In 4th grade, I was in the checkout line at Kroger with my mom and I spotted a BRIDES magazine on the shelf by the counter. I picked it up and started scanning through every page and my mom asked me if I wanted to buy it! I was so excited! The entire car ride home, I studied every ruffle, frill, and lace pattern! I loved the colors of the Bridesmaids dresses and dreamed about what color I would choose if I were a Bride and who I would want to be my bridesmaids! I loved dreaming about weddings! This continued through my teenage years! I collected so many Brides magazines that they began to take up too much space in my room. My mom suggested that I cut out my favorite things from each magazine and put them in a folder! When my friends would come over to spend the night, I would pull out my Wedding Binder and we would study it and dream of our weddings someday.
In 6th grade, (1993) I was sitting at my kitchen table rolling my hair with Caruso HairSetters when my little brother knocked over the steamer and the water poured all over my bare arm.
As you can imagine- I reacted!
I ran to the kitchen sink and turned the cold water on and stuck my arm under it as fast I could.
When we feel pain-we react fast to do what we can to make that pain go away.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately.. we are wired reactors. We are made to react.
I have been watching Billy Graham’s funeral here and there as I do laundry and do work... I was able to catch the part of the funeral when his children spoke about him.
Admittedly, I have heard stories about his daughter Ruth that didn’t always hold her in a good light...I had heard she was kind of the “black sheep” of the family...
There is a moment inside of all of our lives ....usually in our childhood that we decide what it is-or isn't that makes us worthy. I think I made that discovery around 1989 when I was 8.5 years old...
You see, this was the year that I started to realize that I was not "smart." I didn't make good grades...in fact, I made TERRIBLE grades. I hated school! It was boring! I would sit at my desk and draw or practice writing my name in cursive. I would day dream about anything that would come into my head... and I fell behind. I remember being in the remedial reading class...and doing the "walk of shame" every day out of the classroom and into a class where I would look around and measure my own worth by the kids in my group.
There is a great story in the Bible about a woman named Naomi who lost her husband and both of her sons in war. Naomi tries to get her daughters in law to go back to their hometowns to be with their families to start over. One daughter in law went back and the other, Ruth, refused to leave her mother in law. The Bible reads it like this:
But Ruth said, “Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!” Ruth 1: 16-17 The Message You can read more about it HERE
I think that when we are most sad or even depressed, we want to be alone. Isolating ourselves from everyone! We can't possibly believe anyone wants to hold on with you. You think: "Oh... they are too busy-I am fine!" Or "I don't want to burden them with my sadness." "I just want to be alone." The truth is, that God designed us for relationships-friendships! We were never supposed to do this life alone! Naomi didn't give up on Ruth! Ruth thought that she wasn't worth sticking with, and pushed Ruth away. Ruth fought for Naomi! Have you ever felt like this? Have you pushed people who have tried to "lock arms with you" because you truly believed that they couldn't possibly have it in them to stick with you? I have! Luckily I have amazing friends who fight for me! They check in! They love me well! They are my "Ruth." I wonder who YOUR "Ruth" is? In other words: "Who is your person?" If you don't have someone, I would encourage you to start seeking out friendships with people-the best way to combat loneliness is with a friend! How is that for Rocket Science?
From now on, no more alone time! Text your friends! Call them! Meet up for lunch!
Recently, I read an article about a teenage girl who was suspended from her high school for wearing a tank top to school. (Please don't get me wrong, I am pro tank top-it's hot outside and we should be able to dress accordingly.) What struck me about this girl was that she (and her parents) knew what the rules were and yet, she broke the rules and was offended that she had to pay the consequences. Parents! We have to stop believing that our kid's happiness is our top priority. They are kids! If there is a rule to follow, then it is our responsibility to teach our kids that the rules apply to them. No! They don't have to agree with the rule-but they do need to respect it. There are other ways to pursue change AND be respectful! If you don't like the rules then take action! Start a petition or go to a school board meeting and plead your case! As parents, we have to stop catering to our children's happiness and teach them to be adults. Life doesn't always go the way we want. If we don't prepare our children for adulthood, then the real world will be a very cruel place for them when they grow up. If they disrespect their boss-they will get fired. We have to remember that we are raising adults. We have to keep the END in mind! Who (not what) do you want your kids to grow up to be? Compassionate, Respectful, Responsible, Loving, Selfless, Friendly, Team Player, Encouraging, Loyal, Forgiving, and Wise? How do we teach them those things if we are constantly catering to their happiness?
As parents we are to serve as guides for our kids so that they are ready to launch into adulthood. THAT is our job-NOT catering to their happiness. Let's raise this generation to the be the best one yet!
You guys. I want to be in charge. I want to be the boss. I want to know what is next. I want to fix your problems and mine. I have trouble just listening to your "problems." I want to fix them. I know that you don't want me to. ...But why else would you be telling me? You obviously want me to fix your life. Duh. Where did I learn that? When did I start believing that I needed to be in control? What happened to me that I started to believe that God couldn't handle our stuff?
Are you like that? Are you a bossy pants like me? Do you know what else? I am impatient! I can't just wait on answer- I need it NOW! If something needs to be done then, for goodness sake, get. up. and do it. NOW! MOVE! Get in a hurry! GO! Are you starting to understand my relationship with God yet?
I think my ways are better than God's. I wouldn't just have a shirt made that said that... No! Of course not! I disguise it by sipping coffee and listening to Lauren Daigle with the stress level as a Jamaican bobsledder. NO PROBLEM. I can sure play the part....but on the inside I am nearly spastic, waiting on God to do what I want Him to do! You know what I am really scared of? If I am not holding on to the "wheel" of this life then I am gonna crash. Unlike Carrie Underwood, I can't easily give Jesus the wheel. That is scary! What if God doesn't do what I want him to? Then what? What if God doesn't give us what we want? What will happen to us? I had an amazing counselor who used to ask me "then what" questions about the things I was scared of. What if I get hurt? ....then what? What if I don't get the job? ....then what? What if they hate me? ...then what? The truth is that the answer to all of our "THEN WHAT" questions lead us to: "It will be ok. I will be ok." I am not saying I have this all figured out and I suspect this will be a life long struggle for my control freak nature...but I want to make every effort to let go and trust God.
Dear Younger Me, I have been watching your life from the front row seat and I fear that I have misguided you along the way. There have been times down this road called life when I wish I could rewind and go back to one of those big milestone moments and whisper in my younger ear: "remember this!" ....Or perhaps hit pause during those occasions when you meet the people in your life that end up being a wolf in sheep's clothing, and whisper: "this guy will break your heart -its not worth the risk!" ...or "this friend that you think you can trust is gonna let you down." ...or "hey slow down there is a cop ahead!" What I feel like I am learning, in the life I am in now is that, even if I could do that and protect you from every single hurt feeling, illness, bad decision, or broken relationship-I probably wouldn't be the exact person I am now. Much like it feels to watch a movie with someone who has already seen the ending, it would be annoying to have someone always trying to tell you what happens next when you all really want to do is learn for yourself! (Now that I think of it, isn't that what Mom and Dad are for? Aren't they the ones trying to steer us in a different direction than the road they have traveled? Dang it.)
Do you know what the truth is? You will always be learning! There is no moment in your life where you will have a magic key that unlocks all the world's wisdom unto you- with just one quick blow of the birthday candle. Life is risky! God is good! Safe? no! but good! One thing I would like for you to consider is that all the people you invite into your life-even the not so great ones are building you! You are the sum total of all those people and all those lessons they bring! Some people will come into your life and they will cheer for you and love you even when you are being a complete jerk. They love YOU-not the fake you, the trendy you, the you with the great hair, the fat you, the thin you, or the even the funny you. Those people are safe! Those are YOUR people! They love you-they get you! Hold on tight to them! Some people will wound you. They will use you and lie to you to get what they want. They will be prideful and hold you accountable for their own stuff... OR! Worse! You will do these things to others and they will not want you back in their lives. These folks might look like a friend, or a family member, a pastor, a boss, or mentor. You will feel so safe with them and then ....boom! You will learn some big lessons about trust and who you can be yourself around by the way these people treat you and more importantly you will learn the power of grace and forgiveness. Try not to ever regret letting people in. Remember what they leave you with and grow like crazy. Dust yourself off and keep inviting people into your life! Ask for advice! Pray! Listen to what others say even when they don't say anything! Watch their actions! You are not and will not ever be perfect. Don't expect others to be either. Love people the best way you can. Forgive and laugh as much as you can! Do not take yourself so seriously. Don't define yourself by the things on earth! Define yourself by what God says about you! You are Holy.. You are one of the redeemed.... Set a part-a brand new heart! You are Free indeed! Every Mountain, every valley, every heartache in between Every moment brings you closer to who you were meant to be.
You guys.. I am a fan girl. I am a 35 year old fan girl. There is this writer who is my age, lives in Nashville, writes amazing books and can speak to audiences in such a way that you actually feel like you are best friends with her. I adore her! Her name is Annie F. Downs and YOU should read everything she writes. Period. Her most recent book is called "Looking For Lovely" and I just finished it last week. (In one day) Go! Order it! Read it! Recently, I found a talk that she gave for Q Women about our having 1 calling for our life that can have many different ways to express it. You can watch it HERE. (It's 10 minutes. DO IT!)
Annie challenges all of us to figure out what our life's thesis statement is. Thesis Statement: a brief introduction of your topic, you state your point of view on the topic directly and often in one sentence. This sentence is the thesis statement, and it serves as a summary of the argument you'll make in the rest of your paper. Annie was an elementary school teacher for several years after college and she loved it! Later, she was asked to help write curriculum and speak to her church's youth group and discovered she loved it and dreamed writing and speaking professionally-full time! Like... quit her job as a teacher and go for it! She talks about how though teaching elementary school and writing and speaking aren't exactly the same-they have one thing in common- Her. How do those pieces fit? Well she discovered that she really only had one calling-one thesis statement and that was to entertain people long enough until they learn something. 1 calling, many different expressions. This made me wonder what my thesis statement was because I have done a lot of different things! I am licensed to do hair, I am a mom, I love kids, I have lead ministry teams, I write blogs, I lead leaders What do any of these really have in common? Well, ME! They have me in common! I think my thesis statement is: Relate with people with humor and real life stories so they feel like they can chase their dreams. That seems to be what I have always done..in some way, shape or form. I wonder what your thesis statement is? Maybe you won't know right away! That's ok! Think about it! I want to hear from you! GO!
I have been reading a TON of books lately. My head feels like it might explode in the best way possible! One book that I am finishing up now is by Lysa Terkeurst called "Uninvited."
I think that there is a fear in every single one of us that is rooted in rejection. We all want to be accepted, part of the group, good enough to be at the table, and affirmed in some way-that who we are is enough!
So picture this: Summer of 1997 I had just turned 16 and got my driver's license and signed up to tour around the State of Kentucky with a bunch of kids from churches all over the area as part of the Kentucky State Youth Choir.
I had no prior experience with this singing group, I mainly signed up because my friends told me to.
I also jumped off a cliff right after everyone else did too! (wink)
I could not be prepared for how my life would change that summer and the impact that our two young married leaders would have on my life.
Matt and Heather Bays were in their mid-twenties and agreed to lead our youth choir.
I was instantly amused when I received a cassette tape in the mail with Matt singing both Alto and Soprano parts -on key in his own male singing voice in order to help us to learn our parts to the music.
I would drive around in my car listening to this young man singing in a woman voice..needless to say I was the coolest girl in school.
What I loved most about Matt and Heather was that they treated us like grown ups. They spoke to us like we were their friends and not some dumb teenagers that didn't have a clue.
It might have been the first time any adult had ever done that for me.
They gave us all nick names, played games with us, sang songs, and helped us to nosey around host home's closets to find hidden treasures.
In 1998, Matt and Heather took another job and moved away. Long before social media, I wondered if we would ever see them again...
(This a picture of our choir on the "tour bus" back in 1997)
Fast forward to 2007, nearly 10 years since those choir days, I searched for Matt and Heather on Facebook and found them! I could not wait to connect with them and was shocked to find out that they were living only a few miles from me in the next town over!
The thing that I love about Matt is that even though YEARS have gone by, he still treats me like a friend and acts as though time has not passed at all! He has a gift in making people feel comfortable and loved....even liked! Now that I work in church leadership, coaching other leaders that influence the Next Generation, I realize that the seed that Matt and Heather planted in my heart as a teenager was not for nothing! God used them to lead me and build me into who I am today!
Today, I finished a book Matt wrote about his life called "Finding God in the Ruins" and asked me to read it prior to it's release. (Next Month) I am not sure I knew what to expect as Matt was always a Super Hero to me...and for the record, he still is!
I didn't know anything about his childhood or about what he had been dealing with though his life. He wore a "happy life mask" very well and I would have never guessed what he has suffered through and continues to overcome.
There are parts of this book when I felt heartbroken and angry and in the next breath found myself belly laughing. Matt is a great story teller... you feel like you are right there with him through every story he shares.
(I even sent him a text that said "I hate you for making belly laugh in a book about your sad childhood.)
Matt is a "noticer of people." He doesn't miss details and they way he describes people and places is one of my favorite parts of this book.
**There are some great 1980s pop culture references woven through the entire book. I LOVE THE 80's! Who doesn't!? BONUS!
With that said, I once heard that God is not concerned with a life that is picture perfect, instead God is more concerned with our stories of restoration and redemption.
This book is a story of restoration and redemption...and a hopeful journey to keep growing.
Without giving Matt's story away, I will say that what I have taken from his words and his story is that we can never know what someone is going through.
We all wear masks and try to navigate this life as if we were in control of it. We hide our stories in hopes that we protect loved ones and ourselves. If we lie about who we are... it is possible that we could even convince ourselves that we are who we pretend be.
I suspect there are things that we all do that. I do!
I mask my story with humor and wear it like a big warm fluffy coat. I have always felt like if people thought I was funny..then it wouldn't matter what my story is.
Maybe our stories don't match but we all have pain and heartache. We look around and feel like we are knee deep in the aftermath of our world falling apart around us. We try to survey the damage and hurry to clean up the mess so that nobody else can see it! We stuff way down deep in hopes that it will just go away...But the truth is God wants to use our stories-even the hard ones to tell.
God shows up in unexpected ways...for Matt, for me, and for you....in our pain-and together we will find him.
Our youngest daughter is in 1st grade and has been working on "First, Then, Next, Last" in school. We like to quiz each other about how to do things around the house just to see how well she has caught on to the concept!
What I have learned is that it is not my daughter who needs help with this concept-but it's actually me who has no idea what to do first, then, next, and last in the correct order.
I am not alone! I see this all the time in the lives of my friends.
Maybe that is why I feel so normal!?
While it is true, that we can't predict every thing that will happen to us-we can make sure we have a pretty decent plan in place to make sure we are at least moving in the right direction.
I have been counting the chickens before they hatch for years! I blame it on my emotional decision making and capacity to day dream.
Our generation is known for expecting things to happen out of order.
I absolutely HATE not knowing what is next. I am probably one of the most unorganized and scatter minded people you will meet...but I thrive on a plan.
I feel out of control and unstructured. Just the thought of not being in control of my day-my week-my life.... makes me want to rock in a corner and sing "In The Arms Of An Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan.
What's worse!? I fear I have passed this trait to my eight year old son. I guess it's genetic...
A few years ago a movie came out with Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker called "Failure to Launch." Basically, McConaughey's character was a 35 year old man still living at his parents home and sleeping in the same bed as he did when he was 6 years old.
One year, for my Birthday, my parents came to town and we went to dinner at Buca di Beppo. As we were waiting on our meal, I commented that the interior decor of the restaurant reminded me of what the inside of my sister's head must look like! (My sister is a very fun loving, exciting, bright and colorful girl, who loves a crowd and has an affinity for bright shiny objects!) We all laughed and enjoyed the rest of our time there!
If your brain were a room, what would the interior design layout look like?
I don't know about you, but when my life is crazy, so is my house! You can tell the kind of day/week/month/year that I am having by walking in my front door.
Hear me out!
I do not need to be on the next episode of "Hoarders: Buried Alive," but I if there were a show about clutter and nothing really having a place, then I could probably occupy a 30 minute episode!
I believe this is probably true for all of us. Sure, some of us are probably better at hiding it than others, maybe you do the exact opposite as me. Maybe when your life seems "crazy," your house is spotless, seeing housework as something you can actually control!
Those of you clean-organizing types are like aliens to me. I believe that secretly, somewhere in your home you have a messy drawer, closet, basement, or cabinet that nobody knows about!
Maybe you think, "I can't control all the chaos in my life, but I can control my house," and so that is how you can best cope!
I have been there too! ....ish. (You would be amazed at what giving me an hour with a container of Clorox Wipes would do for a kitchen on a stressful day!)
My husband says I need to do what he does and have "file folders" in my mind. Just like with any file cabinet, I would be able to keep my thoughts,emotions and anything else I feel like I need to "manage" in order, by prioritizing each one in a nice and neat system. It's easy for him.
(I picture the inside of his mind to look like one of those sparkly clean rooms in a
"Mr. Clean" commercial.)
I am someone who will start my car and spend the next 5 minutes digging in my purse, looking for my keys. I do most things on auto-pilot because I live my life in worrying I need to do next, rather than being in the moment and being deliberate. Chaos paralyzes me and makes it difficult for me to know what to do first.
I need to find a way to push through my natural tendency to daydream and easily distracted by the "bright and shiny" of the world and create a system in which I can focus long enough to put things back where they belong-and not just set it somewhere-never to be seen again.
This is not to say that how you or I run our homes are right or wrong, but more a practice in doing things that are more purposeful.
I am tired of reacting to chaos in my cluttered life and desire to slow my brain down and be more intentional and calculated in my day to day things. As much as I would love it, I am not going to wake up tomorrow and be as domestic as Martha Stewart! It is going to take effort on my part-not just one day but every day.
This is my 8th year attending The Orange Conference. If you are a teacher, pastor, leader, parent or just plain like kids, I can not tell you how much you would benefit from this event. I mean it. I have attended with a group, by myself, 8 months pregnant, and as a volunteer- no excuse keeps me from Atalanta in April. You will NOT regret it!
If you would like to go but don't know how to make it work financially-contact me in the comments and I will help you figure you something out.
What you should first know is that I love looking at houses and admiring home decor what you should also know is that I know nothing about decorating a home.
I stroll through Target, Home Goods, Pottery Barn, and Hobby Lobby admiring all the cute home nicknacks and am also paralyzed by them at the same time.
I don't understand the concepts of decorating. The way things should be position, the colors that should be paired together, or how to choose the right paint for the size of room.
I am not a risk taker-at least when it comes to home decor.
I play it safe in various tones of beige. My philosophy is that if I keep my walls in the beige family, then I can change up my furniture without having to repaint.
I am sure those of you who are decorators are appalled by that concept. You are probably thinking, "The fun is in the paint color!!"
Question: what would you call a book-a memoir really, based on your life? I have been thinking about this for a while.
Most of them are titles or lyrics of Top 40 Hits...
Shake It Off: A Story of One Mom's Hunt For a Clean Towel All About That Base: My Life As A Cheerleader Hide And Watch: A Mom's Courage to Leave the House Wearing That Smoother Than a Fresh Jar of Jiffy: Tales of the Lunchbox Heartbeat Song: A Mother's Sonnet of Anxiety
I wrote a letter to your sisters about what I hope for them as they grow up and thought it was only fair that I write you one too..
When you were six, you decided that you were going to be baptized. I wasn't sure that you were ready or that you knew what it all meant so I asked you what you thought it would mean to be baptized and you told me that it meant you wouldn't just be Jared anymore but you would be "Jared The Jesus Follower!" I knew then, that you understood and it is my hope that you spend the rest of your life following Jesus, not because you HAVE to but because you WANT to!
I hope that you always have a tender heart for others and look for ways to be compassionate and generous with your time, talent, and treasure!
The things that you value the very most are like arrows that point to your heart and the kind of person you are.
