be fair, I am living most of those dreams out (Mom, Check! Wife, Check! College Graduate, check!)
but there are some plans I made when I was young that I have suppressed-perhaps, even let die, because I just feel like there isn't enough time.

I joke about how my head is in the clouds and always dreaming.  Most of my ambition to do big things come from when I was younger and thought I had the world on a silver platter.  That was then and this is now.  Now I am in my 30's, chubby, aging, stressed, lazy, and walk with a limp. I am tired.  I am bruised.  I just want to lay on the couch and watch New Girl on Netflix.
I have written myself off and in doing so, I have written off all the hopes and plans I had when I was young.

WHY? Why do I do that?  Why do YOU do that?

So what? We had a couple of kids and got old, fat and  now we drive a mini van that smells like a 2 month old Happy Meal!
....none of that means we should put a nail in our coffin!
WE ARE NOT DEAD YET!

Let's make a plan, me and you.

What can we start doing TODAY that will ignite the old firey passions in our hearts that once were?

Baby steps.

You're Still that Girl. (Britt Nicole)

 Who's that Girl? It's Les!

 

I am going to get over you..

Oh Lord, I am going to try to tackle a subject that is
deeply personal and yet universal in all of our lives.

Heart break.

 I have avoided this kind of sharing because lots of people read this blog that I know-
like know personally.

My parents, my siblings, my grandma, my in laws, family members, friends, pastors, and lots of people that just plain know me.

It's easier to write to strangers about personal things... WHY IS THAT?

I will try to keep this light-intertwined with perspective and just enough detail to keep you interested.


My first real heart break comes to you from way back....back in the day, as they say.
We were High School Sweethearts- together for 3 years but in my mind, I had  our wedding planned,  our kids named, and had already made lots of other plans for our long life together.

In all my daydreaming, I  had practically perfected a beautifully signed signature with his last name attached to mine in preparation for all the  future Christmas cards, checks, permission slips,
we would sign someday.

As per usual, I lived in a world called SOMEDAY.

I had just transferred to a new college 4 hours from home and was conflicted
 with emotions.    You see, my long time boyfriend and I had decided that a
long distance relationship was not in the stars for us.

At least I think we decided.  It seemed logical.
Fine.

I think that, for my part, I didn't take our agreement to part ways as serious as he did.  I thought things would stay the same-we just wouldn't have the titles.  I would live 4 hours away and we would see each other once a month, when I came to town to get my braces tightened. 
(This shows you that it's been a while since I have been in the dating game. I was an infant.)

In my foggy haze of denial, I packed up my Honda CR-V  and left my little town- headed  250 miles away. It never occurred to me that I was closing a big chapter of my life.
 I thought nothing would change-nothing ever changes when you are 19 years old. 

In my delusion, I settled into my new dorm, met new friends, and was learning more about my new found independence on my own in a new place.  

I wish I could say that the guy that broke my heart was a real jerk.  I wish I could say that he was no good and trouble with a capital T, but the truth is, he was a sweet boy who treated me like gold.  He never raised his voice to me and always went along with any idea or plan I had made.  He was gentle and attentive and by all accounts thought I was the cat's meow.

Growing up is tough because you change.  When you are 16,17, 18, 19 years old, you just don't see yourself as changing.  (I think this is true for when you are 34 as well.) You think that you have learned all there is to know about life and the reality is-you don't.. like at all.
You know nothing.

Breaking up was hard for both of us.  Like I said, I digested my pain with denial and he digested his pain with well, reality.   While my head was in the clouds imagining how our first child's nursery would be decorated, he was actually moving on.

I remember where I was in my dorm when I heard that he had started seeing someone else.  I was shocked!  I was devastated.
The down side to not accepting reality is that the world doesn't play along with you.

He had moved on without me.

He was not a monster-he just kept going on with his life.  His world did not stop when I moved away.

I spent at least a month in my pink bathrobe watching Hope Floats on a 13 inch TV/VCR combo set. The movie would end and I would rewind it and watch it again.  It was pathetic-I was pathetic.

I just laid there in waded up snot rags feeling sorry for myself.

I tortured myself by thinking of all the new things he was doing with this new girl in my town-OUR TOWN! Hanging out with my friends-our friends!  I would go back home each month and would be smothered with memories and grieve him as if he was dead.
I would beg God to not let me run into him and in the next breath, beg God to let me run into him.

Some wise musicians of my generation Kriss Kross would say I was "wiggity wiggity wiggity whack!"

I had to grieve all those things I had dreamed about for us.  I had to learn to live with memories and know that -that was all they would ever be.  I would only see him from my life's rear view mirror, that seemed to be getting farther and farther away from what once was.

I don't know why it is, that when you are heartbroken you can't see how irrational you are acting?

 You create scenarios in your mind, like the ones you have seen in the movies where the one that breaks your heart, changes their minds and comes running back to you.  (In those scenarios in my head it always included rain, a rock, and a bedroom window.)   You pray that they will regret it someday and that there is a moment in their future where they will realize that you were the best thing that ever happened to them. 

You are absolutely certain that every song about heartbreak is specifically written about you. 

Everything about your life will feel like a Taylor Swift  music video.

Here is the reality about heartbreak:  It sucks.  There is nothing worse.  You can't fix it.  You can't hide from it.  It will have you asking all your friends if they think you are prettier than the new girl out of complete and total desperation.
Here is the reality check you have all been waiting for... Take a few months and wallow. Eat pizza and gallons of whatever kind of icecream you want. Watch chick flix and sob.  Look at old pictures and remember.  Talk to your friends.

Then.. get your sorry butt up and get over it.

You have too much going for you to waste it in la la land.  You  need to be brave and walk straight through it.


Heartbreak leaves us with scars.  They don't really heal exactly the same, you walk with limp.  You are different.

You learn. You grow. You keep walking.
You learn to live with the limp and after a while, you get used to it.

If I had to go back and change anything, I wouldn't.  I needed that dose of reality, I needed to learn that having my head in the clouds isn't always so dreamy.  I learned to see reality and appreciate people in my life and what they teach me even if it is only for short time.

I still walk with a limp but I still keep walking.  I have learned that what lies ahead of me is far greater than what I leave behind.

If you are dealing with a broken heart I want to encourage you to keep walking straight through it.

You can and you will get through this.

Keep walking.. your future is waiting!  Spoiler Alert....it all turns out exactly the way it should! 



Currently listening to: I'm Going To Get Over You by Sara Bareilles

Unfolding

I am not too hip on being surprised.
I kind of hate when things don't make sense.

So yeah, I will have a nice clear picture with a side order of predictability, thank you very  much.

You may not buy into this whole God thing...and to be honest, there are days that I get tired of the mystery that comes with all things christian.  There are times when I get tired of waiting on God and  just want to do my own thing.

The "problem" with that is, I just can't help myself!  I believe!

I believe in all of it-the whole thing.  Genesis to Revelation. From Creation to walking on water, from feeding the thousands with a little boy's lunch to parting dead sea.  I believe in the miraculous healing from making the blind see and the dead come to life.  All means all -all of it!

In my heart, at my very core, I just can't NOT believe that there are things about our lives that are bigger and better planned than what we could ever come up with on our own.

Out of the deepest, darkest, and most UNWANTED pain that we can endure grows wisdom.  Perspective that pieces the puzzle of our life together perfectly and dare I say beautifully!?

It's so annoying to almost all of us to hear "everything happens for a reason."

I don't like any of the reasons-especially when its painful.  There really is no reason or good that I want to learn from at the cost of losing someone I love or endure anything hurtful.

Betrayal.
Rejecetion.
Heartbreak
Injustice.
Failure.
Illness.
Depression.
Grief.


No thanks.  I would like to live in Pleasantville.

Growing up my dad would play Steven Curtis Chapman music in our van.  I grew up listening to his music and have always admired him from a distance.  6 years ago, one of his teenage sons was pulling into their driveway and in a horrific tragedy, accidentally ran over their youngest daughter, Maria, killing her.

.....I know, right?

I followed this story closely.  I watched  (and am still watching) as this family grieves.

I read the book,  "Choosing to See" that Mary Beth Chapman wrote about this and am inspired by her authenticity and strength...  She is wise.

I loved her response, in an interview, when she was asked about how she felt about others being changed and helped by their story.  In her raw mommy emotion she said:  I don't care about helping people-I just want Maria back.

She didn't try to candy coat it or over spiritualize her circumstances.. she was real.


Steven Curtis Chapman recently wrote a song called  Glorious Unfolding as a reflection of his grief journey and is quoted on his website as saying this:

“I’m very, very grateful to be given the opportunity to make music and share the things that I feel like God has entrusted to me,” Chapman says. “I don’t take it lightly. I pray: ‘God, I want to know You and I want to make You known.’ God has continued faithfully to reveal Himself through dark places and reveal His mysteriousness. I get the sense that He’s telling an amazing story. He’s not confused. He’s not biting his nails worrying if the plan is going to turn out okay the way I do. He’s fully confident of His plans and He’s in control. That’s been something that I’ve held onto.”




The gosh darn truth of the whole dang thing is that ....... things do happen that really suck.

It's easy to get mad at God or even decide that if following God means painful things happen, then we want no part of that.

Life is short.  You only live once. #yolo

Yes!  ....I just  can't...don't... won't.... believe that NOT believing in God is going to make our lives free of pain.


I guess what I am trying to say is that, when I look back on my lifetime, I want to know that there were low valleys and high mountain tops with windy unexpected blind curves of experiences and that every single one of them meant something.

Lessons were learned and are evident by our scars.  We earned those scars and lives were changed.

The picture became clearer the further forward we moved.

I like to believe that God gives us little clues and  with each experience, the picture keeps getting a little clearer.


...and that life is more than just living and dying, it is a glorious unfolding.

We All Die Famous In A Small Town

As my kids are getting older, I am starting to notice the difference in raising your kids in a large city and a small town.

I was raised in a small town and am now raising my children in a big city.

I grew up in the same town with both sets of grandparents, many of my aunts, uncles, and cousins who were really just extra siblings. My parents met in 2nd grade and were High School sweethearts.   My friend's parents all grew up with my parents.  During my school days, I had teachers that were my parent's teachers, some of my teachers went to church with my grandma and some of them attended the church my family attended.

Your worlds collide a lot when you live in a small town.

I knew every single person in my graduating class of 185 ish.  I grew up with them. Kindergarten- 12th grade. I have memories of almost all of them, be it through the classroom, church, cheerleading, choir, or any other activity I was involved in.  We were all together-all the time.

When you live in a small town, it is rare to not run into someone you know and there is an unspoken pressure to "keep your nose clean."

There is an old proverb about living in a small town that goes:

"You can not fart without the whole town smelling it." -Unknown

Wow, such wisdom.

When you grow up in a small town, everything is a big deal!  Senior Night, High School Graduation Open Houses, Prom, Wedding Showers, Weddings, and Baby Showers are comparable to The Emmy's or The Governor's Ball.

Dresses are fancier, hair is bigger, cars are newer, and  you just better keep up.

At a young age, it is known that you are to be involved in everything. Gymnastics, cheerleading, dance, soccer, t-ball, little league, swimming, and whatever else on the planet that there is to offer.


Parents are more tempted to compete with other parents to win the title of  "My Kid is Better Than Your Kid Award,"  or, perhaps, try to accomplish the things they didn't get a chance to accomplish in their own childhood and use their children as opportunities to do so.

(For the record: This is a blanket temptation for any parent wherever you live-it is just more visible when you live in a small town.  Everyone is watching!)

On the other hand, raising our kids in a big city has been an adjustment as well.  Nobody knows who you are and you don't know who they are. There is no pressure to ever put make up on or get involved in anything because nobody knows you exist.

Your kids will get invited to spend time with a friend from school and you will have no idea who the child is or who their parents are.

It's scarier to live in a big city.  People get murdered more... like 100% more.  Kids are not safe to stand at the bus stop alone and it is tempting not to let your kids leave the house for any reason in order to ensure their safety.

Dances, sports, and any other extra curricular activity is more expensive and there is no real pressure to  attach your identity to what you do after school.  Popular kids are not always athletes or even the best looking kid in school.  In fact, popularity is not the same thing in a large city school as it is in a small town school.

Big city kids are happy to have a few friends because it is impossible to know everyone  in your class.

Parents aren't competing with each other on a school level  but rather, they compete with themselves and their idea of what perfection looks like.


You can probably see that there are benefits to growing up in either scenarios.  I love my little town and all the personalities that make up that home sweet home community that I call mine.  I am who I am today because of the small town culture where I was raised AND something that I have learned through this big city living is that it is less important WHAT we are involved in and more important WHO we become.

Parents, whether you are raising your kids in a small town or a big city, always we keep WHO you are raising more important that WHAT they are involved in.

WHO > what

Whinnie The Pooh Backpack and College

I grew up with what I believe we could now, safely call learning disabilities.

I was a poor reader as a child, I  was always in lowest level reading group.  I could read, I just could not comprehend anything that I read.  Although I was never diagnosed as a child, I am confident I also struggled with attention deficit issues.  (...and still do.)

I loved classes like art and music.  I also really enjoyed assignments that required creativity and gave us the freedom to choose a topic to write about.  Most of my school days were spent with my head in the clouds, daydreaming or doodling as my teacher would be teaching the rest of my class.

 If tutoring was offered, I was there.  In high school, I am convinced that I passed algebra because we were given bonus points for attending tutoring.  I attended both before and after school tutoring every single day.  I passed math classes by accumulating those bonus points.


I dropped out of college  the start of my junior year and went to beauty school.  Before you start singing "Beauty School Dropout," you should know that I did complete the 1500 hours required by the state of Indiana and passed the State Board and am officially a licenced cosmetologist.

My early 20's were spent mothering my babies as a stay at home mom.  I had our first child when I was 23 and our second, when I was 25.  It was shortly after our second child was born that I felt inspired to finish my degree.

So, at 25 years old, I decided to go back to college.

Before I go any further, I want to share that while I was in college, there was an older "Adult Ed" student in some of my classes and she would walk around campus going to her classes with a Whinnie The Pooh backpack on wheels.

This was my picture of what it looked like to be an Adult Ed-Non Traditional College student.

I was worried that I would be perceived as the old woman with the Whinnie The Pooh backpack and that paralyzed me for some time.  I was ( and still am) very self conscience of what others think of me.

Fear runs my life... a lot.

I say all of this because I know there are some of you that might be quietly wishing you could change careers or go back to college but feel like it's' too late for you. 

You, also, don't want to be linked with the Whinnie The Pooh backpack.

I get it!

I just want you to know that as long as you have breath in those lungs, it is not too late for you!  We have an incredible opportunity afforded to us in technology.  We can go to school online and do class work on our own time, freeing up time so that we can juggle homework with raising our children and working full time jobs.

In fact, I turned in a final THE DAY our youngest child was born!

Growing up, I never thought I would be a college graduate.  It never occurred to me that it would be something that I could achieve. 

What I have learned is that though I was not ready for college as a traditional student, I was able to excel as a non traditional student.  I don't know if it was because I needed time to grow up or if I finally realized what was holding me back, but I did it!

The pride that I feel in accomplishing my degree in the middle of raising children is more gratifying than any actual job that will follow.

I did it! 

So can you.


GO!

Different Shoes and Chipped Nail Polish

I have a friend that is a time champion.  She will post pictures on social media of her 14 books that she is reading, her journal, her perfect cup of coffee all strategically placed on her spotless coffee table in her spotless house.

I have a love/hate relationship with her.  She raises the bar for me, and since I am a lazy slob and just want to lay on the couch and watch every season of New Girl on  Netflix from start to finish, she is a source of inspiration and encouragement that you can have 3 kids and still do the things that are important to you.


But then you have a morning like this:




This story comes to you from sometime around 2007, I had only 2 children at the time and they were ages 3 and 1. 

I woke up that morning focused on ONE THING-cleaning toilets.  We were having company over that evening and I was kept awake most of the night thinking about all that I needed to do to get the house cleaned.   I threw on one of Adams HUGE t-shirts and some pants that lost its drawstring in one of my pregnancies, slipped on  my shoes and was out the door.

I walked my oldest into preschool and spoke to her teacher, smiling and passing all the moms who somehow managed to lose all their baby weight and wake up before God to make sure every hair is in place and throw on an entire outfit, which, from head to toe could be found on any Pinterest fashion board owned by women our age.

It wasn’t until I was leaving that I saw my own reflection in the front door and noticed I was wearing two different shoes.


I would love to have a structured routine in my life.  To those of you who DO have a daily routine it probably seems so simple, but for me, if it takes any kind of effort, I tend to avoid it!

That’s just my lazy nature.

I tend to admire  disciplined people from afar.  Those of you who get up at 5am and have your quiet time with God and then run a mile  while listening to your carefully selected worship  music playlist.  Not to mention, you have done it all before 7am.  .

While I want to be just like you when I grow up, I have to wonder, what it is that helps you relax?  It must be stressful to be you.  Always having every minute planned and accounted for, it’s like you are  mom machine!  Maybe you should be the one writing a blog?

Sigh.

What if we (I) stopped comparing ourselves to other moms and instead allowed ourselves to be inspired by them?  None of us have this mothering thing figured out-we are all just “wingin” it.  We have so much to learn from each other and we have alot to share with other moms from the things we have experienced.  This is not a competition.  

Wait.  Go grab a pen and write this down:

Motherhood is not a competition.  

How would your life change, if you and I  were willing to admit that you are not in competition with the moms you are busy comparing yourself to?

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Unknown

Currently Listening to:  WHEN THE CRAZY KICKS IN

The One With The Urine Sample

So, funny story-that wasn’t so funny at the time. 

Years ago, when Jared (who is now 8) was around 15 months old, he started showing some signs of a possible Urinary Tract Infection. So.. I took him to the doctor.

At the doctor's office, the nurse asked for a urine sample.

I laughed to myself, “Do they even know our son?” 

 “Have they ever met this WILD CRAZY child?”  “Do they really think that my Jared is going to pee in a cup?”



YEAH RIGHT, I thought. 

I began to sweat as I gathered my toddler and preschooler up, along with our coats, diaper bag and sippy cup, and headed for the restroom-all the while thinking:

"THIS IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN"

I took his diaper off and I kid you not, 10 seconds later he was peeing!  I grabbed the cup and he filled it full!!

CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE MY RELIEF??

I felt like I had the prize winning pig at the county fair!

I was so proud! I put the cup on the back of the toilet and began to put his diaper on him and just as I was dreaming about how advanced and brilliant my child must obviously be, I heard the sound of the toilet flushing.

I looked up and  there was his 3 year old sister dumping his cup in the toilet..............

I think a part of me died.

I screamed!!!

 "Cassity!! Why on earth did you do that!?!?"

She replied, as if to scold me: "Pee is for the potty, Mommy!"

I walked out to the nurses station in a full on sweat, my head tucked between my tail like a shamed puppy.

After I explained what had happened...

They laughed. Everyone  I have told so far has laughed.....

I can only laugh now.  (7 years later)

If you believe parenting is always picture perfect, I feel it is my life calling to loosen you up! Laugh at yourself! It's funny!

What NOT to Expect When You are Expecting

Oh that magical wedding day, most of us girls dream about from the time we see a Brides magazine in 4th grade and decide to start making a wedding scrapbook of all the dresses you think are pretty. 

No? Just me? 

Fine. I digress.

I look at my wedding pictures and sincerely do see the three gleams of my children in my eyes. I thought I had it all figured out-life was no longer a mystery to this 21 year old bride!

I had no idea. Like, none. A grand total of zero ideas.

Something I  noticed during my stay at the hospital after delivering all three of my little angels was, that it seems like all the nurses that have to “check” you-post delivery are cute, young and named “Jordan."

Worse yet, Jordyn with a "Y."

You know, nurse “Jordyn,”  the one who  prances in smelling like the newest Brittney Spears perfume and wearing bon-e-bell lip gloss, weighing, what you guess to be, approximately the size of your right leg. (That is, if you could actually feel your legs. #epiduralprobs)

Yeah, her.

As if we need anymore humbling moments!  Picture it: there you lay, in your backless hospital gown, sleep deprived, wearing a pad the size of a pampers swaddler and a pair of manufactured gauz underwear, absolutely glowing.

Glowing!

Is there anything like passing a child out of something that, up until that monumental day, you were to hold sacred like a flower garden only to now have an adorable,  22 year old be-what feels like-elbow deep in checking you uterus and your bandaging your incisions.

Look, Jordyn,  I know that there is probably not a pic of this  on your wedding Pinterest board, but I just crapped on a table with my entire family watching as if it were an action 

sci-fi movie, and now, they  have sent me the cutest girl at the sorority house to remind me of what a gigantic bleeding monster I have become and how my legs are now dead weight and that I haven't brushed my hair in days.


This is it, Jordyn, the part they leave out in all the Brides magazines, take some time to make a mental note. Now, go take a selfie to post on “insta” and talk to your bae on facetime! You will need the evidence that there was once a time when you were young, free and actually liked your husband!

But while you are here, let me add that your best days are still ahead of you-just wait and see!
.......while you are at it, grab me some more of that amazing hospital ice and two Vicodin. 

Thanks.

A Birthday Carole

My birthday is tomorrow. I guess I am still young enough to admit my age..so, here goes: I will be 34. I always get nostalgic during the week leading up to my birthday. For example, I am visited by The Ghost of Birthdays Past.
Most days I cant remember where I lay my keys but I can remember my 5th Birthday Party like it was yesterday!

Growing up, I had some fun birthday parties. 

Take 1988, for example when we invited my friends to a swim party at the University(indoor) pool in my hometown! I had an ALF cake that year! In 1990, I turned 10 and I invited 3 friends over for my first slumber party and... Get this! We had to pile in the van and go to a store full of VHS tapes that could be rented and returned!! (After it was rewound first-obviously!) It's how we, pioneers did it...before Netflix!

We rented the movie "Beetlejuice" and ordered pizza.

The Birthday when I was 4th grade was my last big birthday party and it was a Bart Simpson themed skate party-that most my friends left early from to go to a Taylor Dayne concert. (I guarantee you did not expect to think about Taylor Dayne today! You are so welcome for that!)

Most of my high school Birthdays were spent cheering football games. My 18th Birthday was celebrated at a regional playoff game 2 hours away from home. All was made right with me when the entire football team sang "happy birthday" to me after the game at a Ryan's Steakhouse.
(It was super dreamy!)

As I have gotten older, I have come to realize that your Birthday is truly your New Year! The "start over" that you might be needing! The push you might need to start something you have been putting off until later.

So tonight, on the Eve of my Birthday I am hoping to be visited by The Ghost of Birthday Present- to remember to be grateful for all the blessings I have! As a peek through the window of what is, I hope that I am reminded of the abundance of blessings in my life! My family, my friends, a great church, a warm house, good health, and opportunities that I have right now!

It seems like the present always gets a bad wrap. Do you ever notice that when we are asked how long we have been married, or how long we have been at a job, that we say :


"Oh... It will be 13 years this summer..."

Why don't we say: "12 years."

It's easy to get so busy that we don't see the forest because of all of the trees.  I have a lot to celebrate and so do you! The question is, have we made time to recognize it?

I also hope to get a visit from The Ghost of Birthdays Yet to Come.


This is the place I tend to spend most of my time. I live in the future-sometimes to a fault. I'm always daydreaming and thinking about what next! The years certainly are flying by and before we know it time slips away from us!  Just as we do each year on New Year's Eve, I think it is important to set some goals that we have for our new birth year. I'm a visual person, I have to see something tangible to keep it close to my mind!

Make a list! Tape to your bathroom mirror or hang it on your refrigerator to remind you of those things you want to accomplish!

Your Birthday is a fresh start and it's never too late! Let's make this year the best year yet!

Happy Birthday-Happy New Year!

The MotherHOOD: 5 Lessons

Becoming a mom happens so differently for all of us girls.

Some of us just have to walk past a pregnancy test aisle of a store and they are lighting up positive like a Christmas tree. Some of us struggle to get pregnant for years and have to spend money and have surgeries and procedures to finally get pregnant. Some of us have complications and are never able to conceive or maintain a pregnancy full term. Some of us are mothers of children who are now in heaven.  Some of us carried a child for a friend or loved one who could not carry a pregnancy on her own-as a surrogate. Some of us became a mother with the help of a surrogate. 

 Some of us become mothers through adoption. Some of us become mothers before we had ever planned. Some of us become moms of nieces and nephews and fill in the gap for a family member for whatever circumstance, can no longer take care of their children. Some of us become mothers through foster care, and open our hearts and homes to children who find themself in an in between homes season of life.

Regardless of how or when, we are all mothers.

With that being said, I'd like to give any of you rookie moms, some advice on some things I have learned in the last 10.5 years that I have mothered.

1. We are all created differently. 

Give each other a break! Some moms work-some don't. Some moms breastfeed-some don't. Some moms homeschool-some don't.

Stop the constant urge to compare yourself to other moms and also stop the urge to defend the choices that you make as a mom.

Just say to yourself: good for them-not for me. 

Then get back to your own life! You are too busy to play that game anyway! 

2.  Perfect does not exist.

Get out of your own head! There will be days that feel pretty perfect and then there will be days that your child wears a bra on their head while sitting in the cart at target.

You may fool everyone by making them believe your life is like something out of Little House on the Prairie but you will never fool your children! Our kids have a front row seat to our lives and they know what we are really like!

If we are not careful, our kids will soon be unimpressed with our ability to put on a fake face!

Let your kids learn from your mistakes!

3. Don't raise kids-raise adults.

Granted, my children are still in elementary school, but I am already fighting the urge to do things for my kids that they are perfectly capable of doing themselves! 

We have to teach our children how to survive this world without us  and that sometimes means to let them fail.

4. Plan ahead!

Anticipation is the name of the game! When your kids are little, you can not be too prepared. Pack bags and lay out clothes the night before. Why? Because when you are rushing around in the morning that it's easy to forget something. When you pack at night, you have more time to think and take your time.

5. Get a hobby. 

I think that something all moms can be guilty of is not taking time to do something for themselves! Find something you enjoy and get your butt up and go do it!

Our kids need to see us have fun without them! Why? Because they will move away someday and we will be left twiddling our thumbs because we don't have any idea what to do with ourselves and because they need to see our example for when they have children someday!

What did I leave out? I'd love to hear your advice! Truly we are all in this together!

Wake Up Dead

Anthrax. Swine Flu. Rheumatoid Arthritis. Salmonella poisoning. Terminal Brain Cancer. Mono. Melanoma.  ADHD.  SARS.

These are just some of the diseases I was once sure that I had contracted.

I also related with Dorothy Zbornak (played by Bea Arthur) in the episode of The Golden Girls when she was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue syndrome.

I was 9 years old.


Today I woke up with a cough and instantly worried  it could be Ebola.

Sometimes, before I go to sleep I will rattle off a list of symptoms that I am experiencing to Adam, just in case I wake up dead.

Yes. I have a Sick Problem.

I wonder why we tend to assume the worst case scenario? Maybe you are like me and as soon as you sneeze you assume you are dying. Maybe it's with your relationships-if a friend hasn't called you in 2 days, they must hate you and be quietly plotting your death.  Maybe it's with your circumstances-if you are in a "slump" you assume you will always be in a slump.


Why does believing the best case scenario seem so scary?

I think it's because it makes us vulnerable.

I don't know about you, but I certainly do not like to look stupid.

I don't think any of us do!!!

Is there a balance between being vulnerable and believing the best and being realistic and setting boundaries?

I think so!

I think we should trust until we are proven otherwise and then adjust our sails accordingly.

Let's stop living our life in fear and instead live a life that is based on hope and realistic expectations!

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go "webmd" symptoms of anxiety. #wink

Pitts Off!

When I was a kid there was this segment  on a AM  radio station hosted by an older redneck-oppionated type of guy named "Earl Pitts." (He referred to himself as a native-American redneck) Earl Pitts would spend 15-20 minutes on a rant on the topic of something that "made him sick" about today's society.  In fact, he always started his rant with


"You know what makes me sick!? You know what makes me so angry!?

....and then on with whatever he wanted to say that day.

It's funny, as I get older, I find myself turning into Ol' Earl.

Stuff is starting to make me sick and angry! So I thought that occasionally I would write an "Earl Pitts"  post.  You will know it an Earl Pitts post because I will start it with

"You know what makes me sick!?"

So....



You know what makes me sick!? You know what makes me so angry!?

Grown ups who don't grow up.... and do not have to.

I look around and see so many of my peers living the high life! They go on lavish vacations, buy their children designer tennis shoes every other month, drive the newest mini van, go to Disney like its the local city park, dine at fine restaurants, live in the most high end neighborhoods, and own the most recent and up to date tech toys.


Sure! You could say "Leslie, you sound jealous!"

And I'd say... Yes you are kind of right! Here's the deal, I have this ridiculous idea that if you get to live the high life and have the finer things in life.. Your parents should not be paying your bills.

If we are actually grown ups, shouldn't we pay for our own stuff?!

I don't mean use your money to buy the fun stuff and then ask your parents to fund the major life necessities like: groceries, bills, mortgage and to financially provide for your
children's extra curricular activities.

Here's what I'm trying to say:

If you can't afford groceries and rent....then  you probably should reconsider the trip to Mauii.

Yes! I want justice!

I want everyone to pay their bills and leave their parents alone! ......and I want parents of adult children to stop enabling their behavior!!!!!!

I don't want anyone to be labeled as a "failure to launch."


If I don't get to go on vacations and drive the latest and greatest Honda mini van because I'm busy paying my bills and living within my paycheck, then it's not my parents responsibility to make sure that happens!
Just because we can't actually see the money on our credit cards that we are maxing out right and left does not mean that it's not there-piling up and making us its slave!


People! Let's live within our means!!! We are not 15 years old anymore!!!!!!!


Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself

"who am I fooling?"


The answer is: you.


***Disclaimer: 

Yes. Sometimes life happens and we just plain need help from our parents. You should ask for help-the difference in you and those who I am talking about is your attitude.

Do you take it and work hard to get back on track or do you take it like its owed to you?

There is a difference in gratefulness and entitlement.

Also, if you have the money in the bank to live a "finer things life" then great!!! You have earned it! You have done the hard work and your are now reaping the benefits!!! Good for you!  Also there is nothing wrong with your parents buying you things... That's called a gift.

I'm just talking about those who neglect their responsibilities (bills) to keep up with a pretend life that only makes themselves  look foolish.

It's like their very fear of how they are perceived by others, is made worse by their desperate attempt to impress.

What you fear. You create.

Stop it.

We Broke Up.

"Yeah, I think it's pretty clear.  I ain't no size 2."

I love bread.


All of it.


Pizza, rolls, cake, brownies, cookies, bread, bread sticks, cheese sticks, cereal, noodles, muffins, bagels, scones, biscuits, and crackers.  I would personally prefer bread over a traditional birthday cake.


Infact, just like a can of biscuits, if you were to open me up, a heap of dough would ooze out.

I have never been addicted to things like drugs, tobacco, alcohol, or anything close to being on that TLC show "My Strange Addiction."

..I have no interest in running a hair dryer while I sleep, or eating lent or laundry soap, or be in an intimate relationship with my car.



I just want to eat bread.


Complex Carbohydrates comfort me.  When I am stressed or sad carbs have always been there for me. A true constant in this ever changing world.


4 days ago, I had to end my relationship with my love affair with my life long friend, bread.

You see, I have struggled with my weight since I was young.


I like to blame bread.  But it wasn't bread, it is me.

Bread didn't make me fat.  My laziness and obsession  with how comforting bread is to my soul, is what made me fat.


So I broke up with bread.  

I am 4 days into my detox and though I feel like I am starving and craving more food, I also feel better.  Like my insides feel better.  

I hate that I have to admit that.

I hate hearing people who are active and eat "clean" say:  "Oh I feel so  much better..."

Listen. Let me tell you something.
 If the warm buttery goodness of a delicious dinner roll doesn't make you feel good about your life, then you are eating the wrong buttered rolls.

The truth, at least for me, is that I need to stop literally stuffing my emotions with Papa John's and face it-what ever it is.

So me and bread are on a break.

I have hopes that we can reconcile and be in a healthy relationship with each other again...but for now.. it's time to choose health.

(and I hate it.  I hate being a grown up-but I want to be a grown up a little longer.. I still have a lot to do.)

Until then, Ill be here, doing the hard work-starving.

Stay tuned.


currently listening to: ALL ABOUT THAT BASS

Restless Heart Syndrome

When I was pregnant with Cassity, I began experiencing a feeling as if my legs were trapped.  As it turned out, I was experiencing Restless Leg Syndrome . 

The only way I can explain it is when I was a kid and taking gymnastics, there was this "pit" of foam blocks that we could jump into for fun.  Once, I got trapped.  The pit was probably 6 feet deep and filled to the rim with foam and some how my legs got trapped so far down that I couldn't move.

I can remember feeling panicked and trapped.  It really felt like the walls were beginning to cave in on me.  If I could just move my legs I would be fine!

Back then, my RLS ususally came out of nowhere-but when it came, it usually came while I was in the car.

I can remember riding home one night from Adam's parents and making him pull over so that I could get out and pace until the trapped feeling that I was experiencing was gone.

Now a days, I experience RLS when I am the most tired and lay down to go to bed. 

I know, it makes no sense.

So I get up and pace back and forth and it goes away, and back to bed I go.

In the last few years, it has felt like I have had restless heart syndrome.

God has planted this unrest in my heart and has given me very little guidance outside of it.  I am antsy to get to work.  I want to do every thing.  I want to volunteer in every thing.  I want start programs and new ministries and dream about what could be.  I do not want to be a generation that missed it's opportunity!

I am restless.

I feel trapped by my circumstances.

I try to pace.  I try to stay busy and I also try to rest.  I try to tell myself that maybe if I would just be still, that God would reveal to me what this is all about.

My heart seems steady but the direction seems blurry.

I am trying to keep my hands open with a posture of trust...I don't need to be in charge. (At least that is what I am telling myself.)

I know that God has called me to something.. I just don't see it yet.

So I wait.

Do you ever have those times in your life?  When you just don't know what God is going to do with you? 

How do you wait?  I'd love to hear from you!

Currently Listening to: We are

Christmas in OCTOBER: Give Back

I am always trying to think of creative and meaningful gifts to give friends and teachers.  Here are some of my favorites!

T.A.P.P.
Tumaini Aids Prevention Program
Facebook
Etsy Shop












Daydream Necklace Charity: Silver Lining Cloud


Chains of Grace (on Etsy)




These guys live in my community.  Over the summer, their mother was killed tragically in a domestic violence incident that ended in a murder/suicide.  It is heartbreaking.  In an instant, these boys were orphans and their sweet Aunt Colleen and her husband are in the process of moving here from St. Louis and adopting them!  Colleen has a printing business, and to honor her sister Shannon, she has made a shirt for purchase that proceeds will go to Shannon's sons future.

I understand the love of a sister and my heart is warmed by how much good is cooing from this devastating situation.

Mama Said Tees
Shannon Smiles



I love gifts that give back, it is a beautiful thought that the proceeds of our gifts go to good and noble cause.



Currently Listening to: Grown Up Christmas List

CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER: KidStuff

My kids have enough toys.  Luckily 2 out of the 3 of them are not interested in toys anymore.

Luckily?

I am sure I will regret saying luckily s o m e d a y when they are grown up-but today, I say luckily.

I am sick of my house looking like "Kinder Primrose Children's Hut"


Here are some Kids Stuff that I like:



Naartjie

When I visit Atlanta, I LOVE going to the Naartjie store at the Mall of Georgia.  I always load up for our daughter Ryleigh (age 5).  Last week, I discovered my Naartjie is going out of business NATION WIDE.  I am heart broken!  I bought Ry the very outfit that is pictured above!  You can still order online and I urge you to!   It's a great company and I love it!


Naartjie was founded in 1989 in Cape Town, South Africa when designer Anne Eales decided she wanted an alternative to the basics dominated children's clothing brands that were available to her as she shopped for her three young boys. The Naartjie brand that she created is a successful synthesis of several design elements that make it distinctive, inspirational and very popular.
From its inception, Naartjie has been a product focused company that generated new customers primarily through concentrating on its unique assortment and design elements. It quickly attracted an international following, including members of Great Britain's Royal Family and today receives business from loyal customers around the world including Africa, Europe, the Middle East, Asia and North America.
Naartjie South Africa and the worldwide rights to the brand were purchased in 2001 by Naartjie USA creating an International company and brand. Our first USA store was opened in Santa Clara, California in the Valley Fair Mall in March of 2001. Today Naartjie's corporate headquarters are located in Salt Lake City, Utah with merchandising headquartered in Burlingame, California and the Naartjie Design Studios and South African retail operations in Cape Town, South Africa. Currently we own and operate stores in both the United States and South Africa... with franchised retail stores in the Middle East. In addition to our retail stores, we have a rapidly expanding e-commerce business serving customers in over 30 countries worldwide.


Gift of Memberships
There are times when I wish our gamily has memberships to the Zoo or Children's Museum.
Or even the local YMCA.

Those are larger scale gifts, obviously!  But if your kids and/or grandkids  are like mine have enough toys and STILL complain that they are bored.. this would be a great gift to consider!

Maybe it's not a fun gift to wrap-but it truly is the gift that keeps on giving the whole year, Clark.

GAMES!


HedBanz










Story Cubes

My Favorite Books for Kids:




The Day The Crayons Quit

Wonder




In honor of Childhood Christmas:
I'll be Home For Christmas by Amy Grant