Lots of people have a bucket list. You know, the list of things you want to do before you die...or before you turn a certain age?
I have decided it would be more entertaining to make a bucket list of things that you will NEVER do.
So I decided to start my list, and I challenge YOU to do this... it's actually not that easy. You start second guessing yourself, thinking: "Maybe I will, actually, do a triathlon!?!?!" #nope
Here goes:
1. Participate in a triathlon. I'm to lazy. That is all. 2. Read Moby Dick. Nope, I have terrible reading comprehension and not enough patience to listen to it on audiobook. 3. Eat sushi. No Thanks. 4. Personally own a truck. I don't think they are girly-but they are super practical! I'm just a girly girl. 5. Climb a mountain. Again, too lazy and just plain don't want to. 6. Own a boat. I like boats. I just don't know enough about them or care to. 7. Mountain Bike. I mean, I would ride a mountain bike out to my mailbox and back, but have no desire to take a bike off road. 8. Give Birth to another child. Done and Done. 9. Live on a farm. Nope, I have a general dislike for animals, and again, I am to lazy. 10. Plant a garden. I am not disciplined enough. #lazy 11. Scuba Dive. I don't know why, but the thought of seeing everything swimming around me freaks me out. I like to see what I am swimming in. #pool 12. Star in a movie. Let's be real, it ain't happening. 13. Play a recreational sport. I am not competitive. I feel bad for the team that loses, even if it's not MY team. 14. Enjoy cooking. I don't like the clean up. Actually, I hate the clean up. 15. Solve for Y. Nope, never could do it and never will.
In summary, I am lazy.
What about you? What are some things you know that you will NEVER do?
There is a big difference in a Leader and a Manager.
There. I said it.
Neither are more important than another-each have a very important role!
A Leader charts the course-they are at their best when they are looking ahead and can see what is there.
A Manager steers the ship-they are into the details, they are at their best when they are getting things done.
In leadership, it is so important to realize what you are good at and what you are not so good at.
John Maxwell says:
"A leader is someone who surrounds themselves with people who are smarter than they are and gets out of their way!"
Just because a leader knows the direction the ship needs to go doesn't mean they know anything about steering a ship!
Leaders need to know when they are unequipped to do something and then find someone to help who is!
The truth is, EVEN if a leader could chart the coarse AND steer the ship, they couldn't do both at the same time. Someone has to work ON the route and someone needs to work IN it.
A good leader understands how to ride the waves of knowing when to get out of the way and when to throw someone a life preserver.
No micromanaging!
(Side note from my soap box: if you are a leader and you HAVE to micromanage someone on your team, then you have either: A. made the wrong hire. Sorry- but it's true. Hire HIGHLY CAPABLE people. Do not settle. OR....B. you are a control freak and nobody likes to work with you. Truth hurts.)
Here are some questions that I believe a leader should ask their managers every single year. (Thanks for asking...) #wink
(6 months out) Brainstorm -What is our mission and how are pointing people to it? -What is working well? -What is working BUT could work better? -What is not working and needs to "die" so that we can do the good stuff BETTER? -How can I help?
BIG IDEA: What is the ONE thing that we want people to take away from us this year?
(4 months out) Dream -What do you wish we could do? -What is keeping us from doing it? -What do you wish you could ask me about our organization? -What do you wish I would ask you about the organization? -What are you learning about yourself? How are you liking your job? -Where do you see yourself in 5 years? -How can I help?
BIG IDEA: How do you want your team to grow together and feel about being part of the team at the end of the year?
(2 months out) Goals-What systems/programs are returning next year and how will they work better? -Who is on your team? -How will you achieve your goal? -How will YOU grow yourself? -How will you connect with your team? How do you say "THANK YOU?" -What is your budget and how do you plan to use it? -Have you set dates for any events or programming for next year? -How can I help?
BIG IDEA: What is your strategy? How are you gonna pull off your goal?
VISION DAY! Cast vision to the rest of the staff and/or board with what your ONE main goal and strategy is for the new year. Negotiate dates and spaces for events that overlap on the calendar. Discuss as a staff how we can support each other as a united team.
Question: I think leaders have to be good followers-kind of like the show "The Undercover Boss" where the boss sees what it is like to work for Him. What kind of follower are you? What is it like to work for you?
I don't know about you but I spend a ton of time dreaming about MORE, which I am realizing means I am not content with what I HAVE.
(This is not to sound preachy... at all.)
I love MORE MORE MORE! I am the most guilty!
Is it me, or does it feel like the MORE _____________ you get, the MORE complicated life gets.
I think this is true for everything.
When I worked for church, I thought the more classes, more events, more outings, more volunteers, and more people that we had, the better our ministries would be.
What I learned was we burned out.
We did too much.
In doing too much, we didn't do a whole lot of anything with excellence, we just did it half way-for the sake of doing it.
I was tired, my team was tired, and we didn't have the energy to do anything anymore.
I spent a lot of time talking about how PRO FAMILY I was-and the church was, but everything we did cancelled out what we said and made it seem we were actually ANTI FAMILY.
The more programming and events we offered, the more people it took to pull it off, the people (the families) who worked so hard for us, never had a chance to be home together.
We were stretching them thin, rushing their time for dinner, for homework, time to just be in the same room together.
You can fill in the blanks of what MORE has done in your own professional and personal life.
I imagine a merry go round, spinning around and around, faster and faster, then realizing that it's going too fast and you are feeling "woozy." It's hard to get the merry go round to stop, there has been too much force and momentum building up to where you find yourself. There are other people involved! They might be enjoying the ride and you feel bad about wanting them to stop-so you can get off!
Sure! You can stay on the ride... but you will end up puking all over your friends and who wants to clean that mess up? I would rather make some people mad, than have them clean up my mess.
Simplify. Do just ONE thing (THE MOST IMPORTANT THING) with excellence, then add something else.
TIP:
Ask yourself what the most important thing in your life is and quit everything else until you are doing that one thing with excellence.
I recently decided to do this. For the last 6 months I have stepped away from everything on my calendar. I am not committed to doing anything. My life has been a big ball of clutter and it was wearing me down. I has not been easy-in fact it has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I am a YES person. I never say NO. .........and that finally caught up to me.
I can tell you that my time looks differently and that I am finally finding time do things that I love again.
Sometimes, you just gotta rebuild yourself.
There was a book mark I had when I was in middle school that said
"THE MAIN THING IS TO KEEP THE MAIN THING, THE MAIN THING."
What is it for you?
Maybe it's your health.
So drop everything that is cluttering up your ability to focus on diet and exercise, so that you can focus on it!
Maybe it's your time-maybe you feel like your calendar is running your life.
So cancel appointments, quit signing up for things, get yourself in control of your time, THEN add to
it.
I come from a long line of women who love the challenge of putting puzzles together. My grandma LOVES the challenge of a puzzle. My mom and my sister also enjoy putting together puzzles.
(Fun Fact: My sister even whistles while she puts a puzzle together.)
Somehow, this puzzle gene has skipped me. I have never had the patience for it.
They can do this for hours....HOURS! Not me, I say, pass me something less quiet, a bag of chips and something with an "easy button!"
I hate challenges and waiting.
A few days ago, my daughter was putting together a puzzle and as I was desperately trying to stay in the moment with her and focus on finding the piece that had Doc McStuffin's ponytail-I had a life revelation!
Maybe life is kind of like a puzzle?
I can remember the summer before I moved away for college, thinking about who I wanted to become. It was a fresh start for me, I wasn't carrying around anyone else's expectations or misconceptions of me anymore! Nobody knew this small town girl! Nobody knew who my parents were, or who my grandparents were. Nobody on that Indiana campus knew what I did in High School or who I went to Prom with.
In fact, I am pretty sure that they could have cared less.
Nobody had expectations for me.
At the age of 19, I had a golden opportunity to recreate myself. Up until then, my parents had helped me put those big life pieces of my life's puzzle in place.
The new sense of freedom was overwhelming. My parents were no longer watching over me and expecting me back home at a decent hour. Teachers did not hold me accountable for going to class or doing my homework and it was now my responsibility to make major life decisions for myself.
It was my turn to put the pieces of my life together all by myself.
Part of me loved the independence! The other part of me was paralyzed and I had no idea where to begin.
Just like starting a puzzle, It's hard to know where to begin!
It wasn't that I was scared, it was that the weight of each decision I made was going to be a pivotal piece of the "Adult Leslie Size" puzzle that I was trying to put together. It felt like each move had a specific place and shape.
The lessons I have learned have shaped me.
The lessons continue to shape me.
Something that I hope I always keep in mind is that this puzzle isn't finished. God created the puzzle, then handed us all the pieces to go through life putting them in just the right place.
Just like a puzzle, some shapes are easy to place and others are difficult.
We can't give up because it gets too hard or too tricky, but instead, we can ask for help! Help from those around us who love us, we can pray and trust that we are not alone-that God is never surprised by our difficulties in finding where each piece of the puzzle fits. Why? Because God knows what the end picture looks like.
That's the beauty of the puzzle.
Puzzles are less difficult when done TOGETHER!
We teach the kids that DETERMINATION is deciding it is worth it to finish what you started.
God gave us this great puzzle called life and at the end of it, hopefully we stand back and say, "It's done! .....and it was worth it!"
Each shape represents our victories and our defeats-but in the end the bigger picture will be clear.
Life is not about knowing all the answers, but rather, its about the discovery of the right fit for each piece of the puzzle.
Deep Thought Question:
At the end of your life, what will your life's picture reveal? What are some of the pieces of your puzzle that are already in place? I wonder what pieces are still waiting to fit?
Have you ever noticed that if you pick up a handful of sand and squeeze it really tight it just pours right out? HOWEVER! If you scoop up the sand and cup it in your opened hand-it stays...
(...and yes, in my picture, it is sugar. I live in Indiana, people! Who do you think I am? Jimmy Buffett? ) Anyway. I think the same goes for the people in our life. If we try to hold on too tight, they can slip away. Our intentions are to protect the ones we love by being over protective, and maybe a little over possessive, because we love them so much and don't want to lose them.
The truth is, nobody wants to be smothered or controlled and what we truly fear, ends up happening as our loved ones flee from our tight grip.
We want to be in relationships with people who trust us and give us the freedom to fly and support us even when we strike out. When we give the people in our lives the freedom to fly, they will feel respected and valued and they will return to us again and again and again.
This is not a revolutionary thought, but paints a very accurate picture of what it means to "catch and release." We all can think relationships in our lives where we might have held on too tightly. We did so out of fear, but lost in the long run. Maybe it was with a friend, a child, a parent, a sibling, or a spouse...our intentions were pure, but we held on too tight out of fear. Fear of losing them, fear of NOT being in control of them and pushed them away.
Dr. Phil says: "what we fear, we create."
I think he is right.
The things that we usually fear most in our lives end up coming true because we are so busy focusing on the fear-than actually enjoying the time we have.
We all want to be loved but we also want freedom to grow and to breath. Maybe it's time we let go. Maybe we need to open up our hands and let the people in our lives take a breath! Trust them! Trust God. Let's practice!
PHASE 4: Finding Your Tribes (I am trying to keep this general and not so personal or specific to my life so bare with me!)
This chapter is all about following where God is leading you even if you can't see what is ahead! Like at all.
Jen talks about how leaving SOMETHING for ...NOTHING (yet) wont make sense to you or to anyone else...
In her case, they left their church jobs on complete faith that God was going to show up. There was no other job lined up, no plans, just trust.
She goes on to write about how God showed up-BIG by answering some of their big WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY questions..
But what I see as the biggest talk point here is the idea of trusting God with EVERYTHING. We tell the kids that Faith is believing in what you CAN'T see because of what you CAN.
What we can see is the passion that God has set on fire in our hearts for _______________________(fill in the blank here-nobody's will be the same)
I am reminded of a season in my life when I had to make a difficult decision. My biggest fear was losing my friends-my community, if I decided to go...Without sounding too much like a Steven Curtis Chapman song-God was asking me to abandon it all ..for the sake of His call.
I took that step in faith... and it turned out brutally painful. Relationships were broken (and remain so to this day) After I left my position, I listened to an audiobook by Dr. Henry Cloud called NECESSARY ENDINGS... I was struggling and second guessing my decision and heartbroken over the loss of my closest friends.
I have grown up watching The Today Show. I remember Jane Pauley, Bryant Gumble, Matt Lauer, Katie Couric, Ann Curry, Willard Scott, Al Roker, and the whole he-haw gang that have followed.
Over the last year, I have been watching how The Today Show has been transforming how they do the news. It is my understanding that ratings have been down and they are trying some new approaches to grow their audience.
I have noticed these 3 things.
1. ENVIRONMENT. They changed the entire set- what use to be a more library feel,is now a modern and colorful stage, with several elements. The big window, where fans stand out and wave at people back home. The new "Orange Room" that is made especially to catch up on social media buzz with one time time host of MTV's TRL (Total Request Live) Carson Daly.
2. AUTHENTICITY/CONNECTION. The broadcasters engage with each other, with the viewing audience, and with the crowd outside differently than they have in the past. I have noticed that everyone seems to be less uptight and rehearsed. Each person on the show seems to have a refreshing authenticity about them. Each, having their own personality and style. They seem like real life people instead of robotic talking heads. They laugh! They are willing to do things that they aren't comfortable doing- they talk about their personal lives such as weddings, marriage, parenting, pregnancy, childhood memories, personal experiences that we, the viewer can relate with!
I trust them more knowing that they are everyday people like you and I.
3. FIRST IMPRESSION. Listen, as I type this, I am wearing a sweatshirt that has survived at least 2 of my pregnancies. Its old, stretched out and ugly. I have no reason to judge how anyone dresses, but I can tell you that, I will connect to someone wearing fashionable trendy clothing over someone wearing a suit.
Every single time.
As church leaders of the next generation, there is something that we can learn from watching how The Today Show is rebranding. They are trying to reach a new generation. They see that our generation has razor sharp "fake indicators." We are craving authenticity. We want to learn and grow from hearing other's stories. We want to know that we are all just people and none of us actually know what we are doing.
Researchers show that somewhere between 60-80% of my generation has left the church.
I believe it.
....and I love the church.
We/they left because we/they are sick and tired of legalism and fake people. This generation sees that the church is swarming with those kind of people.
The church is losing their audience.
But, hey! I think there is good news! Aren't WE the church? The church isn't a building-the church is people!
Buildings can't make changes and pick up their crosses and carry it with them daily! Buildings can't be the hands and feet of Jesus...but people can!
Can we make church a place where un churched people like to come to?
Is it worth it? (the answer is yes.)
It is not about our personal preference. It's about our hands and feet reaching out to those who haven't heard, haven't seen, haven't tasted the good news of Jesus!
To those of us who are already followers of Jesus: it's our responsibility to grow OURSELVES. Jesus didn't say "Hey, those of you that are in this with me, all you need to do is go to church on Sunday, sing songs that you prefer, drink coffee, eat cookies, dress up and only hang out with other Christians. It will be like a fun social club! Oh! ...and make people who don't believe in me, feel really uncomfortable when they visit your church. Your only job is to be comfortable until you die."
Instead he said GO! GO tell people! He even showed us how! Jesus never sat around and waited for people to come to him, Jesus went to them! Jesus knew that people connect best with stories and so he told them RELEVANT stories that they could relate to.
If He were here today, I believe Jesus would take a look around the community that he was in, and figure out the best way to relate to those people-then he would do it.
How do we do that? Well, it's not going to be by the way we did in the past.
(Insert the definition of insanity here.)
I think that we start by removing our preferences and creating a place that is not intimidating and doesn't feel like a funeral home.
Lastly, the one thing I notice the most about The Today Show transformation is that their message is still the same. They are still giving us the news... they have just packaged it differently.
We need to carry the next generation on our shoulders and cheer them on! Make banners that say
"GO do whatever you need to do to tell others about Jesus! We support you!"
Today I am going to see a friend of mine who happens to be a dentist about getting my teeth fixed once and for all!
You see, I have had this space between my teeth since my two front teeth grew in as a baby. I have had surgical procedures, braces, and even had the gap "filled" in and it just keeps finding it's way to the surface.
The usual response that I get from my sweet family and friends goes something like this: "I don't even notice it"
"I can't imagine you without it.."
"It gives you character.."
"I think it's cute!"
The thing is, I see it. I see it in every single picture I take-I see it every day when I brush my teeth.
It bugs me.
I don't hate it. It doesn't make me feel insecure. It just bugs me.
I love you Michael Strahan...but.... no.
This is not a campaign about loving your imperfections.... please do not report me to DOVE's campaign for real beauty, because the gap between my teeth is the least of my imperfections!
I just think... I am 33 years old... I have battled it in every way I know how...I think it's just time to do it...
If I can find the money, Veneers are in my future.
There is an age old proverb about self awareness that goes:
We have all known someone that refuses to see their actions as wrong or selfish-at least in the moment. It is as if the world really does revolve around them-it's their world and we are just living in it. I think it is safer to play the victim than be guilty of acting a fool. Being the victim to life's circumstances is like laying on the couch in your sweats, wrapped in a warm blanket, watching football. It's oh so comfortable .....I can almost smell the chilli cookin' on the stove. Speaking of football, Graham Gano, Kicker for the North Carolina Panthers, wanted to show us all what it is it like to be an entitled victim during his warm up time a couple of weeks ago:
(For those of you reading from your phone and can not see this video click HERE )
Thanks, Graham. Got it.
Wonder what Graham was thinking as he took the field to warm up? I know what he was thinking, because I have had similar thoughts in my own life's circumstances:
"They are in my way! I have to warm up! This is MINE! I never get to __________ because _________________. ME! ME! ME! I! I! I!"
His own voice was so loud in his head that he could not see anything else around him. (Or, in his case, he couldn't hear the trombone that was literally playing in his ear.)
I wonder how many times, I have done this in my own life? How many times I have been so fed up with my circumstances, that I could not see what was happening on the field because I was blinded by my own intentions?
How many times have I shoved a trombone player out of my way so that I could, once and for all, have my own well deserved moment on the field?
Chances are, after seeing it played over and over and over on national television, this guy is humiliated. He may never live this one down. Lucky for us, we are not public figures and we do not have to live the agony of late night talk show hosts making fun of our moments of self indulgence and temper tantrums. I have been Graham Gano many, many times in my day and can not promise that I won't again.. but I can promise that I will always try to see my self and how my actions will reflect who I say I am.
Do my actions match my words ..or do they scream: "YOU OWE ME!"
I hope that I can live a life that proves that I am not who I was.
13 years ago TODAY, Adam surprised me, by showing up to the daycare that I was working at, handed a pink rose to every 2 year old in my class and asked me to marry him....
I was 21 and he was 23. Infants.
I have been thinking about the things that every young bride should know about before she gets engaged...especially since my daughters are obsessed with The 19 Kids and Counting, Duggar Daughters and their talk about Courtship and I was obsessed with the recent reality series "Married at First Sight" I decided here has to be a happy medium between all that and what I consider "normal."
Here are just a few (some serious and some sarcastic funny) legit pointers off the top of my head (in no particular order)
1. Stop rushing. Stop it. I mean it... What on earth is your hurry!?!?! Go get an apartment and live by yourself for at least a year! Decorate it as girly as you want! 2. If you have it in your head that your marriage will look like a television show couple, I have a couple of suggestions : * Stop. You are not ready for marriage. I mean this in the kindest way-You are delusional. Go be young! Revisit marriage in a few more years. Those people are fictional characters who have people who literally write the words that come out of their mouths, do their hair and makeup, and you need to spend time in a real life situation.
3. Make a monthly budget, then, each of you write out how you would spend the money-then compare them. -What are the biggest differences in your priorities? Talk amongst yourselves.
4. Move furniture together. My new husband insisted on solving the Pythagorean Theorem to decide if we should move our bed to the corner of the bedroom.
I just blinked. Who was this nerd I traded my last name for?
5. How your guy treats his mother and sister is a good indication of how he will eventually treat you (and your future daughter/s)
Take notice.
6. In general, he should do everything you ask (with enthusiasm).
This will come in handy for pregnancy cravings and monthly sweet/salty needs-mostly.
This also includes (but not limited to)
- diet coke fountain drinks - feminine hygiene products - diapers - baby formula - printer ink - pickles and chips - cake - Starbucks - batteries - peanuts and candy corn - prescription and over the counter meds.
7. Once a week, sit down and compare calendars. It sounds very "business-like" but it's necessary. Practice doing life together. See if your priorities match up.
8. Watch carefully how he interacts with babies and small children! This one is a biggie! It will make or break you in the middle of the night when your newborn has colic or your 2 year old has barfed all over your bed.
It's 2014, people! Dad's should be able to do anything and everything a mom can do!
I know if I dropped dead today, my husband would know exactly what to do with our kids.
Other than fix the girl's hair. He sucks at that.
9. How do they interact with YOUR family?
10. How do they interact with your friends?
11. How do they encourage you to have your own hobbies?
12. What kind of fighter are they?
-passive? -angry? -shut down? -fair?
13. What bad habits do they have that you think will change when you get married?
Stop. Go to counseling right now. 14. Practice talking. Be specific.
Tell him exactly what you mean by details. "Fine" "Yes" "Good" "No" or any other 1 word answers are not good enough.
As a general rule of thumb, most men do not know that when you ask "How was it?" that you are really asking:
-Who was there -What were they wearing -Who looked the best -Who looked the worst -Who said what -Did you see anyone that I know -What did you say -What did they say -Did they talk about me -What did you eat -What did they eat -How were the bathrooms
You know... just stuff like that.
15. Do you generally like to be around them? Like, how is your actual friendship status? I can tell you that this one will make or break you...
There will be a time, sooner than later, when you will look into the eyes of the father of your children and wonder how you could possibly murder him and not get caught...and it will be your friendship that saves him.
That, and the thought of the narrator of SNAPPED telling your story on Oxygen. 16. And finally, before you think that the romance is dead and the "honeymoon" is over...remember:
Romance is changing the gauze from a Csection because your wife can't see over her post pregnancy flab. It's going to Kroger to get sweets at 10pm because she has a sweet tooth. It's jumping in and subbing in any given kids ministry class when your wife is the kids pastor and has no other option. It's never complaining when she needs out of the house and away from the children. It's doing the dishes every night because you know she absolutely hates it. It's never opening your mouth when your wife's side of the room is an explosion of clothes and you wonder if she will ever pick it up. Marriage is straight up hard... you will want to give up... MANY times. Brides magazine will not tell you any of this, because they want you to think that your wedding is just the start of a magical fairy tale life with Prince Charming.
While you are dreaming of all that... might I encourage you to plan harder for the marriage!?
Now go! Be young and naive! None of this pertains to you! You and your new husband WILL be the ones that always have a super clean house, a bank full of money, kids that are born potty trained and never cry. Breakfast will always be in bed, and dishes will never be dirty, while fresh baked pies will always be cooling in your window. Vacations will be endless and you will wake up in the morning with minty fresh breath, a full face of make up and not a hair out of place.
I can remember laying in my bed, in my college apartment, watching as my roommates were getting ready for class when the phone rang and it was my mom telling me that there had been a plane crash into the World Trade Center. The first thing I thought was that it must have been an accident. I imagined something must have gone wrong with the plane!
As I was on the phone, I told my roommates to go turn on our tiny 13 inch television in the living room so that we could watch the news, when a second airplane hit the second tower!
Our country was under an attack.
In that very moment, for the three of us 20 year old girls standing in an apartment in Indiana and for the rest of the entire world,
things would never be the same.
13 years have flashed before our eyes. I look at my children (ages 10,8, and 5) and realize that they do not know a life without terrorism and war. Our kids do not know what it is like to live without Homeland Security.
It's always a humbling feeling to explain to a child what happened on September 11, 2001. I imagine, as a child, it must feel the same way it feels when I hear about President Kennedy being assassinated, I wasn't born, but the people who were, remember exactly where they were and what they were doing.
We can't understand the logistics.
Why are we hated so much?
In the eyes of a child, it's even harder to imagine the hatred that is aimed toward us.
"Maybe, if they knew our family, maybe they would like America!?" said one of my kids.
The answer is, we don't know why the hatred for us has boiled over for them!
What we can know is that our God is bigger than terrorism, bigger than war, bigger than hate, bigger than violence and threats.
We can trust that God is compassionate and grieves with us. God is a peaceful God and a God that comforts.
We can have faith, we can have hope and we can have love... and I think that they are stronger than any terrorist group. As parents, we don't have to have the answers, when we can point our children to God and direct their hearts to a trusting relationship with Him!
"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love." 1 Corinthians 13:12-13 The Message Version
This month, my friends at 252 Basics are talking about RESPONSIBILITY! We are lucky enough to attend a church that partners with ORANGE, which means The Galema Kids are talking about RESPONSIBILITY at church and home!
Sometimes I truly believe I am raising the most lazy human beings on the face of this planet. To protect the guilty, I will leave names unmentioned, but I have one child who likes to hide their trash under our couch, one that never seems to flush the toilet and another that will sit on top of a pile of freshly folded laundry rather than actually take it to their room and put it away.
Those are the moments are when I feel like I am failing them.
I imagine that they will be starring in an episode of "HOARDERS: Buried Alive" in 15 years with their 64 cats, 22 birds, while collecting a 52 pound ball of dog hair that they are somehow emotionally attached to-blaming me for their lack of responsibility.
Now that my kids are school aged, I am seeing that more than ever, it is our responsibility to teach them to be adults. As much as I want to clean up after them, I know that I will not follow them to college and cleaning their dorm rooms. I also have to be willing to let them do it their way.
I am usually having an inner conversation with myself about choosing my battles.
"What is the point, Leslie? That they clean their rooms or that they clean their rooms YOUR WAY?"
I also know that my kids are watching me. I can tell them to clean their rooms, flush the toilet, throw away their trash, and put away their clothes-but if I don't do what I am responsible for, then they can't hear my words because my actions are so loud, they can't hear what I say.
Responsibility is showing you can be trusted with what is expected of you.
This parenting thing is not for the weary! (Although I am weary 65% of the time!)
Teaching our children responsibility starts with us.
In a couple of weeks, my High School Cheerleading Squad will be holding an Alumni Fundraiser and they are asking that all past cheerleaders send in pictures and memories of when they were cheered.
As I was collecting old pictures from my cheerleading days, my heart was filled with great memories. I was reminded of the Brad Paisley song called "Letter to Me" and I thought it might be fun to write a letter to me...at seventeen.
Letter to Me (The Leslie Edition) Um. First of all, you are not fat or ugly. Stop it, stop it right now! You have nothing to prove to anyone at all. Why should you!? YOU ARE 17!!!!! Do you realize how stinkin' easy your life is right now? Your parents pay for everything! You have a job and spend your pay check on hair products and cute tops!
Please do me a huge favor and just laugh and be a kid-I will thank you later. Dang! Aren't all those Rowan County boys cute!? You sure will kiss a lot of those sweet faces but... they aren't the one. You won't meet "him" til college. 17 year old boys are super cute but their attention doesn't determine your worth....although.. I understand that it does help sometimes. Stop focusing on it so much.
(ps: Between you and me- they all grow up, lose their hair and gain weight...and so do you. Looks are nowhere near important.)
Go learn to play an instrument-maybe something fancy like the cello. Read more books-and might I suggest books on tape-it really helps with our comprehension issue.
Take initiative with your school work. Look, we know we aren't rocket scientists and that is not the point. Talk to your teachers-they are not scary! They are actually real life human beings that like you and want you to succeed. Go talk to them! Ask for help-they crave it! Get this-they once had a burning passion in their hearts for students to ask for their help... they are tired and often wonder what they were thinking when they wanted to be a teacher... restore their hope and ask for help!
Oh my gosh, Leslie.....this is a big one! You won't believe it until you see it... the internet.
I just. I can't explain it... just be ready.
Write this one down: Nothing that you do in High School to be popular makes one lick of difference the exact minute you walk across the stage with your diploma. You will never-ever, not once, see anyone wearing their High School letter-man jacket to college. Like, for real.
Practice playing second fiddle. This is a life lesson we may never learn, but try to give others all the credit! Help others. Just help them. Smile and say hi to people you don't know. Invite people that you don't know to sit with you at lunch and stick up for those who are being picked on. You may think that by not saying anything-you are innocent..but your silence makes you just as guilty.
Do not get wrapped up in drama. It's stupid and embarrassing. Don't.
Hug Holley Russell-tight.
Verbally say thank you to Tammy Nielson, Matt and Heather Bays, Eddie Lundergan, Kris Alderman, Roberta Early, and Alice Payton-- what they have done for you, has made a difference. You are becoming a better person because of their influence.
Spend more time with your siblings. Invite them into your life-show them what being a teenager looks like and give them advice! They are watching you and even if she refuses to do anything you say, your sister is actually listening...she is just strong willed. Keep laughing at your brother...he is slightly irritating but...get this.. you name your son after him and he turns out just like him!
Lastly, mom and dad are uber strict for a reason. Yeah- it's not cool but it's not supposed to be. Let's face it, we are in bed at dark-what do we need a curfew for anyway!? Listen to everything mom and dad say -it's okay to roll your eyes, they don't expect you to agree..the most hilarious thing about it is, in a matter of years, your mouth will open and everything they said will come out !
You are doing great-you have great friends and wonderful people around you. They are shaping you! The awesome news is...I have been to the future...and I can tell you, your best days are ahead of you!
As I have grown up, I have wanted to be known for so many different things, these are just a few that have evolved in my heart over the last 20 years:
A cheerleader.. Pretty... Thin.. Popular... Graduate... College Student... Dating.. Bride.. Married... Pregnant... Mom.... Pastor.. Leader... Helper.. Writer... Creative.. Smart... Successful.. Jesus Follower..
We all want to be best known for something we have done or can do! In this chapter, Jen writes about how putting the action into what God is calling you to do, often means losing our ego in service to someone or a whole host of people.
On page 204 she writes:
I don't want to be known for a great brand.
I don't want to be admired for a great campus.
I don't want to be recognized for a great marketing campaign.
I don't want to be praised for great programming.
I don't want to be applauded for great theology and scholarship.
I want the church to be great because we fed hungry mommas and their babies. I'd like to be great becayse we battled poverty with not just our money but our hands and hearts. I desire the greatness that cones from seeking only mercy but justice for those caught in a system with trapdoors. I hope to be part of a freat movement of the Holy Spirit, who injects supernatural wind and fire into His mission.
My version of great will come with others scratching their heads and saying: "Wow, you live a really different life."
For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest. Luke 9:48
I think that we all talk a pretty fantastic game, we all want to lose ourselves in service to others! I truly believe that it is in all of us, to want to help one another.
It's not always easy to serve others, when it might mean that we, oursleves have to sacrifice something to do so.
Maybe it's money? Maybe it's our title? Maybe it is recognition?
Those are my three.
I don't like the idea that I would work my tail off on something and not get anything in return.
I am not proud of that-and I almost deleted that entire sentence.
....but its true.
I am claiming it.
God calls us to serve- not to serve and be praised!
My ego needs to take a big fat hike.
How About YOU? What is it for you? What keeps you from a life of serving and not being served?
